just making this profile to track stories Oh well.... Hi, I am a newbie writer, I'm from Indonesia so I'm sorry if there are some ( a lot of ) grammar mistakes
Scootaloo REALLY want to fly, and she was dead serious, she wanted to try a dangerous method, freefalling off a cliff hoping to gain adrenaline to fly. Rainbow Dash was Scootaloo only last hope, but she was busy. Rainbow Dash was trapped between two option, friend, or, duty.
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Hmm.. Seems like a quick read.. I'll try it.
EDIT
Is english your first language? You have quite a few grammatical errors, one of them being that sometimes you left out the 'S' at the end of words. Some sentences didn't flow easily, like: "She hugged Rainbow Dash tightly, another tears dropped from her eyes." Could I suggest "She hugged Rainbow Dash tightly, more tears streamed down her face, falling onto the cyan pegasus' body." See how it flows more easily? I hate to point out wrongs in peoples work, I really do. But maybe you should go back and read it out loud, it helps greatly.
added to my read latter
Might wanna put in breaks between characters during dialogue.
should look more like
It makes it a bit easier to read.
It's nice, but it does have some grammatical errors that detract a bit from reading.
dawwwwww
grammar and structure are my only complaints, the story is good otherwise.
1327228
Eeyupe, you guess it right. English is not my first language, I'm Indonesian, live in Indonesia where the english language isn't used much here. Also, it's not wrong to point out mistakes in people's work, I'm really thankful if somebody help to point out mistakes, since my english suck.
1327264
I'm still learning on deciding where to break the dialogue, but I'm just not good at it. I'm still a newbie, learning from experiences. May I ask you a question? How to make readers know who's speaking on each dialogue?
1327836
Grammatical errors, I get that comment every time, I really MUST learn more on vocab and tenses, since english isn't my first language, it's hard to translate it. Got my point? sorry bad grammar.
1329079
May I know what's wrong with the structure, please? and as I have stated in the other replies, I'm still a beginner learner and english isn't my first language. Thanks anyway :3
Thank you everybody for your comments and reviews, I promise I'll learn from my mistakes and make a better one next time. Ciao
*extra : oh.. and sorry for the extremely late reply, the time zone is different here, sorry.
1330765 Double post.
*ahem* I'm willing to help ween out the errors for this story, simply because I've been feeling good for a while.
1330814
oh.. slow internet, I hate it
Thanks for your help, you're kind, real kind :D
1330773
Its mostly the dialogue, its readable as is, but you'll find that it is easier when each has its own separate line when another character is talking. It helps distinguish who is the speaker. As for the grammar, I'd have to go back through and highlight the parts that need to be fixed because I've already forgotten
1330851 Alrighty! All I'd need is some kind of way to access the files for the story; perhaps via Google Docs?
1330773
Quite easily when it's only between two characters. Establish who's talking, then continue to insert breaks in between them. An argument between two fillies is a good example of this. (I'm not a writer by any stretch of the imagination, so this example will be a bit bland.
)
And so on. With more characters, you need to add more descriptors.
1330904
here
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1449ufEfP-E9imCz6QCbN_ZhGvVQANpvExcGfjPqJO7g/edit
it's the raw one though :/, I edited the text after I moved it to fimfiction.net, so... yeah
and sorry for the extremely late reply (again), timezone :/
1331307
Thanks... that help me pretty much, I should try it in my next story (still WIP and on hiatus though)
1336902 s'all good, you replied and that's good enough.