My name is Booker Longlegs. I'm the first reader pony (that I know of). I know many things.
Ponyville is set to whispering when a mysterious pony comes to town. His talent, reading. They wonder at it, at the fact that he can't seem to do something worthwhile. The pony, for his part, wonders if Ponyville will be the same as everywhere else he's been to. It seems so, as everypony seems to look down on him. But there's more in Ponyville than just being looked down on, and it may give the first reader pony the chance he's always wanted.
Cover art by SonicMlpGamerandArtist.
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I highly recommend an editor. I find the grammar so distracting that I can't even read your story.
I'm gonna have to disagree with Blue and Ken; your grammar is pretty much spot-on, save for some punctuation issues (this might help). The thing about punctuation is that... Well, carefully placed punctuation reads amazingly, but badly placed punctuation feels horrid. You should still get at least a proofreader.
Also, find someone to draw decent cover art. Your current art looks like it was drawn by me, and that's really saying something.
Unrelated tip which you may not need: Write down an outline of what you want to happen in this story, just a couple of sentences per section, giving a brief overview. Then find a friend who'll listen to your ideas and make sure they're not overblown or unbelievable or unlikeable so you know ahead of time. It'll help your story feel more coherent and stay on track, as well as letting you do cool things with foreshadowing and the like.
Other than that, welcome to FimFic!
It's not the worst thing I've read.
5578132
Actually, the only reason I came to this story is because of the cover art. I just had to have a better look at the bad quality. Now that made me read the story. Sometimes, bad is good.
5579704 Sometimes. Not often, though. It's generally safer to go with good.
5578132 Thanks for the advice! I'll bear it in mind. As for the cover art, I thought a story couldn't be posted without one, so I used what I had on hand (I didn't want to steal someone's work).
Aha...ahaha...
Sorry, I couldn't help but laugh at that title art.
It's uhm, well, you sure you didn't get your artwork from Oliver Age 24?
Uhm, c-can someone help translate this? I seriously don't know what the f
ck I just read. Can...can we find an editor or a translator around here?
5 Minutes Later
Okay, I think I got the basic synopsis:
Somebody PLEASE correct me if I'm actually wrong, Cause I most likely am.
uche, mature, etc.)
Well, lets begin with the generic check!
__ Overpowered Alicorn
✓ Extreme Attention
✓ Bad/Generic Artwork
✓OC
__ Black and Red
__ Other (D
Well, you filled in half. I'd say this could be better than I expect.
Don't tell me I'm reading a porno in disguise. Where is the mature tag?
Was I the only one who thought that this was, erhm, a square cake slice? I mean, maybe I'm just hungry, but c'mon I can't be the only one who sees a cake in that cutie mark.
I noticed something when reading throughout this story. You use grave accents from the tilde key button. That is a HUGE mistake man, like, really, really big. Probably should stick with grave markers man, or these ------> '
B-Booker L-Longlegs and Pink R-Rain...
mlpchan.net/anon/src/mtr_1377994706775.png
Bonus points to you, man, that's pretty unique. I mean, more than usual when it comes to OC stories.
Although...I have ooooonnnee question.
...
Okay, maybe multiple.
Would a rainbow form when she's done? Wait, scratch that. Wouldn't getting a rain cloud be difficult? It has been demonstrated in the show that the ponies control the weather, but they just make the cloud poof away when they kick it. However, when Rainbow Dash was sad on one, it turned into a thundering rain cloud. So wouldn't it be dangerous? Also, when you do get a cloud and make the picture, does that mean its immediately wiped away if nothing covers it because the rain swishes the dye into oblivion?
Look, point is, exploit this more. It's interesting and I like it.
One last puzzling question that I just can't seem to figure out.
According to your artwork, Booker is a unicorn.
According to the show, pegasi associate with the weather.
I mean, you can argue that Rarity was able to control the clouds, but that was because she didn't know what else to do.
How do you get the idea that you should change the sky when your a completely different race?
That little tinge of seriousness that Pinkie shows out, I don't know what to say. I feel like it SHOULD happen but SHOULDN'T happen. Mixed feelings, bravo.
Oh boy, lets see what we got here.
✓Defeated major enemy(s)
✓Celestia's Pupil
✓Lives in a library
__Princess (Optional)
✓Most popular in town
✓Pet/Assistant dragon
Nope, can't think of anypony.
Okay, NOW I know for certain Pinkie wouldn't say that. It would probably end up as:
"No! You know about the surprise and it isn't a surprise anymore so now we won't get to eat cake and drink punch and celebrate you coming here and it won't be special for you and your sister that are going to live here knowing you never had the greatest most amazing party ever!"
Then she would probably end up in a sob for a few seconds.
I was right about to point that out, and then again its Pinkie Pie we're talking about here.
I love how when Twilight comes to town, only the other protagonists notice her.
This guy is just an attention magnet.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
6.5/10
This story could become interesting real quick if you can change all the grammar, punctuation, artwork and characters up a bit. All I'm seeing right now is a mysterious Cheese Sandwich wandering into town, and that is sooooooo totally original in everybody's book.
But this story actually has some hope in it, I mean, if you remove the tilde key markers, I think this can go somewhere not generic.
Trust me.
That's a good thing.
5581016 Yeah, my names and artwork are awful. Neither are my strong suit, and since I don't want to steal other people's work, I just try to do the best I can on my own.
I think instead of "dreamy", I should have said "dreamlike". I was trying to emulate that look someone gets when you interrupt their reading. They look like they're still in the book for a bit before they focus on you. I figured a pony whose special talent is reading would look like that all the time.
Everyone's attention being fixated on him was more for his talent than anything. With Twilight, there's implications that there have been other ponies whose special talent is magic (Trixie). The point of this story is that there have never been ponies whose talent is simply reading (that I know of), and this is telling the story of a pony like that. To summarize, they aren't fixated on him because he's the main character, but because he's the first to have that special talent, and the cutie mark reflecting it. Also, comparing Booker to Twilight. The difference is that Twilight loves to read, but reading is Booker's calling in life.
I almost punched myself when I read your Pinkie section. That's much more in-character than what I wrote.
Honestly, I'm glad you commented. These are all legitimate criticisms, and I feel like this will help me greatly as a writer. My problems tend to be either explaining to much or too little. I wasn't clear enough in establishing why everyone was staring at Booker, and I apologize for causing confusion.
5581525
I kinda just wrote out what I felt that morning when I checked my inbox.
Glad my bedhead actually helped.
5581525 Is this little sketch I did better for you?
fc06.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2015/035/5/5/booker_by_sonicmlpartist-d8gp6ty.png
I did it all on MS Paint with a mouse in about 15 minutes. I changed the mane and tail a bit and the cutie mark too, if you don't mind.
5588394 Thank you! That is so much better than my artwork it isn't even funny. Thank you so much!
5602614 You are welcome! Would you like a fully colored version?
5602628 Thank you, but no. I don't know why, but I really like the lack of color.
5603994 Well would youlike just lineart or do you also like the sketchiness of it?
5876114 My sarcasm sensors tell me that was a compliment, so thank you.
5877169 I shall consider your advice.
...
Considered. And I'm keeping the story up. If the only complaint you have is that it's self-insert, then all that tells me is that you don't like self-inserts. And that's fine. You are allowed to like or dislike whatever, but that's not justification enough for me to remove the story.
5880784 I know. If I was trying to get somewhere, I'd be writing a novel, not fanfiction. This is all just for the fun of writing. If you really didn't like the story, you probably want to stop being reminded of it, so I'll stop responding. I'll close by saying it was nice to have a civil conversation. Thank you, and goodbye.