The Stargazer and the Ranger - by Evergreen's Author
There was writing in the stars. He simply had to transcribe it.
The evening had come swift and cool, the sun shading the sky a deep and fiery red as it dipped toward the horizon. For miles around, the mountains shone orange, the pine trees deep and black against the pale glow. There were no clouds out tonight, and the wind was still; this was his best opportunity yet.
Lunar Glint was not a pegasus to miss an opportunity. Not when the Canterlot Astronomers’ Guild had given him a research position, not when he’d been given the tools and funding to man his own expedition to the northern Unicorn Range, not when he was finally given the chance to prove his theories about the power of the stars were true.
He double checked his instruments. The precision telescope was level and firmly stationed on the rock shelf; the weather wheel was charged and ready to take account of the atmospherics; the thaumometer was ready to listen in on the glowing spots far above. Everything was in place, and for the foreseeable future, he could foresee no problems.
“Well, hallo there, neighbor!”
Ah, right. The Ranger. How could he forget her?
Tilting his head upward and adjusting his glasses, Glint saw a familiar silhouette occupying a familiar space in the sky. It had four legs, a pine-green coat, wings, and most importantly, a uniform as red as the surrounding sky.
He took a deep breath, like a ship captain about to face a storm. “Evening, Sergeant,” he called.
Sergeant Evergreen fluttered down to him, her hooves squishing into the moss growing from the rock. She straightened her tan campaign hat and gave him a professionally-friendly grin. “Evenin’ Mr. Glint. How’s the wilderness treatin’ ya?”
“Same as yesterday. And the day before.”
“Yah, good to hear. Just thought I’d check in before the sun went down.”
“Much appreciated, thanks.” He turned back to his instruments, even though there was no need to triple-check.
“It’s going to be a good night for stargazing,” she said, looking up.
“That it is.”
The last of the sun's glow finally fled the heavens, painting the entire night sky in a deep blue hue. And then the stars were out in force. Countless spots of light shone against the tapestry, a few hazy clouds of stardust visible in the upper reaches of the sky.
Quickly, he settled his telescope's eyepiece around his right eye, and began his scan. Starting with Polaris, he swept it down, looking for the hazy cloud he'd seen so long ago. The patch of stardust he knew to contain his destiny. Just a little further—there! The viewfinder settled perfectly on the glowing haze; with a few adjustments, he focused in on the individual stars which made it up.
Why were there so many little spots in this one section of sky? There had to be some significance to it. He looked at them closely, trying to spot any patterns or something else to hint at their purpose. There had to be a reason for a blotch of stars to inhabit this particular patch of sky.
Astounding. He turned back, looking back at the cloud. It was still flashing with the same steady beat. The same pattern. This was incredible! Now he just had to decipher what the stars were trying to say.
He turned back to the thaumometer, and frowned. It was beating more intensely, now. Each spike was higher, and they came more rapidly. It was beating like his heart after a marathon flight. Turning back to look at his telescope, he found the stars were still blinking as they had been. Was his instrument malfunctioning?
“Hm,” he said, more to himself than anything.
“Eh?” said Evergreen.
“Oh, it’s nothing, it’s just… Something’s going awry with my instrument.”
He tapped the thing with a hoof. It didn't seem to affect it at all. There was some sort of interference in the air—that had to be it. Was it the moon, perhaps? He turned, looking at the huge glowing disk above him, uttering a silent curse to it. All this effort was going to go to waste thanks to its meddling.
“Maybe it's not malfunctioning,” she said. “What does this thing pick up, exactly?”
“It's calibrated to pick up astral energies. Unless there's been a sudden change in the night sky, there shouldn't be any issue.”
She suddenly went very still. “Wait, so you’re telling me this thing picks up star magic?”
“Yeah, what of it?”
“Is it possible it’s picking up something from the ground?”
“I suppose. But unless something's bouncing the magic from above, I don't see how—”
She held up a hoof, a sudden fire in her eyes. “We hafta go. Now.”
“What?” He frowned. “Why?”
“Ursa Major.”
“What? No. We've been looking at Capricornus this whole time.”
“No, I mean—”
She cut off as the trees below parted like a wave around a rock. A very large rock. A very large, very mobile rock. One with saber teeth, glowing purple fur, and a rather miffed look in its yellow eyes.
“What in the name of—”
“Ursa Major! Hit the skies!”
“Wait, but what about the equipment?!”
“Forget it and move it, ya hoser!”
Grabbing him under the foreleg, she hoisted him into the air; it took him a moment to remember to flap his own wings. As the pair soared up, he heard the beast roar, and the sound of something scraping on rock. Looking back, he saw the thing hauling itself up the cliff face like it was stepping up a set of stairs, its claws and nose sweeping through his campsite in a single motion.
“Wh-what’s it doing?!”
“It didn’t like your scent, boyo. That’s the problem with camping in one spot. Some critters don’t like anypony moving in on their territory. Ursas are one a’ dose.”
He could hear the instruments break with a sound like shattering glass. He grimaced.
“All that work, all for nothing.”
Her face twisted in a sympathetic frown. “Well, ya still got your notes, don’tcha?”
The beast loosed another roar, into which came the sounds of fluttering and shredding paper.
Her frown disappeared, replaced by remorse. “I’m sorry I said anything.”
“Thanks for the sympathy,” he said, sighing.
“I know it’s no real help, but as my great-grandpa always used to say, ‘If you’re looking back at the things you missed, you won’t see what hit ya.’ There’ll be other nights and other chances, eh?”
He pondered that for a moment, his gaze still drifting toward his ruined campsite. He looked back up at the stars; their twinkling lights surrounding him.
They had something to tell him. But perhaps he’d transcribe them another day.
Observation - by Lunar Glint's Author
Evergreen touched down in the small clearing and fluttered her wings before folding them smartly against her side. “We'll have to walk from here.”
“We can’t fly there?” asked Lunar Glint, landing beside her, though slightly less gracefully.
“Where we’re going has a thick canopy, and it’d tear our wings off if we tried to land there,” she replied, gesturing upwards.
Glint nodded, peering around at the forest. This forest was nowhere near as deadly as the infamous Everfree, but he still suppressed a shudder. He readjusted the scarf around his neck and laid it flat; even though it was officially spring, the evenings still weren’t warm enough to go without one.
She glanced up at the disappearing sun for a moment before looking down at compass she procured from a pocked. “It’s this way,” she said, stepping forward.
“Right behind you,” said Glint, jogging until he was next to her. He matched her pace. “I really do appreciate this, you know.”
She smiled out of the corner of her mouth. “Just doing my job.”
“Just doing your job? Do you know how many favors I called in to even find a pony who might have possibly seen a Duskvine, remembered where it was, and bothered to take me there?”
She chuckled. “It’s nothing. I’ll take any excuse to be outdoors.”
“Really?” Glint picked up his forehoof and frowned at the offending mud that was already caking his hooves.
“It grows on you. We should keep moving if we want to be there by nightfall, though.” She nodded her head to the side and totted between a pair of thick trees.
He sighed and continued after her, once again jogging to catch up.
“So what is it that you do, exactly, that makes you want to see a Duskvine?” asked Evergreen, ducking under seemingly nothing. A second later, Glint ran face-first through a spiderweb.
“I’m a scientist,” he said, violently spitting out parts of the web. “I usually look at the night sky and observe plenty of spectacular phenomenon in the depths of space, but I figured it would be an interesting change of pace to see the effects that the heavens have right here in Equestria.” He wiped his face with his wing, finally clearing the web. “After a colleague of mine showed me the recent discovery of Duskvines, I decided to, ah, I suppose you know the rest.”
“Having fun?” she chuckled.
“Sure.” Glint flapped his wing, unsuccessfully attempting to remove the web, then folded it back against his side. “Though, to be honest, I’m not sure I see the appeal yet. How did you get hooked?”
“Eh—” she shrugged “—just liked it, I suppose.”
Glint nodded, letting the silence grow. He followed her for about half an hour, noting how quickly the forest darkened. The little amount of fauna he saw earlier was disappearing quickly, and he could hear the insects of the night singing to each other.
She stopped in a small clearing with a single rock and looked around. A tiny hole in the canopy showed a deep-blue sky.
“We aren’t lost, are we?”
She shook her head, the shadow under the brim of her hat casting her in almost complete darkness. “We’re here. We actually made better time than I thought.”
“Should I take that as a compliment?” he asked.
Her teeth flashed once in the gloom. “Yes.”
“If we are waiting, mind if I sit?” Glint asked, pointing to the rock.
She shook her head. “Not at all.”
He sat on the conveniently sized rock and sighed happily; his sigh turned into a frown when he saw that Evergreen was still standing. “Do you want to join me?” he asked, sliding over.
“I’m okay, but thanks.” She leaned up against a tree.
“There’s plenty of room, you know.”
“Well . . .”
“You’ve probably already been on your hooves for hours today.” Glint patted the rock. “I insist.”
She rolled her eyes. “Easy there, I’m coming.” Evergreen trotted up next to him and eyed the rock for a second then turned and sat down slowly. He gave her as much room as possible, but they still ended up uncomfortably close, pressed wing to wing. She raised her eyebrow. “Plenty of room?”
“. . . Sufficient room?” He scratched his head when she raised her eyebrow higher. “Hmm, you’re right. I doubt Princess Celestia would even be able to fit one cheek.”
She let out a short bark of laughter. “Lunar—”
“Glint, please. I never did like the way Lunar rolls off the tongue.”
“Glint,” she said, shaking her head, “that was wrong.”
He grinned. “Maybe a little. You laughed, though.”
She smirked. “I wouldn't say that.”
“I won't tell if you don't,” he said.
“Tell about what?” she asked, winking. “I didn’t hear anything.”
Glint chuckled. “Me neither.” He glanced around. “It’s getting pretty dark out. Are you sure this is where you saw it?”
“Mmm-hmm,” she hummed. “I only caught a glimpse from a distance, but I know it was right here. After what you’ve told me, it makes sense that I haven’t seen it since then. After the first night, I always came during the day or really late.” She shivered, unconsciously sliding closer, as an unexpected gust of cool wind blew through the clearing. “I’m looking forward to seeing it up close.”
“Me too. I hope that—”
“Shh,” Evergreen said, pointing to the base of the tree in front of them. A matte black tip poked out of the soil. The stem waited, testing the air, before more of the vine slid out. It curved upward, slowly circling the base of the tree, as it sprouted small silver leaves every few inches. The tip bloomed, revealing a dainty iridescent flower.
Higher and higher it went, wrapping itself tightly around the tree, until the flower breached the forest canopy and left their sight. The pair held their breath as light flowed down the plant, illuminating each of the leaves in turn. The plant glimmered in the black, seeming to coat the tree in stars.
Glint gave a low whistle.
“I’ve never seen anything like that before,” whispered Evergreen.
“Astonishing,” he said. His notebook lay forgotten in his saddlebag.
They sat, side by side, until moments later when the leaves went out, one by one, plunging the forest into complete darkness. As quickly as it came, it left, retreating down the tree and into the soil once more, but neither Glint nor Evergreen moved, content. Eventually, they stirred, the cool wind reaching a temperature that caused them to shiver simultaneously.
He stood up, saying, “We should probably go now.” She nodded and joined him. “I can hardly see my hoof in front of my face, though.”
She slid a long, thin rod out of a pocket and tapped it off the ground. After a few seconds, it glowed with a warm light, illuminating her face. “Follow me.” She tucked the light into the brim of her hat and set off the way the came, Glint in tow.
The cold black forest did nothing to ease Glint, and he found himself inching closer and closer to Evergreen and her light. Nonetheless, each time he broke a twig underhoof, his breath caught, and he looked around, wishing that he was with a larger group, but the feeling quickly subsided when he saw Evergreen’s head constantly scanning the forest.
Far, far too long later, they reached the area where they had landed, and Glint sighed in relief. “I want to thank you once again for taking me out here tonight, Evergreen.”
Evergreen nodded, smiling. “My pleasure, Glint.”
“Do, uh, you think we could do this again sometime? I never did take any notes.” He grinned sheepishly.
“. . . How about tomorrow?” she asked. “I don’t have anything else going on.”
“That . . . sounds great.” He smiled.
He held his hoof low, offering his hoof to shake, but she raised hers high, offering a hoof bump. They quickly switched, each trying to mirror the other, but in doing so, failing miserably. Mentally shrugging, they reached forward, meeting at an awkward hoofshake that ended with a limp bump.
She chuckled as he facehoof. “Until tomorrow,” he said.
She nodded and waved as he jumped into the air and flew out of the forest. As he soared above the sea of green on his way back to his house, he couldn’t help but remember the pleasant feeling of her wing against his as they talked.
Evergreen's Author
I really liked the established roles there, and the fact that Evergreen acts like a concerned neighbor to good ol' Lunar Glint, checking on him and such. I felt it played better to their skills and talents as well.
Lunar Glint's Author
Both authors wrote superb stories that fully showcase the characters and interactions, but Lunar Glint's Author was just a little more in-depth and set the mood and tone of the setting a little better.
Evergreen's author
I thought Lunar Glint's story was more about stuff happening than the characters. Evergreen put some motivations in there. I can get what the characters' hopes and desires are, more than in Lunar Glint's story.
Evergreen's Author
Too damn close. Going with Evergreen because the characters' voices were stronger and the concept was more creative.
vote: Lunar Glint's author
As clear as it is to me that Evergreen's author wrote a more mechanically sound (and generally better quality) story, I have to give it to Lunar Glint's author for the level of character interaction. Evergreen's author left much untold and didn't give much attention to the characters interacting, settling in for a more-or-less complete short story instead of a scene that could've been dissected from a larger piece. Not to say this is bad, but I think it left the author at a disadvantage. Character interaction is the crux of this tourney, if I'm not mistaken, and I definitely feel like I got more out of it with Lunar Glint's author for the same amount of action.
I also must not fault Lunar Glint's author for not giving Evergreen an accent like her author utilized and seemed to have intended. Because, well, Evergreen's author didn't mention any accent on the character sheet.
LUNAR GLINT AUTHOR VOTE
Man I really like both of these, and I wish that the Lunar's story had the accent. But overall, I just liked it more. I liked how contained it was. It was a complete moment, and that's always nice.
IN THE GRIM DARKNESS OF FIMFICTION, THERE IS ONLY OBS
Lunar Glint's Author
The vote is neck an neck for a reason. Both have great qualities to them, but I have to go with Lunar Glint's Author solely because of the increased emotional reaction that Lunar Glint's Author created in me.
Evergreen's Author vote
I really loved both of these. Evergreen and Glint were adorable in both of them. I suddenly have an urge to ship them.
However, my votes goes to Evergreen, as I thought the characterization was just a bit stronger there. In addition, I wish to see Evergreen go on to interact with more OCs--she's a really unique character, and the author behind her is very talented.
Lunar Glint's author
This really is a close one. As pretty much everyone has said, both these stories are solid entries.
Evergreen's Author
Evergreen's Story
Pros: Both OCs were characterized well. Their conversations showed a lot about their relationship with very few words, and the dialogue felt very natural and in-character. Note that I'm not taking accent into account, since it wasn't specifically called out on the character sheet.
Cons: The ending and lesson felt very rushed. This is a common pitfall in contests, so going forward, give the ending more room to breathe.
Glint's Story
Pros: I enjoyed the descriptions of the scenery, and the story felt very complete.
Cons: It could use another round of proofreading, and the dialogue seemed stilted at times.
Good showing from both authors. This was close, and for me, it came down to characterization. Evergreen's story established a lot about these characters' relationships in very few words, and both characters felt more distinct.
Lunar Glint's author
I am breaking my trend of voting for the story with more action in it, because this story was heart-stoppingly sweet.
Lunar Glint's Author
I find both Evergreen and Lunar Glint to be fairly well-rounded characters (making both of these a pleasure to read), but I have to hoof it to Glint's creator simply for making better use of the characters and information provided about the two. It was clear to me that Glint was trying to make advances in the second tale, but was comedically failing to do so, and despite Evergreen being in her preferred environment in both tales, her easygoing nature seemed, to me, just that much more apparent, while still highlighting her wilderness experience.
As much as I honestly prefer Evergreen as a character and would love to hear more of here in future tales, I have to give this one to Glint.
- Cyanhyde
Evergreen's Author
Both of these stories were mixed bags. I absolutely love that something actually happens in Evergreen's that brings in some external conflict. We don't get nearly enough of that in these entries. But at the same time, the story felt too short and probably could've done more to show Evergreen's character.
Likewise, I loved the mini-worldbuilding going on in Lunar Glint's story, with the Duskvine thing. It was fun to read, but the story had kinda the opposite problem of the first one, that we just got personalities and nothing happened. And neither of these characters have especially interesting personalities, so that left the second story wanting.
I'm noticing something here. There are two kinds of OC's: the ones that are notable or interesting or "special" because of what they do, and the ones who are all those things because of who they are. Neither kind is better than the other, but you really have to know which one your OC (and your opponent's) falls under. For example, both of the characters here are what I'll call "Occupational OC's", since they're defined by what they do. Glint's thing is his interest in nighttime stuff. There's really nothing else about him worth mentioning. Likewise, Evergreen's sole feature is that she's a ranger. From a storytelling and characterization standpoint, everything else is irrelevant. I'm going to name these groups "Occupation OC's" and "Personality OC's".
It seems to me that the key to making a "good" OC is to balance these two axes of interesting-ness. OC's that don't have a very interesting gimmick or job need to have a very distinct and interesting personality, or else what's the point of them? And if what they do is unique and cool enough, they can usually get by with a simpler personality. Mary Sues tend to try for both and end up seeming pretentious and corny, or think they don't need either and they're just likable enough to be liked.
Lunar Glint's Author
It's crazy. I'm reading you folks' comments, and some of the things being said seem to apply more to the other story than the one you're saying them about, so much so that by the time I got down to this comment box, I was confused enough to have to go re-read the entries.
Like, y'all are saying Evergreen's was better edited, but I'm seeing weird things like
and
plus some hyphen and semicolon misuse. In Lunar Glint's entry, on the other hand, the only issue I spotted apart from the awful (but consistent) ellipses was a "phenomenon" that was supposed to have been pluralized and one spot where a comma was missing. And, mind you, Lunar Glint's author's entry was the longer of the two, so there was more room in which to mess up.
People are saying there was a lot there to make the characters distinctive in the Evergreen entry—past the accent, even—and I'm just not seeing it. In the case of the character of Lunar Glint, sure, but as for Evergreen herself? What's there apart from that she's helpful and savvy with the wilderness? We get the same from the Lunar Glint entry, but more strongly for the time spent showcasing her. And in the case of the character of Lunar Glint, even if it was distinctive in its own way in the Evergreen entry, I felt it better matched the sheet (specifically in reference to his reactions to the opposite sex—one of the few major things actually said about him) in the Lunar Glint entry.
Lunar Glint's Author
Lord, another hard one... I enjoyed both, though they both had some of their weaker points. I feel like Glint's author got a very fine read on the character as given, despite being something of a different interpretation. And though I was expecting it, and it is your character, I still wish you hadn't gone so far with the accent, Evergreen's author. Still, it made sense, it was accurate. The personalities on both were nice. I think what finally decided it for me was that the pacing of Lunar's author's story was just a bit better, overall. It sounded a bit more natural as I read, whereas the first always had something of a stiffness to it, jerking just a little too fast. But it wasn't bad, just not quite as good as the other.
You two should totally get together after this and collab with these characters, heh. You'd make some cute stories.
Lunar Glint's author
The prose in the first entry shaded purple on a few occasions and was not as smooth as the writing in the second entry. Lunar Glint's story was a really nice slice of life tale that showcased the two characters well.
Evergreen's Author
Evergreen's Author
Evergreen's Author
Not sure what a weather wheel is (I looked it up, and I'm not sure it's what you're talking about. Or is it?) but it sounds appropriate for canon. I liked the ursa--an underused monster, IMHO. And the Canadian dialect was good--having just returned from Canada, it brought back fond memories. I would have liked to see more of Evergreen, though: she felt like too much of a secondary character.
Lunar Glint's Author
It had good character interaction, and it was also well-written. Also good worldbuilding.
Truth is, I had some real trouble choosing between these two.
LUNAR GLINT'S AUTHOR
I wish I could give credit where it's due to the first story's great hook and compact construction, but it ultimately suffered for not doing much with its solid opening. By comparison, the second story has both a clearer sense of progression and better chemistry between the two players, as well as a nicely original concept in the Duskvines. Fair play to both authors, though.
Evergreen's Author
The writing may not be as clean as the second story, and the scene may not be as pretty and lulling, but I think the characters shone better under Evergreen's author's keyboard. Still, quite a tough call.
MY WAIFUEVERGREEN’S AUTHOR
The Stargazer and the Ranger
Liked: Boy was this funny! She called him a hoser! :D
Disliked: It doesn’t amount to much in the end. She shows up, he stargazes, she figures out what’s going on, boom, his stuff is destroyed, the end.
Observation
Liked: The Duskvines were a neat touch.
Disliked: This story really suffers for the comparison to its partner. I didn’t get as good a feel for either character in this one. (Of course, what I’m really saying is I’m disappointed you didn’t use Evergreen as the comedic character she’s meant to be.)
Evergreen's Author
This was one of the tightest stories in the competition so far. Both stories did good characterization and were well-written, so it's hard to judge them a lot on punctuation or grammar (at least, it is to me). The writers' for this story certainly put forward a lot of effort and I applaud the both of them.
But I'm going for Evergreen's story for a few different reasons. One, I thought their interactions seemed a bit more what new acquaintances would act like. Lunar Glint's was fine, but these two seemed a tad too comfy with each other for it to match up with their personalities as described on the character sheet. Two, I liked the idea of Lunar being annoyed at Evergreen for being too friendly and wanting to get along with his work. The romance was cute and sweet in Lunar's story, but it didn't feel as natural as the situation in Evergreen's story. Finally, I thought that Evergreen's excuse for involving herself with Glint seemed more natural in Evergreen's story.
Given how close the votes for these stories are, it's clear a lot of people have differing views on which story is better. At this point, it could go either way. Frankly, I think that's a sign of the stories' quality. I hope I'm not alone in saying that both of these authors have enough talent deserving of the 2nd Round, and that I won't be angry no matter which author wins this round.
Evergreen's Author
Hoo boy. There's been some tough calls, and then there's this. Both stories did good things with what was on the sheets, but I think the former did a bit more, especially with Glint. The latter doesn't really hint at any internal conflict; it's just two individuals off doing something. The former seems to give a bit more weight to what's happening, hinting at things under the surface, which is subtlety I can appreciate. Again, tough call, but I have to give it to Evergreen.
This one was tough! But in the end I have to give to Lunar Glint's author.
The main reason is how the inner life of Lunar Glint, but even more so that of Evergreen, come out more in LGA's story.
Evergreen's author
Yeah, tough one. As I finished both stories, I was left unsure of which one to vote for. First time in the competition so far that I've actually been left indecisive. So I decided to give the comments a read before casting my vote to see if anybody could convince me to go for one side or the other. Ultimately, I decided I'm going with Evergreen, because frankly, I think both stories gave me a good impression of the characters' personalities, and both had really nice interaction, so what it comes down to is whether or not I liked the action and external conflict of the ursa more than the neat worldbuilding of the Duskvine. And I did. So there goes my vote.
This looks again like it'll be a close one, so I really have my fingers crossed for Evergreen on this one.
Evergreen's Author Vote
Liked both, but enjoyed Evergreen's more. I am quite disappointed that there was no 'aboot' in there, though.
Evergreen's Author
Evergreen is adorable.
Abstain
Whenever I decide on one or the other, I look at my vote and end up really unhappy with it. So I switch it to the other. Then I'm really unhappy again. So the only clear answer to me is to abstain.