"I hereby call this emergency meeting of the Council of Friendship to order," Twilight said.
As time was a factor, Twilight had hurriedly sent a message to Celestia, told Spike to watch the castle and report anything amiss, then appropriated Town Hall for use as an impromptu gathering place for her friends, who all stood around, confused and concerned. "The...Council of Friendship?" Rainbow asked. "Seriously? We're going with that now?"
"First Ah heard of it," Applejack said.
"I like it!" Pinkie Pie said with a grin.
"Girls, focus," Twilight said. She gestured to the two unicorns standing beside her. "This is Rosetta Stone, and this is Dr. Amber Glow. They're with the EEHS, and the foremost experts on ancient Anugypt available."
The girls blinked at the two unicorns.
"Uhh...which one's which?" Rainbow asked. "I mean, those are both mares' names, but..."
Rosetta Stone dipped his head, his ears wilting.
"Rainbow Dash!" Rarity snapped. "Honestly!" She smiled placatingly at Rosetta Stone. "Do ignore her, Dr. Glow—"
Amber Glow coughed. "I am Dr. Glow," she said. "Zis dummkopf is Rosetta Stone."
"Oh. I do apologize."
"ANYWAY," Twilight said loudly, stepping forward and flaring her wings, "we have a crisis on our hooves."
"Tell me about it," Applejack said. "Ah can't water apple trees with milk!"
"Too much milk is bad for my animals," Fluttershy said. "And some of them are lactose intolerant!"
"Yes, the milk is a bad thing, but it's not the real crisis," Twilight said. "At least, if what the EEHS ponies say is happening is true."
"I kinda hope it is," Rainbow said, fluttering her wings excitedly. "Because fighting mummies sounds awesome!"
"M-mummies?!" Fluttershy gasped, shrinking back. "Oh...oh my..."
"Excuse me darling," Rarity said. "Did you say...mummies? As in...as in the Anugyptian mummies from the exhibit?"
"Yes," Twilight said. "Apparently, some sort of ancient curse has brought the mummified sphinxes to life, and they're...well...missing."
"Curses an' mummies?" Applejack asked, scratching her head. "Ain't that jes' th' kinda thing you always say is silly nonsense?"
"Ordinarily, yes," Twilight said. "But we're dealing with sphinxes here, and to be honest, we don't really know what they're capable of." She frowned and began to pace. "According to these esteemed ponies, there are nine plagues which accompany this curse. The first plague is water turning into milk." She glanced at Amber Glow for confirmation.
Amber Glow nodded. "Ja. As Queen Neferkitti regenerates her nine lives, ze nine plagues vill fall upon ze land. Her dark power vill grow, und Equestria vill be plunged into chaos."
"So whadda we do to stop it?" Rainbow asked.
Amber Glow shook her head. "Ich weiss nicht," she said. "According to legend, Queen Neferkitti vas sealed avay because ze ancients feared she vould become as great a threat to ponykind as ze jackal king. Ze pony slaves took Lionaptra in ze dead of night und killed ze Queen eight times, zen mummified und buried her alive in her ninth life."
"Why didn't they just kill her nine times?" Pinkie asked. "I mean, wouldn't that have made more sense?"
"It's all very complicated," Rosetta Stone said, adjusting his glasses. "It has to do with religion and superstition and the afterlife and...well, it's all very complicated."
"In any case," Amber Glow continued, "Queen Neferkitti vas entombed beneath Lionaptra mit her daughter und her two faithful retainers, also mummified in their ninth lives." She started to pace. "Mit ze invocation of ze curse, zese ancient mummies now roam free, und ze nine plagues vill herald ze Sphinx Queen's return."
"So...what do we do?" Rainbow repeated slowly.
Twilight sighed. "For now, the six of us need to try to find and contain the sphinxes while Rosetta Stone and Dr. Glow research a way to put a stop to this." She turned to the two unicorns. "My library is at your disposal. It probably won't have much that'll be of use with this, but until Princess Celestia gets our message and contacts your colleagues, it's the best we've got."
"We'll do our best, Your Highness," Rosetta Stone said.
"Thank you," Twilight said. "Okay, girls, let's move out!"
"Yeah!" Pinkie cheered, jumping up in the air. "We'll round up this pissy pussy posse in no time!"
The doors to Town Hall opened in Twilight's magical aura, and the six friends strode boldly and confidently out into the streets of Ponyville...
...right into a massive swarm of angry, hissing cats.
"...right after we round up this pissy pussy posse," Pinkie Pie said, her ears drooping.
"The second plague," Rosetta Stone said gravely. "The plague of cats."
"Komm, dummkopf," Amber Glow said brusquely. "Ve haff vork to do."
* * * * *
Ponyville was overrun with hundreds of cats of all shapes and sizes, stampeding through the streets, yowling, hissing, spitting, and scratching. Everywhere one looked, ponies could be seen running in panic.
"The horror! THE HORROR!" Lily Valley screamed before fainting right into the furry frenzy.
Lyra Heartstrings stood on the tips of all four hooves on the back of the bench she and Bon Bon had been sitting on moments earlier. "Where did all these cats come from?"
Bon Bon frowned. "This is a real catastrophe," she said. "I had a feeling a cataclysm was just over the horizon." She sighed. "I guess this is just how it is...even though the bugbear's been catapulted back to Tartarus, I still can't catch a break..."
Lyra's right eye twitched.
"I wonder what the catalyst is—MMPH!" Lyra seized a random cat with her magic and rubbed it in Bon Bon's face.
"Just...no," Lyra said.
* * * * *
"AH-CHOO!"
Cranky Doodle Donkey's toupee flew across the room from the force of his sneeze, landing on one of the many cats that had gotten into the cottage. The cat yowled and started clawing the nearest thing—which happened to be Matilda.
"GAH!" Matilda screamed. "Cranky, do something!"
"I ca-cuh-CHOO! Can't!" Cranky said. "I'm alluh-huh-herCHOO!"
"SCAT, cats!" Matilda shouted, bucking cats left and right as Cranky sneezed his head off.
* * * * *
"My cello!" Octavia cried, curling up into a ball and whimpering as several cats used her beloved cello as a scratching post.
Vinyl Scratch frowned and cranked up her bass cannon, then dropped a beat that literally blew the cats that had invaded their house straight out the front door.
* * * * *
"GREAT WHICKERING STALLIONS! GET OFF OF THAT THIS INSTANT! IT ISN'T—"
*ZAP* "HREEEEOWL!"
"—safe..."
* * * * *
"H-hey! I was saving that milk for muffin time! AH! No, don't eat those! W-wait...I think I have a fish muffin here somewhere..."
"Why would you have a fish muffin...?"
"The Muffin of the Month Club sends me some very strange things sometimes..."
* * * * *
"N-no, please, don't go that way...oh, why won't you listen to me?" Fluttershy flew this way and that down a street full of yowling cats and panicking ponies. She tried desperately to get the cats to listen to her, but they were going completely berserk. She'd managed to get a few of them in line and behaving, but compared to the absolute chaos the rest of the cats were causing, it was like taking a little tiny baby sip of a lake.
"Fluttershy, can't you use your Stare on these cats?" Twilight asked from beside her.
"On this many cats all at once?" Fluttershy asked. "Twilight, my Stare can only do so much! Besides, that only works on critters that are doing what comes naturally to them. This isn't normal!"
"HELP!" a group of fillies screamed. Fluttershy and Twilight watched as a swelling wave of cats crashed down the street, carrying the Cutie Mark Crusaders, Silver Spoon, and Diamond Tiara on their backs.
"Oh my goodness," Fluttershy whispered. She swooped down; Twilight followed behind her. Working together, they rescued the five fillies and deposited them on a nearby rooftop.
"Stay up here, girls," Twilight said. "Just until we get this mess straightened out."
"Whut's goin' on, Twilight?" Apple Bloom asked, visibly freaked out. "Whut's with all these crazy cats?"
"Yeah, this is a real CAT-astrophe!" Scootaloo said. Silver Spoon punched her in the side.
"It's, well...a mummy's curse," Twilight said. "Come on, Fluttershy! We've got work to do!"
"R-right..."
As the two mares swept off again, the fillies looked at each other excitedly. "Did you hear that?" Scootaloo asked, her wings buzzing. "A mummy's curse!"
"Ah thought curses weren't real," Apple Bloom said with a frown.
"Yeah, but that's like, zebra curses," Sweetie Belle said. "If Twilight says there's a mummy's curse, then there's definitely a mummy's curse." She looked at her two best friends. "And you know what that means."
The Crusaders' faces slowly lit up with maniacal grins.
"CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS CURSE BREAKERS!"
"SERIOUSLY?!" Silver Spoon shouted. "You already HAVE your Cutie Marks! You're STILL gonna go off and do something completely hare-brained that'll probably end in epic fail?!"
Apple Bloom shrugged. "Well...yeah," she said. "It's kinda whut we do."
Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara looked at each other and shrugged.
"We're in," they said together.
* * * * *
"Git...down...outta...them...trees!" Big Macintosh huffed as he swatted ineffectually at cats with a rake. With a frustrated growl, he dropped the rake, turned, and bucked the tree. Cats and apples fell like rain.
A lithe form glided down from the sky, landing in front of him. It wasn't a pony, or any other creature he'd ever seen—and yet he'd read enough in his spare time to recognize her as a sphinx. Her mane was mostly grey, but some of it was glossy, shiny black. Almost half of her body had old, nasty bandages wrapped haphazardly around it, some hanging off and trailing behind her like toilet paper. Her hide was a mix of bold golden pelt and withered, dried grey hairless skin. Instead of hooves, she had a lion's paws; a thin, whiplike cat tail lashed behind her.
Bright blue eyes stared at him from a face that was mostly dessicated; only the end of her muzzle and some of the flesh around her ears showed any vitality. She wore an ornate gold headdress and a necklace dripping with jewels.
She smiled at him, licking her lips. "You are fine and strong," she said. "You would serve me well. Become my slave, and your rewards—"
She passed her paw over an apple that lay on the ground. It turned to solid gold.
"—will be great."
Big Mac frowned. "Nnnnope," he rumbled.
The sphinx scowled. Another, slightly smaller sphinx stepped into view. The wind stirred at his sides, and Big Mac turned his head this way and that to see two mummies flanking him.
The sphinx standing before him raised one paw, baring curved, sharp claws. "Let me put it another way," she said. "Become my slave, or your entire farm becomes my scratching post...AND my litterbox."
Big Mac stomped a hoof. "Try it."
The sphinx smiled...and lashed out at the nearest tree. Big Mac watched in horror as her claws tore straight through the trunk, leaving deep gashes. The tree listed perilously to the right.
"Willoughby!" Big Mac cried in anguish. "You monster!"
The sphinx licked her claws, fixing her eyes imperiously on him.
Big Mac sighed, his ears wilting. "Do Ah still git th' gold?"
The sphinx laughed. "If you serve me well." She flicked her tail across his nose as she walked past him. "Come, slave."
"Eeyup..."
YES! Join the punfun Lyra! Awesome chapter.
So...that bit with the Crusaders...
Does this mean this fic and Trinity are in the same timeline?
... Either Big Mac is smart enough to recognize battles he can't win and doesn't want to be Midas'd,
... or he's enough of a half-wit to be susceptible to ANY mind control.
Seriously, her gestures COULD be mesmerizing him. We dunno.
I have an idea! Get number 3!
6578360 No, it just means it's after they got their Cutie Marks.
That was probably my favorite scene so far.
Hey, it's Bonpun!
Bwahahahaha!
Huh. I really like that explanation. Kudos to you, MythrilMoth.
I feel sorry for Big Mac.
this seems more than mildly annoying
Not even an hour after reading this and already it got updated. Loved this chapter. CMC logic ftw. :P
The cat puns, THEY ARE REAL!!!!! also awesome chapter.
rarity quickly go and get your clan on enslaved diamond dogs! this well be over shortly!
Good stuff btw a scene
"Wait, discord out... well i;m sure if we trick him to siding-"
"Someone already tried it, didn't work." Big mac stated
"Hrmmm.... in that case we better go with plan b of trying to keep him away..." A sphinx muttered.
They going to try and herd cats?
Yeah, good luck with that. I only have one and she ignores me until she wants something
I know that the Sphinxs are evil undead bent on enslaving the populace, but even they don't deserve to face the Cutie Mark Crusaders. That's real torment.
Those bits with the side-ponies were hilarious. Though, the bits with "Doc" and Derpy (she'll always be Derpy to me) were confusing.
What was Doc talking about? It wouldn't be the TARDIS, right?
And who was Derpy talking with?
And man, did my blood boiled when Neferkitti said "slave" so casually. IDK why, but I just can't stand that kind of thing, even if it is "normal" in context.
6578593
Probably some sort of capacitor or other electrical device.
6578515 Discord's role in all this is already determined and written.
6578593 Doc was talking about some random electroshocky thing in his lab, Derpy was just talking to some random unnamed pony, aand as for the slave thing, well...ponies were slaves in Anugypt. But yeah, it's not a nice word.
As much as I think he did about the only thing he could, and live, I dislike how quickly/easily Mac gave in. Looking forward to more.
Keep up the good work. Desu tecum.
6578790 You mean how he outright said nnnope until the thing proved it could tear him to shreds without a second thought? Hell, I'd fold the first time!
This is my favorite part.
6578877 Hence, the only thing he could do, and live.
6575614
theres eds journal from FMA best physical ed ever
6578790
Well Mac resisted for a little while, but it could be possible he realizes that he is out of his league and this requires his sister and friends' touch. Besides he sounds like he isn't fully committed to the slave thing and he is getting paid, if he does his job.
I would think that this whole scene would have played the other way around. I guess Bon Bon might not have realized what she was saying, but Lyra acted just the teeniest bit out of character in my opinion. She's usually the one clowning around, no? Just a thought.
I hope Big Mac is gonna be alright...probably forced to do menial things like groom the Sphinx, or rub their bellies. That's disgusting considering their flesh is currently rotting. It's slowly coming back to life, though...right? Cause I for one would really dislike staying alive with decaying skin. I'd rather be a skeleton, or at least continue to be wrapped. Like a lich dressed up as the invisible man.
So the first curse was milk,
The second Curse was cats
What's the third curse, Twine?
6579407
I'm sorry, did you just suggest that two characters who essentially have no established character were acting out of character?
6579467 Close! Yarn actually.
Not cats! Not CATS! Actually, I don't have much of a problem with cats.
So…these plagues are so far more annoying than truly terrible, and Neferkitty's willing to give Mac gold in return for his service, which isn't what most tyrants would give to their slaves. Are we sure she's evil?
I wonder how long one of a sphinx's nine lives lasts.
6578415
Aren't cats being a nuisance and ignoring all attempts to corral them what cats usually do?
6579322
And slaves typically don't GET paid, so this is actually a pretty good deal.
6575614
Necronomicon is from Lovecraft, its become the "go to" evil book in pop culture but he was the one who came up with it.
I don't blame them for the curse being murdered 8 times and left to suffocate for the last one along with your family ouch much?
She has a point. Just because they know what they are meant to do doesn't mean they have to stop doing everything else. And I love how everyone else was dealing with the cats in their own way.
6579322 Hence, the only thing he could do and live.
Anyone else thinking that when the Maine Six finally track down the mummies they'll be distracted by the outfit that Big Mac's wearing?
Or Applejacks reaction when she catches Pinkie trying to take some pictures?
I'm ashamed to admit that I just now got the pun in the title. Duh.
6579640 The plague of gnats weren't truly terrible. But when the plague of boils comes...
*shudders*
6580185
You mean a general itchy rash?
6580284
Exodus 9:8-12
I mean THOSE boils. I'd hate to be them when that happens. But this is MLP, and a Sphinx with an affinity to cats;,and let's not forget, MythrilMoth. I can see something amazing in the distance...
You know, after Sombra, you'd think Twilight would acknowledge the existence of curses. And after Star Swirl's journal, you'd think she'd know that reading invocations out loud never ends well. She really only has herself to blame. And Rosetta Stone.
As for Neferkitty... Hmm. Discord and the other alicorns may be able to help, but they're clearly dealing with a magical heavyweight here. It should be interesting to see how they solve this problem. Cerberus seems like a natural choice, but the cost of unleashing him is far too great if there are any other viable options.
On a lighter note, the Crusaders' force of habit quite amuses me.
No offense, but I couldn't really read much of it since the constant use of dialogue tags. Not that the idea is bad or anything, far from it! But, some cleaning up of the exposition of it is needed. For example, something like this:
Could be this:
See how much better this is? Also, for the opening, instead of telling me it was a ____ day, describe everything to me. Tell me about the smells, the breeze, the taste, everything! Just some advice, though. I wish you luck with your writing!
6580410
I know what you meant by boils, I just meant she'll probably cause an irritating rash instead.
6580695 The next chapter will address the response from Celestia and Discord. I'm particularly proud of what I've come up with there.
6580921
Plague of Hard-Boiled Eggs.
6579752
Interestingly, Lovecraft himself got the idea from a somewhat older author, by about 30 or 40 years or so. Ever hear of The King In Yellow?
6580974
How dreadful!
Okay, some good, funny moments in this chapter. Don't like how easily Big Mac relented though....although, it was for his trees...
6580632 Awwww come onnnn....
Question: is the title a rewording of "pheromones?"
6581662 That IS the joke, yes.
Somehow I have a feeling the Spinixes will be trouble until the "Avatar of Ra"(the Avatar of Rarw?) shows up.. and get very cross with them making trouble for her student.