Originally posted on Deviant Art: http://fav.me/d7cpoq5
Twilight Sparkle, a loyal soldier and messenger working under President Celestia - views the horrors of a civil war first-hoof. Along with accounts from her friends, the ponies of the former united Equestria have fallen into a brother-war that will devastate history as we know it. The viciousness that is one's fellow ponies is portrayed through the tormented battleground of the once beloved lands - cherished and tread upon by pegasus, earth pony and unicorn alike. But, underneath this supposed utopia was a festering ethnic tension that exploded at the end of the latest century. Twilight struggles to relate to her own innocence and the world of the past, when encountering the nightmarish reality that is now her home. Soon she learns that even the ugly villages, burn just as ugly. While the pretty ones - burn beautifully.
This story was great. Good premise, good style, good action, and spot on military jargon. My only complaint was the fact that the grammar was not spot on.
5862757
Yeah, you are going to have to forgive me for that, my friend
English is not my first language, in fact - it is more or less my third/fourth
And it has gotten worse as of late due to lack of practice over the last two years since I stopped writing for a bit
But other than that, I am glad you liked what the story had to offer and I definitely wouldn't mind advice on the grammar in the future, since I kind of need to be retaught it anyways - haha
This pony sees peace,
The green is on the ground and in the trees.
This pony sees a kind regent,
There is no war in this region.
This pony sees freedom,
There is no lying in this Kingdom.
This pony sees distrust,
There is spite and disharmony under the rust.
This pony sees hate,
There is nationalists and extremists at the gate.
This pony sees supremacy,
There is fallout as far as the eye can see.
This pony sees fighting,
But all she feels is the biting.
This pony sees smoke,
The blood, fire and bombs make her want to choke.
This pony sees anger, evil and gore,
But she's beginning to go numb from the brutality of war.
I MADE A POEM FOR YO' STORY!
6416592
This is incredible!
Thank you so much ;-;
Best comment I have ever gotten
6424356 I was tired as shit when I wrote that.
6425191
It is usually in the carelessness of our fatigue - we find superb expression
6429803 Motivational. I like it.
I feel for you I really do
i find this story related to Yugoslavian civil war.
7373100
Exactly the intention
they had Zaztvas? i was expecting AKs
no tanks if i remember correctly
should have had: MT-LB,BRDM-2,BVP M-80 or the OT M-60 (naming APCs and IFVs)
im a soviet war geek
7378416 watched the movie no mans land. Sad movie I know some people who had there parents fight in that war.
6416592 wow never seen anyone write APoem on fimfiction.net