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Rubyfire377
My name is Mark and I am a gamer and a film guy and that's me in a nut shell
Rubyfire377
Joined 8th Jan, 2014 ·
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please comment please
6786278 well it well get better hopefully
cool story, but i have a question.
how do the dragon look?
are the Anthro or normal?
anyway, keep up the good work.
6826547 they are anthro and some are bigger
*sees in feed* is this what I think it is? It is.
6828207 yes its a Game of Thrones Crossover
Well, I'm not familiar with 'A Game of Thrones', so I don't know what to make of this story. Still, it was interesting reading this.
this is good so far, keep it up ^^
interesting.
While some of it is confusing, there are parts that seem good.
I See You
This fic might not have enough chapters, but I'm still glad to have finally read it. I assume that Spike will be the Tyrion in this fic, and if I'm allowed to give any suggestions, it will be to have his nickname be The Serpent.
7065522 Spike already has a nickname
if Spike is Tyrion then who is Spike father?
the reason why I want to know is due to know who he is gone bathroom assassinate.
7088954 you well find out
I'll post my notes on this chapter in this comment. I will be quite blunt, so there may be a few instances where these criticisms hit pretty hard.
-For starters, that first paragraph comes in like a swift kick to the temple from Mike Tyson. The first word is a character name; not bad thing per se, but you lose a lot of dramatic depth and finesse by just thrusting him at us. It would serve you better to open with some action, perhaps set the scene before you introduce your character. On that note, you tell us his name, but nothing else about him. Just some random details (delivered quite ham-fistedly, in addition) about the scene that make little sense in the context of the story. Your opening paragraphs are some of the most important paragraphs you will write in a story, perhaps more so than the climax itself. You put a lot of emphasis on his armor, but you seem to expect us all to know what he is wearing and just offhandedly explain the details. Also the Wall, which is the major basis for the scene, is just seemingly thrown in there. The dead Griffons are just kinda there too, with little reason or intrigue given to why they are dead. You just tell us all of these things in a rapid manner, instead of showing us the scene. Lots of readers will look at this opening paragraph and immediately get turned away.
-As I read down, I notice that you tend to deliver details in an overly-direct fashion. I assume you've heard of show/tell narrative (if you haven't, please look it up), and I see that your story is given almost entirely in telling, which is not a good thing at all. Your pacing suffers immensely from this, moving so quickly that it doesn't give much room for proper development. You introduce this character, Silver, and his lover, Star Storm, but it honestly feels like it has little purpose. I have no feel for these characters at all, like they're not really part of the story at all, and that's a big warning sign. Characters are pretty much the most important part of a story, and glossing over them when it's so early on doesn't serve you well. Not to be overly harsh, but it is making me lose interest pretty quickly because you seem so intent on getting the scene established quickly that you gloss over the characterization and worldbuilding necessary to get me interested.
-This isn't really a problem with the story itself, but look at all of those tags you've put up at the top of the story. Lots of potential readers will look at that and get turned away, because it's quite common on this site that a story with lots of those tags will be pretty amateur.
-One last note is that your dialogue is a little weak. There's little characterization shown in it, and it just seems to be there without much purpose. By extension, I noticed that you included character thoughts in your narrative, but didn't make much effort to make it clear what is being thought by the character and said by the narrator.
I don't have much time to look over anything else, but these are my general impressions of the story. For further help with improving your writing, I highly recommend you check out Viking ZX's blog series entitled "Being a Better Writer", which is hosted free here on Fimfiction. I'll paste a link to the first blog in the series below, and I hope you can glean some helpful hints from those. I sure know I have improved drastically just from applying the advice in there. I wish you luck with your future writings!
http://www.fimfiction.net/blog/192188/being-a-better-writer-the-art-of-misdirection
7101417 thanks man
cdn.someecards.com/someecards/usercards/1338339873185_1264677.png
7101417
I know you!
7102359 so what did you think
Is Big Mac suppose to be Loras or Renly in this fic?
7161500 ohhhh you well find out but who is his coltfriend
7162202 Trenderhoof?
7162232 well just tone in and find out
Interesting. X3 Only thing is... the song seems a little different then I remember it XD
Goat Rider? How did Spike get that nickname?
7447195 well at a Applejack's wedding he bought a goat and a honeycomb to it
7447399 need me to do my magic on Fanfic?
If so, PM to doc please
OK, need this chapter and Twilight's chapter if you want this on Fan fic. That and it seems that the chapters have changed a bit on me.
Hey, when shall we see more of Spike? And also, is Spike Tyrion? It's been a long time since I've watched the show.
7749170 Yes You well see more of Spike
I'm pretty sure this chapter can go a bit longer than this.
7777978 I am sorry it could not go longer I well try to make it more longer next time
7749459 Spike is all that matters XD
7781117 I well try to get it up
Man this is really good.
7789502 did you put a like on it?
7789518 YEP!
7789518 more
6826553
im not sure what discord or this pony is planning but im hoping its not a red wedding