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Princesses, Please Help!! A Most Terrible Thing has Occured!!567 words

Princesses, Please Help!! A Most Terrible Thing has Occured!!

To: the Princesses Celestia and Luna of Equestria, Princess Mi Amore Cadenza of the Crystal Empire, and Princess Twilight of Friendship

Your Royal Highnesses,
Please help! A horror of the underworld, a thing of the most foul substance on the planet has invaded my carefully kept home! This is, I assure you, THE WORST POSSIBLE THING!!!!! (And I really do mean it this time!) It is a hideous, liquid-oozing blob of hot, steaming chunks in clashing colors, emitting the most putrid smell in the world! I do not believe it is sentient, but such a horrible thing surely requires ponies used to dealing with the foulest things and creatures in Equestria. Once again, please help!
Kindest regards,
Lady Rarity, Former Element of Generosity and Knight of the Friendship Table

~~~)*(~~~

Rarity,
Forgive my impatience, but what is it this time? And why did you send a letter instead of just coming over to the castle and telling me directly? Even if it is as horrible as you make it out to be, I'm sure you could have saved yourself some stress by just asking somepony nearby to help. Of course, if you're really in dire need of my assistance, I'm sure I can find something in one of my books that will fix it.
Your friend,
Twilight Sparkle

~~~)*(~~~

Dear Princess Twilight,
My dear friend, I do not believe you understand the magnitude of the situation. A terrible thing such as this could not possibly be discussed in any manner less than that with which I have treated it, and I wished to alert all the Princesses to this drastic situation. Besides, darling, ever since you introduced your unicorn-accessible version of the dragonfire spell to me, I've been simply dying to use it!

As to your inquiry on the details of the situation, if you must know, it is my dear Opalescence's doing. She had a terrible coughing fit this morning, and hacked up this... thing that is now lying on my carpet. My beautiful Saddle Arabian carpet, that I paid hundreds of bits to have imported! And this DISGUSTING HORROR is just sitting there, while its juices seep into the floor! I must beg your immediate assistance with removing it!
Your increasingly disgusted and horrified friend and subject,
Lady Rarity, Former Element of Generosity and Knight of the Friendship Table

~~~)*(~~~

Dear Lady Rarity,
Please forgive Us for not responding sooner, but We wished to discuss the matter amongst Ourselves before confronting this so-called horror (as soon as Princess Cadenza got over the dry heaves from thy rather revolting description of what Princess Twilight tells us to be cat throw-up). We are assured that Princess Twilight is dealing with the situation personally, and that We need not intervene, but We wished to explain Our hesitation to respond to thee in the hopes that thou wouldst not take offense.
Best wishes,
Princess Luna, Princess Celestia, and Princess *sigh, do I really have to sign it like this, Auntie Luna? fine...* Mi Amore Cadenza

~~~)*(~~~

Rarity,
I'm on my way over. I know a wonderful spell for cleaning up those kinds of messes and another for removing stains and smells, so we'll have it dealt with in a hurry. And I suppose I can't blame you for enjoying the dragonfire mail spell; it is rather fun. See you in a bit!
Your friend,
Twilight

Author's Note:

One of my cats threw up the other day, and I suddenly had an idea. What can I say? I'm not one to deny inspiration when it comes.

I hope I didn't completely butcher Rarity's character during this series of letters. I sincerely apologize to all Rarity fans, along with the writers and Tabitha St. Germain if I did.

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