If I write any stories, they're probably about magic.
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A young Twilight Sparkle cannot sleep, and decides to wander around Canterlot Castle. During her walk, she stumbles upon Princess Celestia, reminiscing about her sister, long lost to the moon.
** Not tear-jerkingly sad, just heartfelt from Celestia's point of view.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Congratulations on your first fic! Overall it's looking good! The characterization of both Celestia and filly Twilight are good, ant that's the really important bit
However there are some awkward phrases and sentences with the wrong verb tenses.
Examples:
The second part is somewhat redundant, try something like:
try
And there is (at least) one typo here:
"loved"should be "lived".
PS: What Celestia told Twilight is probably too much information, but (in my opinion) authors shouldn't let the show's cannon come between themselves and the stories they want to tell as long as they respect the character's personalities (or they can give proper justification for the changes)
PPS: I'm not a native English speaker. While I am rather confident in my ability to find problems, I'm not so confident in my ability of fixing said problems
5824387 Wow.. thank you so much for the feedback! I really appreciate it! I used to write, but it seems my skills have been lacking lately. I'll apply the changes you've suggested right away :)
This was really sweet and lovely...
Hope you do more things like these in the future,sweetheart.
Eww! Gross! My eyes are sweating!
I'd like to read this fic, but even as short as it is, you seriously need to break up the paragraphs. That wall of text is so big I can't bear to suffer through it.
5838701 Okay, I fixed it so it wasn't as chunky. Sorry about that, please enjoy. I hope you can bear through it now
It's taken a while for me to actually read this, but splitting it up made it much more comprehensible. As for the story itself, I found it decent, but a bit too short and playing host to enough other technical errors to be somewhat off-putting. Still, a decent freshman effort overall.