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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Nice job. Keep it up my friend.
I have a feeling blueblood will slip up about something he shouldn't know about and be discovered.
But thats just what i'm thinking
Look forward to more
GAHH!! Blue Blood is just so freaking petty! Why, for the love of Celestia, why would you try to off the literal wildcard in your military's deck, when you actually need him? I mean, your country has just declared war on a race of beings that takes, at the least, five of your normal guard to kill one of, and this bastard has the gall to take away a fighter that's shown he can help them immensely? In just a short amount of time he has improved himself greatly, and he is only getting stronger. Who fucking cares if he "disrespected you"! He's trying to save your cowardly ass and the asses of the "nobles" you represent.
_Please excuse my foul language_
why do i get the feeling that blueblood has a involvement with what the griffons did at the gala
6153547 why bother with a nightmare spell when you have a dream walking spell? You can give him nightmares and have fun
I notice you're using "ye" a lot here but that is actually a very impersonal where as Adrian and Luna are obviously very personal. Also note, "ye" in King James English usually is spoken in regards to a crowd.
King James English has a lot of rules to it, mostly the rules apply to situations. To be personal with someone, you use "thee," "thy," "thine" and "thou." The old English grammar is a lost/dead art. Each of these little words will come into play depending on what you plan to use.
Depending on the situation or where in the sentence it appears, thy and thine are very interchangeable.
These are the simple variations, and they get more complex as you go along. I do notice, before Luna tried correcting her speech patterns to a more modern variant, she tended to stay close to "thou" and "thine" with occasional "thee" thrown in for good measure. I really don't know if this helps... But I hope it gives you a spring board to jump tackle this.
I do look forward to the next chapter and forgive the rambling... It helps me think sometimes.
6155063 Hmmm. I see. Yeah I'll go through the other chapters and use this to try and correct it. Thanks.
I find it disturbing that the supposed princess of the night isn't very well verse in stealth and anti stealth....getting ear-dropped like this is silly....and in the war room where they discuss important matter doesn't have any sort of anti infutration ward.
And why can't they counter Blueblood assassin with their own assassin? what? afraid to play shadow game? it is not honorable? how the fuck do they keep the country running?
6160116 I plan to have him and Luna explore the old Sisters Castle in the Everfree in a couple of chapters time.
Sounds like Roz Al Goul...
6160479
That's Ra's Al Ghul, pronounced "raysh ahl gool".
Dark Wing....
6159789
Disturbing indeed.
While training the protagonist in perception, none of those high ranking officers ( even the one specialized in stealth) seemed to be perceptive enough to notice when they're getting eavesdropped. Leaving alone how much sense it really makes for Blueblood to get rid of one of the more potent forces to get rid of the Gryphons. Unless he's a traitor...
6515019 Just shows that he is pretty skilled I guess ?
Normally this would be my response,
but because of your other stories I will soldier on in hopes of improvement.
I've now lost the respect I had for your characterization of Blueblood. He's not cunning, he's just a lucky idiot that has resources. Seriously, Adrian is one of the more powerful forces at the hands of Equestria at that point, and he would have him killed? That would remove not just one strong force, but also Luna, for she'll either be grieving or come after Blueblood and cut his head off before grieving. Seriously, did you decide to give him a pea-sized brain?
7827345 Well wouldn't that be bigger than the brain he has in the show?
Based on the development notes about Blueblood, I am currently not seeing how him and Rarity have an adopted daughter together.
10486228
That's around chap 30 or so. The notes are just for me to remember where everything is and who has what at the most current chapter of the story.
It's weird to me that Silent Shadow is able to watch the meeting, I'm not saying that some of them wouldn't notice but it's odd that Celestia and Luna don't or Dark Wing actually.
Being Captain of a stealth force has to have something going for it right?