Well.
That was indeed rather humorous.

Yes, Shiny is her big dumb teddy bear.

I feel like this was Shining, at least in in part mentally.

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Shining sounds so much like Alistair from Dragon Age in this story. I swear.

"Are you telling me that you've never..."

"Never whaat? Have I never faced a basilisk? Ate jellied ham? Have I never licked a lamppost in winter?"

images1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20090605140556/dragonage/images/7/74/Alistair.jpeg

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So he never had sex before marriage, so?

Weaver, you are seriously some kind of miracle.

6670214

This was Sea and Mear.

6670189 hehehe... HEY!

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Even with help, I'd doubt he would be capable of understanding the full implications...

But do write more. This is amazing. Bravo.

You can just feel Cadance going, "I can't believe I'm doing this".

HAhahhahahahahahahahha

So Twilight has porn books but never got laid?!?

For once I can't say 'and they fucked. The end'

6670473 There are some things that are better experienced in real life than in a book. Sex is one of 'em.

6670447 Nerds.

Yes, I mean both that nerds would believe that and that she herself is a nerd that would do that.

This story is just so damn ridiculous it's funny.

Cadence is the princess of not gettin any tonight.

This is fantastic. This is a Grade-A example of classic oblivious Shining. Love it.

Two or three days later, Cadence shows up at the her in-laws.

Twilight Velvet: Cadence, aren't you supposed to be--
Cadence: Is your husband here?
Twilight Velvet: Why yes he is. Why do you--
Cadence: I need to speak to you both...now.
Cadence comes into the house and sees Night Light.
Night Light: Cadence? What are you--
*SMACK*
Twilight Velvet: What was--
*SMACK*
Cadence: I have been on my honeymoon for two or three days and I have yet to have sex.
Night Light: That doesn't expl---
Cadence: You want to know why? Until a few days ago, Shining thought sex only meant gender, that fuck was something in Griffon, had no idea was pornography is, and thought foals got into a mare's body by eating strange combination of food!
Twilight Velvet and Night Light would have thought she was joking, if not for her actions and the vein throbbing on her forehead.
Twilight Velvet: You mean Shining knew nothing about sex? How is that possible?
Twilight Velvet turns to her husband: You told me Shining knew about sex.
Night Light: Well, I found some porn magazines under his bed and thought--
Cadence: They really were Twilight's. He never asked her what they were because she was embarrassed about it.

The couple just look at each other and proceed to start arguing. Cadence decides to leave and visit her sister-in-law next.

...so very, very awkward.

Is it ever.

I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING! AHAHHAAHA!

HELP MEEEHEHEHEHEHEEHEH~~~!!!!!!!!!!

Brilliant! Frikking brilliant!!!!
I don't know why, this is meant to be horribly out of character, but for some very strange reason i can actully see Shining act like this.

6670467 when i saw your comment and clicked on the family guy gif, i snapped, i was laughing like crazy, it was just so frikking perfect!!
Thank you, your comment made my afternoon.
Heh, i can still imagen Cadance on the bed and Shining where Brian is.

It's your fault Twilight!

Poor shining, at least he's willing to learn. That attitude should help make this entire journey a lot easier. Through if that last comment was any indication I have to wonder just how long a journey it's going to take.

It's a rather strange feeling, I'm finding it funny but I'm also rather sad for both cadence and shining.

Pfffft hahaha hahaha hahaha hahaha hahaha hahaha hahaha hahaha hahaha hahaha hahaha hahaha hahaha hahaha hahaha you sneaky bastard.

That was hilarious. Honestly I could possibly see this happening but Twilight with the porn that is rather unbelievably funny This was cute little one shot thank you

I peed my pants !!! X'D

You win the internet for this.

Needs an epilogue of Cadance having a chat with Twilight.

Very adorable.

Shining Armor is best dorky stallion.

Holy fuck.
18 live readers

OMG, you've got me there! This was hysterical, I couldn't stop laughing all the way through! Awesome fanfic! 10/10!

6670679 Continue this awesome story!

Very cute.

It need either more chapter or less rating.
Pretty hilarious though, excellent idea.

I was the 28th person to see this story when it first came out.

Spike! Are you messing up the bathroom again!
Be out in a minute Twilight.
Take your time Rarity.
We will thanks a bunch Twi.
And I get a lot of down votes why? Was it the Twi porn!

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Someone once asked on a website if they could get pregnat without penetration or ejaculation. That's what this stroy reminded me of. This is why you have "the talk" with your kids, parents!

So in this version, Shining completed his journey to the status of "First Male Disney Princess" by being completely unaware of sex and all its implications. I like it. Shining is at his best when he is a delightful doof or throws his wife like a javelin. And since the latter seems very inapropriate for the honeymoon (unless Cadance has a throwing-fetish, I am tolerant) this is just a lot of fun.

So on one hoof I'm laughing my brains out, because Shining Armor is so obliviously adorable, and the idea of the only porn he ever had in his room belonged to his little sister is hilarious.

On the other hoof, I want to cry for Cadance, because she's now in a horrible position. Princess of Love (and in my head canon the most sexual one) and now married to a man who knows NOTHING about sex. I feel her pain.

Well, either way, your story took me THERE, so well done.

6670679 this!!! All of this. I can just imagine the conversation between Twiligjt and Cadence.. Cause if there dad saw the mags and didn't think anything was odd about shining having them you know there where mares in there.

Makes you wonder if Twi is a closet nympho,

If Shining Armor wasn't such a doofus most of the show, I'd find this horribly OOC. The sad thing is, I really don't.

...I really don't.

6671742
Your profile pic is already facehoofing though! Why facehoof in your comment as well?!

A work of art. That's what this is... sticking chickens inside mares, I love it.

Now we know why it took two and a half seasons to get a foal on the way

See, this is what happens when you teach abstinence as a form of sex-ed.

It would be interesting to see things go from here. You should consider expanding this beyond a one shot.

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I just wanna see the chapter where Cadance finally decides that he's ready and they have their first time. It'll be sweet!

THis made my night. Thx