When Dash figures out that Scootaloo ran away from home and has been living on the streets, she decides to take her in and look after her. What will the other ponies say about this?
Chapters (8)
- Member Since 15th Nov, 2011
- offline last seen Oct 5th, 2012
lRainbowDashl
I'm a film director and game developer attempting to write. I have lots of learning problems, so go easy on me. Some of my stories are edited by Shadow Blaze, some aren't.
lRainbowDashl
Joined 15th Nov, 2011 ·
Offline
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This story looks promising. It has a good starting point. Unfortunately, it is a little prone to grammatical errors. (And yes, I do know that will be a problem for you. Maybe getting someone to proofread it first might help?)
Anyhow, I can't wait to see how your story unfolds.
Please update soon!
Tails and Sonic :P.
Hmm...I have something for you. Let me read the full story first.
Needs a huge grammar and English warp up...
I am free most of the day...maybe I can help be your editor. I could keep the storyline exactly the same (and confusing, I have to admit, though I think that is because of the grammar).
I could even improve the story if you like. How about that ?
If you agree, send a PM to me and I will sort things out on how we are going to do it.
Scootaloo and Dash
Hmm, sounds promising!
Reads description
Better and better
Reads tags
>romance
Not certain as to degree of desire.
Do you want a sex scene between Dash and Soarin? or do you want it to be more romantic as in Soarin taking Dash out for dinner because Soarin and Dash's romantic life will get better.
Not bad, I really like this story, its new and different please Keep us the good work!
33344
I think that a romance scene would be better.
Ok how about this i finish off this section about the bullies then i put Soarin and Dash out on a date?
You are doing pretty good, but you need to fix some grammar erros, also I don't realy see the reason for Soarin to help Scootaloo, like...Why don't you add a reason for him to help her? like he had the same suffering like her in the passed or something like that, it's just a aboservation, don't fell offended (therer are people that fell offended) But keep with the good work
I like the story, but may I proofread it and correct grammatical errors for you? It would flow much smoother
You wouldn't need to credit me or anything, just upload the corrected piece
just read the riters note. BRO IM DYSLEXIC TOO
and I cant spell worth a s****. I feel ya bro I feel ya
in america thoes mo-fos would get arested. and i get the feeling that the writer is adopted and if he is that would make us like exactly alike haha. im dyslexic and adopted (well ADD too, so i suck in school hehe)
i like the top coment. i like the romance, i also like the action. the action is great because they kick ass but i dont really like to see Rainbow Dash (my fav. character) get hurt like that. I also love how motherly she is to Scootaloo
SO MANNY GRAMMAR ISSUES BUT THIS STORY IS JUST SO GOOD!
Yeah man, I wouldn't mind being a prereader for yah. :D
dude you need to stop using jesus christ not because its offensive its because it makes no sense i don't think ponies had jesus
35190 that's what I said Haha, instead use celestia, or luna.
i'm sorry but there are allot grammar errors..
your constantly mixing there with their and sometimes you for get to put a full stop in
she turned around to see Soarin standing their and all her friends including Sweetybell and Applebloom(.) Twilight was the first to speak.
you need to turn your i's into I's.
"your behavior is simply diabolical" (not sure if best word choice)
you need to preread your story more closely before publishing...srsly
35209 AND STOP USING JESUS AND GOD!! REPLACE THEM WITH CELESTIA AND LUNA!
I agree with both 35209 and 35320 but apart from that I think the story its self is good. its just the grammar errors and "Jesus and God" please use "CELESTIA AND LUNA" instead.
:0 omg........
You should make an ending for fun I cried during this I was scared
:
Interesting concept... for the small bit I managed to read. Please consider getting an editor. The sheer amount of spelling and grammatical errors in this made it impossible for me to read very far. Consider it practice for improving your writing and grammar. I'm dyslexic myself, so I understand it's a bit harder, but it's worth practicing on.
*ALL CAP'S RAGE!!!!*
i hate cliff hangers! im on the eadg of my seat looking forwared to what comes next!
Would you mind if i took some of the ideas of this story and put them in my own story but also put an ending to it
GET AN EDITOR
ugh... i've forced myself to read till now beacause i thought you would get an editor. but no. call me when you get one or please stop writing.
Poor Scootaloo!!!! I Seriously Wish I Could Jump Into your Story I Would Kick Those Jerks So Hard
!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Feel Better Scootz
you son of a bitch...you killed her...cool story bro!
Send this stuff to an editor, seriously. I really want to read this because the storyline looks great but the writing is so painful I'm actually starting to bleed...
good story but hey my advice is get an editor for your next story
:3 that was awesome....good job on making this :D
what happend to Gilda?
37253 she died bro read the last story again
Its a great idea the story is but dont referance any part of a heumon like at all so that means no fingers or hands. Its hooves or mouth were talken poneys here so ya good story tho
According to the pan-dimensional theory of fanfictions (i.e. this is just a joke), Jesus died for everypony's sins...or everyone's...or everything's...oh heck with it, stop overreacting. It's just a fictional story. I think the pressing of real human children into armies across the real world is a much, much bigger sin than some common citizen swearing in a piece of fanfiction.
That being said...author, I really think your cohesion would improve if you referred to authority figures in the MLP continuity. Referring to Jesus in Equestria would require you to explain where Equestria is in relation to Earth, Jerusalem, Christianity, and cosmology. I think it would be a lot less work for you if you just referred to Celestia and/or Luna. After all, they're supernaturally powerful enough to raise/lower the sun and moon. They would fit at least demigod role, such as Hercules lifting the world upon his shoulders in place of Atlas.
Remind me to proof this when I get home.
PONIES EAT BACON
omg dude this story is great, but dude listen very closly, GREAT AN EDITOR!
i <3 romance writing, however i like action too, but i like action more when i can see it. That being said proofread your stories first, i learned to do that the hard way.
L. Cranston is right just shut up and enjoy the fraking story. and if it really bothers you that much just replace it in your head, i'm playin' Assassian's Creed while i'm reading this (helps me play focus and play better) do you really think think i wanna hear about God
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO YOU KILLED SHE'S GOT A HELL OF A FANBASE AND YOU KILLED HER......that takes guts
46421 was that on purpose?
I would never lay a finger on you in bad intentions
Mostly because I don't have fingers but you get the Idea!
I think the problem is that the story dosen't build well. One secound Soarin' is new in town, the next day they are BF and GF. There needs to be better character development.
The beginning of this chapter is a little weird and confusing
But it's still good.
A lot of it feels rushed, but still enjoyable.
40587 Thanks for the reminder.
BEACON!!!
The lowercase i when they should be uppercase was the hardest part of reading this story.
Sweetybell
One more thing... BACON!!!
