• Member Since 29th Oct, 2013
  • offline last seen May 3rd, 2023

DoubleDeadline


Writer. Meat lover.

Comments ( 8 )

I wonder if the green pegasus stallion is the same as the one that was in the file folder in Summer’s first chapter.
Sores, not soars, for wounds.
Very well done with the imagery and feel of the situation/scene, as well as the gradual piece-by-piece reveal of information.

8686915
Thanks! ^_^ I like putting the reader into the perspective of the character. Also, spelling errors corrected!

So, I read the prologue, and I was generally interested. The prose was a little long winded, but the first characters were beginning to interest and hook me, and then the ball dropped. Lost all interest in the first three characters you introduced and didn't want to dive into the rather long flight scene in the next chapter. I did, but I didn't want to.

So, honestly, you're writing on a technical level is good, and I could appreciate the lack of grammatical and spelling errors. Some of the scenes dragged quite a bit, like the introductions to the first and second chapter. The real issue though was the scene with Flutter Gust. A literary knife that killed my interest. I'm sorry this wasn't an encouraging comment, but I'd wouldn't feel right not letting you know. Also, I'm not going to dislike it. It's not a bad story, just not for me.

Thank you for taking the time to write something of actual quality, and best of luck to you in the future,

Dreams of Ponies :applejackunsure: P.S. I recommend changing the cover art, that alone almost turned me off.

Third person was a poor choice for this, the narration was a tad on the boring side without any snark or character thoughts added to it.

Also, I remember announcing an E. Q. D. story in the works also called Malignancy. It's a deconstruction. Now I'm going to have to change the name when I release it.

8919600
The link she gave me stopped working after a while. It was a Tumblr page and it just wasn't there anymore.

EDIT: Okay, I THINK the person I linked to is her new page, but I'm not sure anymore. If you click the "Source" link (or here) you can see where they originally posted the picture after finishing my commission Hope that helps.

It’s such a shame that this was canceled because I really enjoyed your ideas and the direction that the plot was heading in.

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