• Member Since 8th Oct, 2012
  • offline last seen Sunday

DouglasTrotter


What fills and soothes the soul will vary, but for me, I will not know until I try.

E

Hard, long, difficult -- take your pick. Any of those words could describe Derpy's day, delivering mail and packages to ponies. She patiently sits inside Mr. Calzone's restaurant awaiting her order. However, a mishap causes the mail mare's delectable deep dish pizza to go to the wrong pony with the recipient's beloved dessert pizza to her.

Derpy, with her oath pledged, sets off to deliver a pizza and claim hers with a bonus. A week's worth of free pizzas, it's probably worth a bit of trouble, right?

Chapters (7)
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Comments ( 43 )

This is so going to be featured! :rainbowlaugh: Pure brilliance!!

Pretty interesting story, looking forward to what follows!

This looks like the set-up to a particularly hilarious comedy

This pleases me.

1664625 And it never happened. :moustache:

I see greatness in this fic, great things indeed. I can just imagine all sorts of obstacles coming up to stop Derpy. This looks to be a fun fic, here, have a link to an episode of Still Game that involves Pizza.

>Hard, long, difficult -- take your pick
Hard and long :twilightsmile:

1665276 :moustache:

Thank you for the kind comments about the story, it is truly appreciated. This story is a bit of a self-imposed writing challenge, giving myself three days to brainstorm the idea, write it down, expand the story, correct errors, and add content. Currently have an idea for the second part of the story, and will pick up my three day "self-imposed" writing challenge this coming weekend.

If anyone spots something that seems grammatically incorrect, or out of context, feel free to give me a shout and I will certainly fix it. :twilightsmile:

DERPY!!!!! You just made my entire night, I shall await more and hope for the best when you are writing, thank you my friend:ajsmug:

Yikes!:twilightoops: this is going to be good.:eeyup:

Oh, Derpy! :rainbowlaugh: Glad to see an update. I love this story. :derpytongue2:

A perfect chapter, In had a feeling Rainbow was her first hurdle :rainbowlaugh: Ahh....this was very well made, I can't wait to see what else she has to go through, great job:pinkiehappy:

:rainbowlaugh: Ah, Angel, got to love him, though it makes me wonder how Fluttershy pays for her cottage if she keeps refusing bits? GO DERPY, YOU CAN DO IT! How much time did Derpy have? Fluttershy is awesome:yay:

Sorry about the lateness with chapter four. The holidays got a little hectic for me. My mind felt divided on how to best utilize the fourth chapter, and I massively went over my 3 day time constraint for it. Enjoy Everyone :twilightsmile:

:rainbowlaugh: oh jeez and i thought she was in a pizza delivery job but then BOOM she's gatting her food man this is a good story :heart:

OH SHIT! Talk about a fail, Celestia's far to gentle to throw Derpy into the sun, but damn:rainbowlaugh: Wonder what went on with Derpy and Shining Armor:unsuresweetie: Huh.......wonder if what Derpy is doing is tresspassing? Can she be thrown into a dugeon for that? Really loved this chapter, way to go Derpy.:derpytongue2:

Here's the latest chapter after debating how to continue the story. Resumed the 3 day writing period this past Monday, and took a day to create a cover image for the story. Hope everyone enjoys, I do have a plan for finishing the story. I think so at least... :derpytongue2::twilightsheepish:

Also, i'll be updating tags for the story when appropriate.

keep going, i wanna see where this goes
also, i luvz itz like a changling

Deep dish, deep dish; O so gooey, cheesy and chewy. Deep dish, deep dish; O so gooey and perfectly right. Nothing better for a cold bitter night.

Cute song
I already have way to many stories on my read-later list, but being the pizza fan I am, will add this one as well.

Also: I noticed a few places were you started a sentence with "But". You could probably just combine those with the sentence before them.
Good Luck of the rest of the Chapters:derpyderp1:

2018970
Glad you liked the song. It was a quirky little thing I came up with for our lovable, wall-eyed pony. Definitely found it difficult to come up something, so I just toyed with some simple lyrics that Derpy might sing.

Thanks for the heads up about the use "but" in the sentences. I know that words like but and however can be used a sentence starters, yet they are mainly used as sentence connectors. I'll be sure to keep that in mind in the future when I write the sixth chapter. :yay:

Rather impressive chapter, I don't think the Goddess of the Sun would throw Derpy into the sun for an accident though:rainbowlaugh: Though that's not to say she can't be serious, she is the Ruler of Equestria as well:yay: Ahh....great chapter, I love Derpy:derpytongue2:

Only major flaw I'm seeing is that you should always start a new paragraph for every new speaker. There where a few points were it was hard to tell that someone else had said something.

example w/ the CMC:

“Ah told ya this was a stupid idea.” One voice quickly bellowed, another quick to follow it. “Hey, how was I supposed to know this wouldn’t work out Applebloom? You and Scootaloo should have come up with a better idea to earn our cutie marks.”

Possible fix:

“Ah told ya this was a stupid idea.” One voice quickly bellowed, another quick to follow it.
“Hey, how was I supposed to know this wouldn’t work out Applebloom? You and Scootaloo should have come up with a better idea to earn our cutie marks.”

I think I remember seeing the mistake in some of the earlier chapters as well.
Just something to keep in mind for future stories/updates.

2201937

Thanks for the heads up about that. I would have to find where I read it, but i've actually seen tutorials that tell varying accounts of how to deal with speakers. Some guides say it is appropriate to have two speakers on the same line in certain situation.

A few errors, but not bad at all, you done very well, great job Derpy, and Gods, the CMC are legendary for messing anything up huh? They can't keep out of trouble, it's like their drug:facehoof:

2204693
Sorry about the errors on this one. If you can give me a heads up about what you encountered I will try to fix them. Had this story kind of "simmering" in my mind for some time, but I never typed it up. :derpytongue2:

Quite a lot of "u" instead of you... I barely consider such a thing appropriate when the medium limits the number of characters allowed, let alone full stories...

Such an honest and sweet ending for Derpy, it was realistic and true to it's word, sometimes shit happens for a reason, amazing, amazing job:twilightsmile:

If this ends with Celestia telling Derpy she forgot her drink, I'm going to murder her :trollestia:

What have you done, Mr. Calzone? You've unleashed... THE DERP!

3458984
You mean...her Diet Doctor Colt?

3458949
Thanks. Though this part was finished about three months ago, I wasn't satisfied with the wording and went through about 20 different re-writes. I didn't know if I should leave it open ended for a dual part continuation or close it. Also, I wasn't sure how to write Derpy to where she's brought down and it's not unnecessarily cruel to her. I like Derpy and hate to be mean to her, but I do understand, as a writer, that I need to add in conflict to prevent the protagonist from progression to make it interesting.

Glad everyone liked it. :twilightsmile:

3458984 lol spongebob

this was such a sweet fic!:heart:

Fic wasn't too bad, though the ending felt a little out of left field to me (but that's personal taste).

My biggest gripe, and what stopped me from enjoying this fic, was the dialog. Not that the dialog was bad, but that it was incorrectly spaced. It was hard to follow who was speaking as most writers tend to break new speakers into new paragraphs. While I don't agree with everything Ezn has in his/her writers faq, we certainly agree on that point.

That is honestly what has stopped me from giving this fic a thumbs up, due to the difficulty in reading the dialogue.


That, and the several instances of u/ur instead of you/your.

3509821

Thanks for the input about the dialogue. When I get a bit of downtime, I may go over the stories and tighten things up a bit, making their fluidity a bit more smoother. As for the u/ur instances, that was a total mistake on my part. I was unsure of how to input that southern accent for Applebloom and Applejack. After reading some other stories here on Fimfiction, I have an idea of where I went wrong.

I wanted the ending to be a bit of a tender moment. It's during Derpy's interaction, plus the small interaction with the CMCs during the last chapter, that I wanted to give some foreshadowing. With my skills in writing still being amateurish, there may have been something lost that should have been put in to add some additional bits of "hey, this will happen."

I loved this story...up to the ending. Fixing the bag etc was a nice touch, and the new job offer was acceptable - Derpy showed hard working:ajbemused: and loyalty :rainbowdetermined2:, the sort of thing a courier needs. But Dinky's bit just felt so wrong that it spoilt it - it came out of nowhere, doesn't fit in with canon (where were the tests?) and so didn't really touch my heart as it was too sudden.

If you didn't have that, it would have been much better.

3595904
In regards to the part with Dinky, I wanted to add in a bit of motherly care and leaving the door open for future stories. I am sad to say that something took hold in real life, I hate using that as an excuse, and it really hurt my ability to visualize how to make this story end properly. I wanted to have something happen that could make Derpy happy as a character in her own right, as well as happy for her child in regards as a parent/mother. I'm actually preparing to address that issue in a side story. As to when the story will be finished, my writer's block has kicked in and I can't seem to get things visualized as I would like.

Thanks for the input, I appreciate it. :twilightsmile:

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