Ever since she was a little filly, Limestone Pie was a very ambitious, hardworking pony. Even back then, she took pride in a lot of things: her work, her hobbies, and her role as the eldest sister of the Pie Family. But when Pinkie Pie exclaimed on how great Maud Pie was when they were making rock candy necklaces together, Limestone began to fret over losing her status as "big sister" forever. So in order to prove her worth, she decided to join her sisters in their 2nd Annual Rock-Candy-Necklace-athon, and she brought along the one pony who can help her reclaim that title... her baby sister, Marble Pie.
Chapters (1)
AMAZING
This was so good! You're characterization of everypony was just stand out great and I really enjoyed the story.
Now for constructive criticism: You keep switching between past and present tense throughout the story which makes it tricky to read. Sticking to one or the other (preferably past since it's just easier to write) will greatly improve this story even more.
That cover art. I. LOVE. IT.
I'll read the story too when I get time. ^^
This was great characterization, writing, storytelling everything about this story was great.
You keep switching from past to present tense in you narration. Just thought I'd let you know.
This was cute, but Limestone's reaction to Maud's secret ingredient goes against "Hearthbreakers" where the entire Pie family is eating rock soup like it's normal. My guess is that this is part of a normal diet for rock farmers, and also that rock farmers (and maybe even all earth ponies) have jaws like steel.
7539693
maybe it's before she knew and she just slowly accepted it
Fantastic story! Easily among my top 5 favourite Pinkie related fanfics.
Another note other than the tense changes like everyone is saying: Try to not use full names so much. Saying "Marble Pie" or "Muad Pie" every once in a while is natural, but try to just say their first names, as well as put in "sister" and "sis", since y'know, most siblings will refer to each other as their sibling (Except in some languages, but even then they still do it instead of always saying their sibling's name). Yet in this story the only hints we get are: 1. They live together as kids, typical of family along with having the same last name; 2. The plot is that Limestone is trying to prove she's a better big sister; and 3. Pinkie and Limestone both say sister, although never in reference to the sister their talking to. They never actually call each other sister/sis, which kinda made me go "wait what", especially when they kept going Maud Pie and Marble Pie.
Just kinda a pet peeve of mine, sorry haha.
Oh neat, so I wasn't the only one to think that Limestone and Marble totally should have a very special bond together. Nice sweet story, with only tiny little imperfections.
This was done perfectly! I love how The ending was neatly tied up. This was so good!!!
are you dead
You can has review!