Just your average cryptid, skulking around.
Several years after the events of "The Fall of Spike the Dragon", The group of ponies stolen by Lord Darkness have grown into strong, trained fighters that follow his every command. With this victory and power, Lord Darkness has successfully gotten almost everypony in the land to bow down to him. However, with a resistance, and a half-loyal army, there's no telling if he will continue to succeed.
With what's going on, anyone could rise above the rest.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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OOOOOH EXCITING! I must begin reading now.
You had a weird time skip towards the end and it seems you had a problem keeping tenses aligned throughout the chapter.
Other than that, awesome! I was very excited for this story and you did not dissapoint. I love all these attitudes and personalities you've made
.
Waiting semi-patiently for an update.
7017992 Awesome! Thanks for letting me know. When I get all of the advise I need I'll go back and revise it. I really want this to be good!
I'm glad you enjoyed it so far! I was trying my best to get in all of the character's personalities, but it turns out I'm not the best at that. Still, I'll try my best!
Though with how hard I'm trying I'm gonna be a little slow. Maybe if I just had a proofreader or an editor, it'd be much faster. Alas, I don't have one, so it's just gonna have to be me.
7017992 Just noticed I was supposed to have a page divider to acknowledge the time skip.
By the way, do you Think I should get a different design for the divider? Maybe a little something simpler?
7018266 I liked it. It's really interesting. Though it may distract from the story... I don't know. You should get more opinions before you decide.
7018278 Yes, of course. I was just asking to be safe.
Aw, just some kooky kids celebrating a birthday! This story's gonna be a real swell... *looks back at top of page* Oh, right. Gritty and depressed Equestria, angry dragon dude, and a resistance force being weeded out. Almost forgot. At least we have some solid characters to keep us company, right?
Oh, and that reminds me. Wasn't Discord cooking something up last I checked? And it's taken how many years now? Yeesh, either he's losing his touch or it's a real big cake he's baking. What, is he making a full retcon bomb? Plucking Starswirl the Bearded from the past to fix things? Summoning Deadpool? Okay, probably not the last one, but it would be entertaining.
Good to see this series back in action! As always, I look forward to the next update.
7021476 Yup! Those dorks find anything to smile about. Especially with the situation they're in.
Discord's still up to something. He's taking a lot of time to build up that magic, and extra, for something that'll be cool in the future.
I'm glad you're liking this so far. Yonder to the next chapter!
Man, Fimfiction stops clueing me in to updates as soon as the interesting bits come up.
You really doubled down here. First, an accurate depiction of Tom when he gets his hands on espresso (seriously, never take him to Starbucks. EVER.) Then that Segways into Dark actually being a decent *cough* 'parent.' That flashback sequence not only shows how tough little Love got over the years (in more ways than one), but it also shows Dark's current standing. You feel for the guy, sympathize with him a bit, but you still see that the world is worse off for his spot on the throne. Mmm, tasty three dimensions!
And then, just when you think things are getting mopey enough, you pull a Fatality with Anime Trope #103, long lost sibling who can be inferred to be a general badass acting for a team that is ambiguous, but certainly not yours. Always a lovely little feels trip, am I right?
You know, even if you go through with this being the grand finale, I can safely say that I'm confidant in the fact that it's going out with a bang. And that's what counts, right? Finishing in a way that satisfies and, most importantly, knows when its welcome has been worn (figure of speech, of course, I never liked durability as a mechanic if you catch the drift.) (Stares pointedly at Teen Titans Go.)
As always, I for one look forward to the next update, assuming Fimfiction doesn't act like a total, well, refer to Iago above.
So is the original Spike still a voice in darknesses head or did he die out over the years
7298022 Spike is... unresponsive. Darkness is just in control of him. Darkness, however, completely believes that Spike is dead.
7298119 Oh ok then thanks for the info
7298349 You're welcome!
I am so glad Fluttershy isn't dead
but rainbow kind of deserved that in my opinion 
Welp, there's some nostalgia, and put into actual diary entries. I think we all know how much time a straight copy paste would've saved, but the extra detail is nice. I have to wonder what it'll add to the plot, in multiple senses. Darkness is in a few entries towards the back of the book, and a quick scan there would blow the lid clean off. Imagine how easy it would be for someone to start undercutting him with secrets like that. Assuming he doesn't take and incinerate the thing as soon as he realizes it. Along with whoever's holding it at the time, just in case. Evil Overlord 101, take no chances.
And Snickers reference. Couldn't resist, could you? Hold on a tick...
...
...*crunch*
There, much better! Hmm, maybe the girls could use a few of these. They seem kind of... on edge, to put it lightly. And why wouldn't they? Indentured servitude, immortal suffering, death everywhere, regret, etc. Honestly, that tough love (I see what you did there) was an improvement. And Flutters, good gravy... Discord, hurry up!
I look forward to the next update.
7334565 Yeah, I ALMOST just pasted it in there, but I figured to put some.... aesthetics in there.
And YES. Seeing as Rapacity's the fatass, and she did something weird, my mind jumped to make a Snickers reference. There was NO WAY I could ignore it.
Discord STILL doesn't know what the hell to do. THen again, his choices aren't all that great. I'm planing something... BIG. Ready your feels.
Also, small edit in the beginning, in case you wanted to see. I can't believe I let that slide into the final piece....
7334381 Nope! Just suffering! And I decided Rainbow's just acting out to ignore the wold. The world responded by a quick slash in the face and a push to the dirty ground.
7334768
Feels? Heh, buddy, I've been through Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood, episode 5, and lived to tell the tale. I have tackled through Telltale's Walking Dead, both seasons, and stand unwavering. I have dated the skeleton, saved the monster kid, and hugged the Goat Bro. What I'm trying to say is...
arkadian.vg/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/my-body-is-ready-1024x576.jpg
Let the rains fall as they may!
"Dude, as the voice of madness up here, you look a little amped."
I just played a ton of Devil May Cry and my blood pressure is jacked!
"Ah, right, that'd do it. Pass the root beer, it's game time!"
By the by, have you ever played Wadanohara? Charming little RPG. Not the deepest thing out there, but it's worth your time. And it's free. Just, mind the trigger warnings on the site if you look it up. They aren't kidding. Way off topic, but it caught me by surprise, so why not spread the word?
7335142 Oh yeah? I survived "Your Lie In April". Dare you to try THAT one!
I'll go check it out!
To start off... I'm A Freaking Asshole!! Dammit I completely forgot to read this until now, even though I finished School Like two or three weeks ago! UGH!
Now, with that out of the way, let's begin.
That beginning interaction with Con and Love was just too freaking adorably hilarious. Ah friendship at it's greatest. Getting your ass kicked just have some fun and bug your friend. Worth it indeed Con, worth it indeed.
Huh. Rereading friendship letter. "She hatched me" I have a sneaking suspicion that Spike has quite a bit more push and pull than Darkness thinks, given he's convinced Spike is dead. Oooh I'm shivering wondering what kind of final battle there will be between Spike and Darkness in the end. Will it be a martyr? A draw? A mutual agreement? Some badass battle in his mind? Oh only time will tell... and you
.
Her brother's alive. She's found his journal. Her plan is progressing well. My my Love charm your are quite the little mastermind. Being a completely unsuspected double agent. Or maybe darkness knows... no, he couldn't could he? Hmm. That would complicate things even further.
Oh I am so enticed right now. So excited to read the next chapter
Was not prepared for the feels... Dark you will not cry, You are a man! Don't cry! Eh I'm not crying. Just dying inside.
I actually hadn't expected his Diary to survive till now. That changes thing, especially since I thought it was Virtuous' diary. There's so much more here now, so much more to ponder, so much more to overthink
I'm loving this story more by the chapter. It might even be the best in the series so far.
I could have sworn back in the second story I asked if Fluttershy was actually dead and you responded something like "Darkness thought he was that powerful" Or something like that. Either way, that's one inconsistency.
I like the way you've done the remainder of the main six. It portrays the situation well. Bleak and depressing mixed with gruesome macabre and on tiny spark of a light at the end of the tunnel.
Oh and this
Oh my God I'm still dying laughing from this. Oh my. You're a sly one, I'll give you that.
Eagerly awaiting more.
YUS! And update! Oh this is two awesome story updates in as many days. Oooh if another one of my favorite incomplete stories update I swear imma lose my mind.
Now. On to the read.
I was actually just wondering if you were going to continue the Luna X Cor ship any time soon. Glad to see you did.
I am very much enjoying the dialogue in this story. It flows well for the most part and feels natural. This chapter seems a but... raw? I think that's the best way to describe it. There a a few parts where the sentences don't flow all too well and sort of sound confusing in my head. Along with some repetition of words that makes it a bit monotonous, try using more phrases or synonyms instead of the same noun over and over.
The descriptions in the first part could be a bit more showy but other than that, this was a nice update. I'm glad to learn more about the Princesses current condition and I can't wait to read more.
Eagerly yet patiently awaiting more.
7373654 Oh yeah, no way I was gonna ignore those two. There would be no point in me bringing them up in the previous story if I were going to ignore them in the next.
It's RAAAAAAAAAAW! But seriously, any particular sections that you see feels raw, I'd like you to point 'em out. I can do some reconstruction. I'm not really too good at seeing those issues myself because I know everything that's going on. My job is to convey that to my readers, so your help would be much appreciated.
Of all places, it would be Ponyville that at least kept some structure in place. I mean, if you can stand up after Discord without a scratch, it'd take a mighty tough brew to pull off a total knockout. Dark's pretty close, but he's no raw tequila. Besides, that was all in the early stages of his rampage. He hadn't built up his nation shattering momentum yet.
And there goes the couple that might've been royal once upon a time. Cor and Luna still go well together, and it's nice seeing them still on their feet. You know, even if one of them is leaning on the hard stuff. But, on the bright side, alcohol is good at numbing wounds. It used to be the go to painkiller for a reason. Good on Cor for drinking practically.
And something a little depressing to think about. If memory serves, old style royalty favored married couples above single monarchs. That means, assuming Equestria works on standard models, Luna would have otherwise had greater claim to the head throne with Cor at her side than Celestia. She would have been above her sister on some scale. Where is she now? Above her sister on some scale, but much lower on the totem pole. That, my friends, is irony in a nutshell. I'd play the little trumpet tune, but that would be in poor taste.
Side note, Calvin is a jerk. Nice show of how the resistance isn't completely paragon.
"Dude, it's Colton."
Right, Carl. Thanks for the reminder, Tom.
"That's not it. Colton."
Oh, my bad. Cauliflower.
"You're doing that on purpose, aren't you?"
I'm surprised you didn't think of it before me. You're usually on point with this kind of stuff.
"Hey, I had... certain plans..." 'tucks buttercups behind back'
Whatever you're doing, I approve. Anyway, the chapter does have some rough edges here and there. For example, this.
Pretty sure that 'if' should be 'of.' There was a missing comma a few lines before that, too, though that could be passed off as Cor's tirade speeding through the pauses. I'd be that mad talking to a stuck up jerk like Caramel Cakes, too. I mean, the first guy who talked to me like that in Dark Souls got stabbed without question for it. And Cor has a scorpion stinger, so this was one bar owner away from being a more organic recreation.
As always, I look forward to the next update.
7376109 Yeah, I had to make Ponyville decent. They work impossibly well in an impossible amount of time.
He quickly learned that. Matter of fact, that's what helps him power through so much work. THough he tends to just be a TAD excessive (And I mean a tad)
How ironic. :3
Time to go back and fix that mistake!
the captain dude is one sick BASTARD
Omg I didn't even name chapter 4. >.< Gonna go fix that.
Hello Discord segment. Explaining why he hasn't done jack yet. Goodbye Discord segment.
You know, presence of a sex drive aside, Zeal is a dead ringer for me in that scene. I'm totally that guy who clings to a joke. Now if only I had the guts to keep joking under enemy raid. Hmm...
Oh yes, the fight scenes, oh yes, the banter, OH GLORIOUS SYMBOLISM! This chapter is drenched in the stuff, like the good Silent Hill games. (Almost said Silent Hills there and made myself sad, and I don't even play the series.) Darkness hurting an innocent, then chasing after her to undo the harm, Love being loyal to a fault, it's just good stuff. Plus, what with the eyes being closed, I guess you could say that...
Love is blind? Hehehe... Wait, I just gave myself an awful mental image. That captain dude is pretty cruel, and the joke wouldn't be lost on him...
...You wouldn't, would you?
please tell me the the captain is gonna get whats coming to him soon.
Love is the new element of kindness
And the captain I'm going to love when Darkness crushes him like the insect he is
Dark's learning the most basic, yet most backwards, psychological lesson, you can only appreciate what you have when it's gone. The brain is a wonderfully confusing organ, no? Almost literally right under our noses, but it always finds new ways to surprise.
You know, I can see an interesting sort of foil system going between Love and the Captain. The former takes the compassionate approach to change, the other takes a more strict militant standpoint of blowing up whatever swings by. When did this become a political debate? (Topical humor!) It could make for a compelling drama, leaving the readers to ponder which one, in the end, is right...
...if the Captain wasn't a dingy, sadistic imp on the level of Kefka Palazzo. And just like that clown (who I swear inspired Dark Knight's Joker to an extent), I want to drop the biggest, hottest fireball right down his throat. Here's hoping someone goes all Corpse Party on him.
I look forward to the next update.
7646223 Loved your comment as always.
Also, why did I think you were gonna say you wanted to drop the biggest, hottest load down his throat?
...........DEAR GOD CLEANSE ME! I'M IMPURE!
7652459
I'll drop a load alright. A load of fire, and brimstone! Why is that so wrong?
...Oh, now I get it. I don't know if my version is more or less pure. Something something violence in the media, something something drop him in furry porn if that's the way he wants it. He isn't insanely elastic, right?
ALL ARE PUNISH-ED!!!
I hope Spike gets defeated in the end and Equestria can return to how it was.
Or better yet the fact that he cares about love will cause the spike that wasn't insane and bloodthirsty to somehow resurface and he could just go back to the dragon lands.
or a likely event is the guilt of everything he's done will come crashing down upon him and he'll self terminate.
I personally hope for the former.
One thing I can definitely guess though is that love charm will remain
I really need to stop looking for sad stories
I'll get you all out of this, no worries.” I giggled a bit, and walked out, not even looking back.
What does she mean by this? Is it a sign of good things to come for the 5?
---
This was an interesting diary, to say the least. I really would love to know more about Spike. That way, I’d get a lot more closer to doing what needs to be done. Sometimes, I wonder if what I’m planning would hurt him. But the more I know, the easier I can make it for him. It will also be much more effective too.
Curious and curiouser
Are the resistance members going to be looked at like the villains in the story? all they're trying to do is liberate Equestria and bring it back to the happy place it once was granted the captain guy comes off as egotistical hey most likely he's mostly just doing this just so he'll be looked at as a hero but why is it evil to want the old Equestria back?
What is love charms plan?