• Member Since 15th Oct, 2014
  • offline last seen November 3rd

IndiBrony


We're all stories in the end. Just make it a good one, ey?

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Sunburst tears down the gates of Tartarus and begins wreaking havoc throughout Equestria! Twilight and Starlight Glimmer gather up a team of the most powerful unicorns she knows not only stop him, but also return all of the other evil creatures to Tartarus!

Chapters (3)
Comments ( 21 )

Whoa. What exactly has gotten into Sunburst?

This is certainly an interesting start for a story.
*leans back and grabs popcorn
Proceed, dear friend. Expect to see me for some while X3

You should really establish or hint at some point in Sunburst's ranting why he's become so ooc. Disliked.

7446252 Well it's the first 1000 words of what I'm hoping will be quite a lengthy story. In fact, as I reply to you, I'm working on laying down some plot points in the next part, including not-so-subtle hints at what is happening in this opening.

This is merely a teaser. I wouldn't be so quick to judge a story based on what I'm concealing from the audience so early on.

7446384 If Sunburst is acting entirely ooc in the first chpt, you ought to immediately hint at or state a reason why this change has occurred, or link his current behaviour to his past. Otherwise it seems like nothing so much as an ooc trollfic.

I'm going to go ahead and put this comment in spoilers just in case there are any details in here other readers might not want to know:

7446607 I can see what you're saying and I get that an explanation is needed for someone acting ooc, but what if one of the main points of the story is to find out why he's acting out of character? Yes I could reveal it early on and inject some dramatic irony for the readers, but I argue that if you see an already established character acting radically different to what you expect then you at least presume something is up.

Maybe I'm wrong, and I might be missing your point - after all, I'm still relatively new in writing stuff - but is it that important to hint at something which will be revealed slowly over the course of the fic?

7448897 hint that there is a reason, without saying what is. Or have other characters say, in the first 1000 words, that Sunburst is acting out of character or greatly changed, perhaps with surprise, or else with veiled reference to the event that altered him. Hope this helps.

7449068 Thanks, I'll take that on board! As I said I feel I'm still relatively new and still learning. I'll see if I can make a small adjustment, and I hope you might stick around to see what happens (and maybe lambaste me for things I do wrong :derpytongue2: hah)!

Comment posted by IndiBrony deleted Aug 4th, 2016

7463539 Trust me, more is on the way! :twilightsheepish: Having a full-time job and being a father leaves me with minimal time on my hands. Rest assured, I'm using as much of my free time as possible to get this up and out.

I don't want to rush, however, as 'Spike: The Dragon Princess' suffered from sloppy writing due to me trying to churn things out too quickly.

I've written quite a way ahead, but I'll only publish more when I know I'm happy with it - I don't want to make the same mistakes twice! I appreciate the enthusiasm, however! :twilightsmile:

7463577 Glad to hear that you're planning on making more chapters to this.

7474931 Thanks! I'm taking my time with this one. Trying to learn from my last big project, so updates will probably trickle out slowly. Here's hoping life doesn't get in the way too much, hah.

I am guessing Sunburst isn't using his own power, since his magic is yellow. Tirek implied as much, too.

Also, not to be a bummer, but... poor Earth Ponies. They hardly ever get to be important for anything. :pinkiesad2:

So, he had everypony executed.

I'm still curious what Sunburst thinks his reasons are worth, but the interest is waning, as he seems firmly intent on being the most vile and loathsome creature to ever walk Equestria. At some point, they become unimportant.

When do you think this'll be continued?

9136194

I want to continue this, much in the same vein as my other incomplete stories. I do acknowledge, however, that it has been almost two years since I last updated... anything, really... and as much as I’d love to say there’s another chapter on the way (and one has been left in an almost-completed way) I honestly couldn’t tell you if/when any of my stuff will be updated.

The excuses are always the same when it comes to stuff like this: lost motivation, lost interest, life got in the way etc. and that’s pretty much the story as to why this has been left the way it is, but hey, by all means give the story a follow so when I get something out, you’ll be informed straight away!

In the meantime, why not take a look at some of my other completed works? Most of what I do are short stories, so no need to wait on that next chapter! Hah. 'Remembering, Mother' is possibly my most acclaimed title. It’s a simple short following Applejack as she reflects on her past and her parents after a long hard day working the farm.

Contrast that to 'Nightmare in Rainbow', another short wherein Rainbow Dash has a terrible nightmare!

Or try 'Philosophy of the Gator' where we get to share a moment with Gummy and his wise philosophical words. This one can also be listened to in audio form! Just follow the link in the story description!

I hope you enjoy them, and I hope I have something else for you soon. Until then, thank you and take care :heart:

9142854
I'll probably look at those stories once my read later list has been cut down a bit more

What happened to this story it’s so great?

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