Dash vs Mare (final)

Jphyper #1 · Dec 5th, 2011 · 3 · ·

The first half is excellent. It makes me wonder why the second half took such a sharp nosedive in quality. The second half is obviously extremely rushed. I want to read what happens, but I can barely understand what you've written.

#2 · Dec 5th, 2011 · · ·

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Totally rushed, but the plot is good nonetheless

#3 · Dec 5th, 2011 · · ·

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Ok... this needs a LOT of work. I mean, it looks like it was writen by a three 2nd grader. Look, the idea has already been used (well). The main problem (besides the terrible grammer) is that it all feels WAY too rushed. 2 stars.

lRainbowDashl

lRainbowDashl #4 · Dec 6th, 2011 · · ·

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One thing i dont get is i get a ton of views and comments people love my work but tell me to get an editor and proof reader when i actually do get one i get comments like the ones you 3 gave me.

TechnoBrony

TechnoBrony #5 · Dec 6th, 2011 · · ·

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53050 I take offense to that.

My brothers a third grader, and he writes better than this!

lRainbowDashl

lRainbowDashl #6 · Dec 6th, 2011 · · ·

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53155 Wow looks like this place is more full of assholes than i thought maybe i should post elsewhere.

TechnoBrony

TechnoBrony #7 · Dec 6th, 2011 · · ·

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53164 ..... Look. My Brother, the third grader, can beat me in chess...

A course, so could a rabid lemur with lung cancer.

I am not trying to hurt your feelings or anything like that, dude. I was making a joke. You know, haha, shake it off, call me a jerk. general process.

I wrote like this when i was in seventh grade, and I went to a couple writing seminars. If I hadn't, I would still be posting on Fanfiction.net, AND IT IS SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much worse over there. They beat the snot out of you for every little fucking thing you get wrong. (Oh, your FUCKING comma is out of place. Oh, Rainbow Dash ISN't a guy, as some offhand examples.) Yes I thought RD was a guy when I first entered MLP. But I got better, just like you will.

But see, you get this kinda crap, like mine, to let you know that you need to get better... And for shits and giggles for me when you openly call me a jerk.

Trust me, Its words. They don't mean shit.

Tawverni

Tawverni #8 · Dec 6th, 2011 · · ·

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53164

No, it's full of people who know you have potential. FIX THIS UP, is what we're trying to say. -Coming from a reliable Reviewer. (NO YOU CANNOT HAVE A FREEBIE)

k12314

k12314 #9 · Dec 6th, 2011 · · ·

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53141

I could fix it up for you if you want. I can get it done really quickly. Hooray for being an ungodly fast typer.

lRainbowDashl

lRainbowDashl #10 · Dec 6th, 2011 · · ·

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53247 sure give it a go.

lRainbowDashl

lRainbowDashl #11 · Dec 6th, 2011 · · ·

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53247 sure give it a go.

53218 Well it wouldnt hurt every now and agin instead of hearing this is rushed fix it to hear This is rushed i enjoyed the story and can see you have potential but it does need to be fixed up for example Here and here seem a bit out of place.
See what i mean?

53196 Well it is the internet unless you add a or so its imposible to read sarcasm or jokes.

iFiredone

iFiredone #12 · Dec 13th, 2011 · · ·

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Why didn't you send this too me? I could of fixed this real good

Twiddle

Twiddle #13 · Dec 24th, 2011 · · ·

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The reason for the grammer being so bad is because of dawn no offence to them there a great friend but he didnt read through it all the way and didnt change the mistakes plus the only author which was writing all the way thorugh was Dash me and rob worked at it different times from each other i did the first part and rob the last.
Twiddles.