I hope that when the world comes to an end, I can breathe a sigh of relief, because there will be so much to look forward to.
Reveille, an alicorn with a mysterious past, appears in Twilight's castle. But not all is as it seems. As they relive his story together, they both learn what destiny truly means. And maybe, they'll learn something about each other along the way.
Reveille (pronounced Rev-el-ee) is my character. Please don't use him without my permission!!!
Cover art by my wonderful sister.
Pre-read by RaylanKrios.
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ew black and red alicorn oc
lol is funy
Goddamnit, I like this.
Works only as a 'joke' ending. The new ending is definitely better.
5763402 Long time getting back to you, but thank you!
I actually am really happy with how the "revelation" was handled, but I think the premise kind of scared folks away. Thank you for reading, at least the last parts!
This is metafiction deconstructing self-insert Mary-Sue AlicornOCs.
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It is. I am certain that there are no shortages of those, but I hoped that this one would have stood out on its comedic merit. I basically used this story to get a bunch of puns and satirical humor out of my system.
Despite being my least liked story, I am very proud of it.
¡A 7th Element of Harmony! If one wants to write a crackfic, ¡go big or go home!
Interesting start. Like the touch with the 'tempting fate'.
As well as the backstory, I'd count the 'Sue backstory cliches', but given the parody aspect, you probably did that already :D .
Also, was the name Reveille a play on juvenile? If so, that was a very clever pun.
""...stars, sun, and moon for finally answering her pleas," Reveille finished with another deep sigh. Twilight stared at him, mouth and eyes agape. After a period silence, she snapped back out of her trance, looking back at the blank face of the stallion before her.
"That was the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard," she said simply. "A pony named Despair that literally lives in despair? You coming from space? How can you expect me to believe that? Are you an alien? H-how did you breathe?"
"I am not an alien," he insisted. "Not in that sense. I'm an alicorn, just like you. I did not think you would believe me... nopony ever does, no one understands.""
That paragraph is so perfect. Definitely encapsulates how most audiences react to reading a Mary Sue's origin story and made me laugh.
""I wish it were Princess Luna that had mothered me," the stallion muttered with an air of tragedy. "It was Nightmare Moon."
Again, Twilight didn't know whether or not to laugh. The whole scenario was utterly ludicrous. Yet, Reveille seemed so serious, so dark, and so brooding about the whole thing... what if it was true? There had to be a way to explain it, but the logistics didn't pan out.
"I know this probably sounds familiar to you," she started, "but that simply doesn't make any sense. First off, she was on the moon for one thousand years. The only reason Nightmare Moon survived at all is because the nightmare power kept her alive, and she was able to survive without any other sustenance. She wouldn't have even been able to support a foal's nutritional needs while pregnant. Furthermore, she couldn't leave, and I sincerely doubt that somepony decided to travel to the moon to... you know, get her pregnant," she cringed at the thought.
"I don't know how it happened, and I wish it hadn't!" Reveille screamed out of nowhere, Twilight flinched at the outburst, and Spike groaned in frustration from the library."
Ironically, my first OC villain who I never actually used was a red and black Alicorn named Ruin who was in a sense born from Nightmare Moon (he was born from Celestia's guilt and Nightmare Moon's rage). I never used him because well, reason you likely chose this design.
"Princess Twilight silently wondered how a pony, a creature that typically dined on plants and vegetation, could starve in a forest. She also wondered what forest was large enough to ensnare somepony for year."
Few people ever actually question that, nice doing so!
Lots of pretty funny jabs at Mary Sues in general, but I especially like that Reveille claims 'only I can laugh at me' privileges and can't stand being interrupted period.
Also, I rather like the touches of describing Rarity's addition to the castle, nice touch.
"At first glance, it appeared to be abandoned. There were no signs of life, and nothing in the air but the smell of dust and decay. I entered the main chamber, examining the massive statue cast in bronze at the center of the room that had undoubtedly served as the centerpiece to many of their rites and ceremonies. The statue depicted a unicorn standing stock, a shield one hoof and a sword in the other. While the entire statue appeared to be fixed and immovable, there was one thing that was not.""
You know, I half expected Twilight to question why a UNICORN would be holding the sword in hoof when they have telekinesis. Then again, imagining the looks on her face during this story is half the fun!
"The alicorn peered down into the abyss, eager to explore what secrets it held, and began to search for a method to descend safely. He scanned around the room until he discovered a coil of rope hanging from a pillar. Reveille galloped towards the rope and using a wooden signpost that read Inner Sanctum Access Lever and Utility Rope for support, yanked the rope away, making sure it didn't catch on a precariously placed lever. Delighted at his cleverness, he tied a loop around himself, and then around a pillar close to the hole in the floor. The colt walked backwards towards the opening, and began to rappel down the wall towards the Secret Guardian's inner sanctum.
After about fifteen seconds, Reveille reached the bottom of the pit. Careful to avoid hitting his head on the destroyed statue, he opened yet another set of double doors. Reveille covered his eyes, blinded by a white light. His eyes very quickly adjusted, and he found himself on a ledge overlooking a gigantic cave that went on as far as the eye could see. There were trees and rivers winding below him, and the sunlight filtering through a thick sheet of ice with several icicles having formed upon it. The alicorn looked around the gargantuan hollow, searching yet again for a sign of life. Barely noticeable under a canopy of trees directly below him, was the roof of a building."
""I began my descent with a nine-hundred degree clockwise spiral and then, curling up to make myself as small as possible and decrease the time it takes to make a full rotation of course," Reveille added with a dismissive wave of a hoof, "began executing a series of no less than fourteen front flips, three torso axial aerial somersaults, and then fourteen back flips to keep things even. The announcement of my intent before I jumped seem to have triggered a series of huge icicles falling from the frozen ceiling, so I had to concentrate on both my distance to the ground as well the obstacles chasing me from above. I twisted as they fell, and with the ground coming ever closer, I looked up to see one fast approaching just slightly offset above me. I curled my legs together, and just as it was passing, I used my hind legs to springboard myself off of the icicle towards vines hanging down from a separate ledge above. I gripped it with two hooves, revolving counter-clockwise two and a half rotations before screeching to a halt two feet above the floor."
"...You jumped down," Twilight summarized, her chin cradled by her hooves.
Reveille took a sizable gulp of fresh air, slowly releasing it through his nostrils. "Quite."
As someone who loves writing action scenes, I love how you wrote this. you can really tell how hard Reveile is trying to make himself be taken seriously here. I wouldn't be surprised if he found a way to justify the icicles exploding :D .
""So, because you were impatient and just happened to make a hole in the wall at the exact place their leader was unfortunate enough to be, it was decided that you were to be the leader of a mysterious group of warriors as an 11 year old colt?" Twilight asked incredulously.
"Unfortunate?" an affronted Reveille replied. "Luck had nothing to do with it. I knew exactly where he was.""
HAHA! I love this part, and Twilight's reaction to it. Particularly the way he tries to justify it (classic Mary Sue).
""Most eleven year old ponies are also not the son of a deity, absorbing her knowledge and magic every night that the moon doth glow. So yeah," he answered shortly. "Do you think I liked being superior in every way to everypony I met? It started to get old after a while."
"I can imagine..." Twilight grumbled, yet another one of her logically sound arguments being swatted out of the air.
"Right, I'm sure," Reveille nodded with a strained look on his face. "Now, may I continue?"
"Actually, I think a break woul-""
Hehe. I know a few Mary Sues who have said something quite similar, and the delivery is great here.
""I have to say." Twilight shifted uncomfortably. "That was kind of a mean thing to say to her. She seemed like she was just trying to help."
"Well, her telling a young colt that they aren't good at anything was mean. Completely uncalled for. One shouldn't dole out criticism if they aren't prepared to take it," he insisted adamantly."
Naturally he refuses too admit that he was the one complaining about how he wasn't good at things :D . And of course the Secret Guardians turn out to be a bunch of yes men, was that meant to reflect how characters in a Mary sue narrative are normally warped to follow everything the Sue says?
"Princess Twilight had to admit it would have taken her a little bit to figure out that sort of solution. "I'm impressed. Good job on their part." At the compliment, and she might have been mistaken, it looked as though Reveille's eye twitched.
"Having said that, I had hoped they would have figured it out sooner when I set the test up," he told her flatly. "I was trying to teach a lesson about the importance of utilizing alternate routes rather than the obvious one to avoid detection. The road less taken, if you will.""
Careful Twilight, Sues don't like not being the center of attention. Nice touch with his eye twitching.
""I went up there with the ladder, and there was a blob of gum sticking above the hinge! How do you suppose that got there?"
The princess scratched her chin with her hoof in puzzlement. "How strange, I have no idea.""
I wonder indeed :D
""I don't mean to interrupt, but what exactly is this 'secret' that these ponies are guarding? It seems really rather... generic," Twilight queried as swiftly as she could manage. The naturally inquisitive alicorn had followed along with most of the tale, but she found this point to be frustratingly vague.
"Do I need to give that speech about interrupting a life story again?" Reveille hissed.
"...""
As vague secrets often are. Nice touch with how interchangable those can be at times.
"Starstruck and overjoyed at the attention he was receiving at just the mention of his name, Reveille scarcely noticed that Seasons had stepped behind him until he felt a tapping on his shoulder, signalling the final step. The golden necklace grazed the tops of Reveille's ears at the guidance of Seasons, finally resting in place upon the back of his neck. The alicorn looked down at the Element, the two gems glowing with an intense magical light. He could feel boundless energy coursing through him, and an increased concentration of that energy tingling upon his flanks. Reveille's eyes moved from the Element around his neck to his flank, and bore witness to the representation of his special talent, his coming of age, and of his destiny - his cutie mark."
Well that was quite the Cutie Mark Story. And appropriately overblown for the type of story this is, and what role in it Reveille is playing in it.
Great chapter! Really fun!
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Thanks! I'm glad that you noticed some of the ridiculousness both in and out of his tale!
I think the bests part were the subtle nods to Reveill's inveterate stupidity.
(E.g. that moment with the rope and the "entry lever" sign...!)
(I kind of had to read this today, else how could I read when Raylen met Reveille...!)
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I hope you enjoyed it, despite feeling obligated!
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Not an obligation -that makes it sound like it was some sort of tedious chore that had to be done! But y'know, if you're going to read the awesome conflagration of two terrible characters meeting, one sort of needs to be able to fully appreciate the full depth of said characters to make the most out of it!
(And also, not having been aware of the story existance prior to said fic mentioning this as the prequel...)
Ridiculous. I like that.
I shall continue reading after I sleep some.