The Mane 6 have unexpected guests. *Just a short story I wrote in the past 3 days to cure my boredom, Critics and reviews are welcomed, read and enjoy*
WARNING : Your screen may broke after reading this
Chapters (3)
- Member Since 22nd Jan, 2012
- offline last seen Dec 2nd, 2015
DashCamp(IDBrony)
just making this profile to track stories Oh well.... Hi, I am a newbie writer, I'm from Indonesia so I'm sorry if there are some ( a lot of ) grammar mistakes
DashCamp(IDBrony)
Joined 22nd Jan, 2012 ·
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- Jrakob · 7.8k words · 56 2 · 17k views
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not bad.
Just Needs 2 major things
1. SPACING!!!
2. some rewriting and in depth detail would be great
You got to many walls of text.
848761
1. oh? alrighty then.., my eyes are more comfortable with this spacing, so.. what's the recommended number?
2. more detailed? Okay
848860
walls? spacing problem? sorry, but my eyes are more comfortable with that kind of text, spacing number suggestion please?
thank you everypony for spending some of your minutes to read my shitty fanfic, I need to work more on grammar, so.. I'm sorry for the mistakes inside. And because my eyes are more comfortable with the tight text, so.. I'm sorry if my habit annoy all of you on reading.
break off every 3-4 sentences and 1-2 for long ones
848966
Okay, gonna try it in my next story
848976
And for dialogue as well.
Every time a new character speaks, drop a line. Its standard literary protocol and its makes reading a tonne more enjoyable for the reader, trying to keep track of who says what.
849274
, I usually write a story without dialogue, so..yeah. I need more training urgh..
fail me
thanks for the advice
just one question...dose prince nirvana make music? chzbronies.files.wordpress.com/2011/08/my-little-pony-friendship-is-magic-brony-for-those-who-lack-palms.jpg
852894
did you mean take part? Yes he did, but Luna's spell made him unconscious. Sorry but I'm lost at your question 
I suck
make music? eh.. what?
*Edit : Did you mean the band 'Nirvana'?
The grammar... IT BURNS US! IT BURNSSSS US!! And sometimes the characters ask stupid questions and I don't even! I like the crossover anyway.
"Rarity spoke her sentence absolutely straight" the hell does that even mean?
I DONT' SPEAK THIS LANGUAGE.
890897
I need to study more English
I know I know.. I'm still learning, I'm sorry that my fics make you blind, English isn't my first language, so.. yeah.
H()w D@ you n0T speak 1t, 1t'5 ea5y.
852894 Nirvana is the best.
You must make a new paragraph each time the speaker changes like rainbow blitz to rainbow dash you know and the male version of Celestia and luna name is Solaris and Atremis and royal Canterlot voice is like THIS you must bold it.