Here you will find a collection of stories and tales from across Equestria.
Final Story: Resurgence
Past Story: With Nightmare Night coming to a close, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo settle in for a sleep over at the Sweet Apple Acres farm with their fellow Cutie Mark Crusaders. The three decide that one thing is missing however. A little extra "something" to bring an end to their night of treats and frights.
A/N: This is made for the EQD writer's training grounds. After participating in the last one, I feel it wiser to not make ten to fourteen plus individual stories, which can clog up my story count level.
Stories will be marked in parenthesis with the appropriate style of (Slice, Dark,) and the like. I will also update the characters selection for the newest/most relative story.
Curious. Are you planning on expanding this with later prompts?
And it seems he managed to weasel out of telling her he was sleeping on the job.
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I think I might try a "little" something with the successive prompts that come out.
I wrote comments on the original EqD post here. (I was cornfused.)
Just finished reading your story, and, well, it's been an interesting ride from start to finish! I was expecting Braeburn's tale to be all kinds of ridiculous, seeing as how the bar's patrons were hanging on his every word, but then you changed it up with an actual incident! It feels like you're going to do a follow-up with that blue meteorite, and I want to see where that plot thread leads, too. I do have some recommendations though - mostly with sentence length. Outside of your dialogue (which is spot on and very nice, I have to say), most sentences seem to be short and devoid of commas. There used to be this guy named Gary Provost, who was a writing instructor, and he said:
So try that, and keep on writing!
Quite good. The only real critique I have about it is that the story is so short.
With the idea you had, you could have written it much longer, perhaps 7,000 - 10,000 words long.
And I didn't understand why the saddle bag of Applejack was in the Doctor's lab. How did it come there?
Aside from that, it was a good read. Stories with The Doctor and Derpy are great! :D
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The original idea I had was the current story's event occurring, and then a final vibration happens. Derpy accidentally falls backwards onto a button that pops up an antennae on top of the building. The googly eyed mail mare appears alright, however, things are more troubling as Derpy says in a deep voice, "I'm Discord."
At that point, it's an all Tartarus breaks loose moment with the Doctor trying to put Derpy back into her body with Discord back into his body. Sadly, I didn't have the time to develop the story to a point I liked with that idea, so I decided to end it a bit short.
The story doesn't feel boring, it feels really exciting! That's a very good idea that you cooked up here with all those skeleton ponies living in this world.
There's just two plotholes I found in it:
Right after this sentence, that indicates that it will be a while until the spell is wearing off, the spell wears off for Moondancer suddenly and she disappears. Why did Twilight say this when she knew that Moondancer's spell would wear off soon anyway?
Shouldn't it be that, if the caster is exhausted while casting the spell, the spell wears off quicker than usual, instead of working even better by not allowing you to leave the book anymore?
If you work on that, as well as on some smaller mistakes like grammar that I found littered throughout the story, your story would improve greatly.
This story has a lot of potential for expansion, with this mysterious world. Have you thought about building up on it and making a longer adventure story out of it? Moondancer could return to this world without Twilight knowing, because she is fascinated about it and wants to learn more.
By the way, Twilight was mentioning something about helping Applejack. Is this story sort of a sequel to "The Button"?
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... I'm really shocked I didn't catch those grammar quirks/plot holes. I guess that's what happens when you're doing too many things at once. Thanks for the heads up.
In terms of the story, this was a one shot idea involving Haycartes's spall. I hadn't thought about expanding upon it further into a full blown story. There is potential there to have Moondancer stay in the library in Canterlot, using the spell almost non-stop. In regards to unicorn spells, I'm unsure of how to treat them in the world of fantasy. Do they require casting, some kind of mental line of thinking, etc..., and Haycartes's spell I would imagine is quite the powerful spell like Twilight's teleportation. I thought about it requiring focus, concentration, and energy to make it work. If the unicorn is exhausted and casts the spell improperly, the actual timer portion of the spell which acts as a fail-safe wouldn't be placed on the caster. This would result in them being trapped in the world of the book they "leapt" into.
Also, I am thinking of some ideas in terms of what was found in Tall Tale to Tell.
Wow, that's an interesting take on this prompt! You have not described how Luna created the Tantabus, but rather what she thought after she had already created it, in the hours before he tortured her for the first time. That's a very unique idea.
Just a few smaller mistakes:
Should be "I think it would be wise [...]"
"have" is missing.
I think that's all. Seems you did a much better proofreading this time. Your characterization is spot on too, both for Celestia and Luna.
I don't know if one story is enough to judge that, but it seems like you're good at writing internal monologues!
Trollestia completely in her element.
Ah, the crystal is back! You seem to build up an interesting story regarding it.
One day I have to read all these fics in order to follow everything that happens with it.
What was Discord's secret again?
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In all honesty, I wanted to keep things in line with Pinkie Pie trying to keep a secret, and, we the audience, don't get to learn about it. We just know that it involves Discord, his usual shenanigans, and something that happened with Princess Luna. Truth be told though, I didn't have a decent idea to make things work. Discord was a last minute addition to the story because his sudden appearance, along with Pinkie Pie baking, sounded a bit off kilter. By adding a secret to keep and her formulating an idea on how to keep that secret a secret, things flowed a bit better. Twilight's secret, in turn, became the heart of the story where Pinkie Pie needs to decide what secrets are best to keep and what secrets are best not to keep.
Also, I'm just curious if the so-called "secret" I wrote into the story was too obvious or decently hidden.
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Oh, all right.