//------------------------------//
// Feelings 
// Story: The first reader pony 
// by Booker Longlegs 
//------------------------------//

	Especially for a reader pony.
The words kept replaying themselves over and over again in Bookers head. He wished his thoughts would shut up for once, but as always they kept going on.
Especially for a reader pony.
Booker levitated over a book at random. He opened it and saw that it was a compendium of magical beings throughout legends. Perfect; challenging enough to distract him, yet interesting enough to keep his thoughts from wandering. He opened to a random page, and started reading.
Basilisks-The name deriving from Latin for “little crown”, named so for the distinctive markings on their heads, these mythical snakes are said to be so venomous that if a pony were to touch one with a ten foot pole, the poison would travel up the pole and kill pony instantly.
Especially for a reader pony
The venom of a basilisk dissolves whatever it touches, be it wood, metal, or flesh. These creatures are also said to have the power to cause death to anypony who looks directly into their eyes. In addition to all this, basilisks are also incredibly small and agile.
Especially for a reader pony.
They are created by hatching a chicken egg beneath a toad. Their weaknesses include weasels, their natural enemies, and the cry of a rooster, which is fatal to them. Still, given their various strengths, this author is glad that they don’t exist outside the realm of legend.
Especially for a reader pony.
Frustrated, Booker slammed the book closed. “This clearly is not working.” he muttered to himself, placing the book back where it belonged. He laid one foreleg across his eyes. Why is this hitting me so hard? I’ve heard worse, far worse. Why is it that now it gets to me this much? He searched for an answer, with one possibility standing out in his mind. Because it didn’t mean as much then. If Joe Shmoe from down the street called me something, it might sting, but Rainbow Dash was different. I’d been working with her all day, and she still decided to say that I was useless.
To be fair, she didn’t say it like that.
No, but she might as well have. Even to himself, it sounded stupid. The way she said it had clearly shown that it wasn’t meant to be taken seriously. Still, just because something was meant as a joke doesn’t lessen the impact. He decided not to hold it against her, though. After all, it was his fault for being so good at hiding how he felt about being useless.
There was a knocking at the door. Booker found it strange; he wasn’t expecting visitors. He stood up and walked to the door. Upon opening it, he saw Rainbow Dash there. He vaguely wondered why she was here. “Hey, Rainbow,” Booker said, “What did you want me for?”
Rainbow fidgeted, and reached behind her. “Well, my copy of the new Daring Do came a few weeks ago. I forgot to return yours to you.”  She pulled his book out from her saddlebags, offering it to him.
Booker took it, and began going through the pages. “You didn’t damage it, did you?”
“Of course not,” Rainbow said, “I promised I’d treat it well.” Booker made a noncommittal noise in his throat, still going through the pages.  Rainbow cleared her throat. “Unfortunately, I can’t say the same for you. I’m sorry for what I said, and-“
“It’s alright, Rainbow,” Booker said, still staring at the pages, “I know you didn’t mean anything by it. I’m fine now.”
Rainbow gave him a searching look. “I don’t think so.” Booker looked up and raised an eyebrow. “You’re acting very…distant,” Rainbow elaborated, “You’re normally a lot more cheerful than this. Now you’re just acting…cold. Not that I can’t understand why,” she added hurriedly, “but I feel awful. I knew that I’d hurt you, but I didn’t realize how much. Your entire attitude has changed, and I feel like I’ve taken something from you.”
“And what might that be?” Booker asked.
“Your good naturedness,” Rainbow said, “You’re always ready with a smile and a joke, but now you’ve turned into this.”
Booker stayed silent, processing this. He felt kind of touched that Rainbow cared enough about him that she actually came to apologize, and that she’d noticed a change in him. As the silence stretched on, Rainbow said, “Well, if there’s anything I can do to help, ya know, if you need somepony to talk to, just let me know.”
Booker hesitated. He’d never really had ponies offer to let him talk before, and he wasn’t exactly comfortable with the idea. Even so, he remembered how good it had felt to let out a bit of what he was feeling. He opened the door a bit wider. “Well, just remember that it was your idea.”



Booker sat in his chair, wondering where to start. To stall for time, he put the book Rainbow returned back in its proper place. Then he tried to get his thoughts in order, failed, and then muttered, “Well, when in doubt, begin at the beginning,” Addressing Rainbow, he began. “This all started the day I got my cutie-mark,” Booker gave a soft laugh, “My mom always used to joke about how if anypony could get a cutie mark in reading, it’d be me. I’ve been enthralled by books, ever since the age of two. For most of my childhood, reading was all I’d do. It wasn’t until I got to be around that age that I shut the books and looked around. I saw other ponies, laughing, crying, and just in general being friends. I wanted part of it.
I started my attempts at making friends, but I was too different. Nopony had lived the way I had, with their noses shoved into a book, so nopony could relate to me, and vice versa. I tried so hard to fit in, but it just wasn’t working. After a while, I stopped. It was clear that I could never be friends with other ponies.” Booker cleared his throat, levitating a glass of water from the kitchen. Rainbow was watching him, waiting for him to continue. “Once I came to that realization, that I’d never have a normal life, my cutie mark appeared. I knew then and there that the only thing I needed was the comfort of a good book. I stopped trying to fit in, and started doing my own thing. Strangely enough, that was also when I made a few friends. They’re miles away now, and have probably forgotten me, but still, I’m grateful. Without them, I probably would have lost myself entirely to the world of books.” 
Booker took another sip of water, and when he resumed his tone was a bit darker. “Unfortunately, friends aren’t the only ones who took interest in me. That was when the bullies came in. They started off small, with simple insults that I easily shrugged off. As I got older, though, they got worse. They called me useless, a waste of space, and about a million other variants of that. Insults are easy to ignore, especially when things like nerd are taken as a compliment. This was different, though, because it was true, I didn’t have the talent for anything useful. I can’t garden, or cook, or manage a business. All I was good for was reading.” Booker sighed, “That was pretty much my mindset back then. Once I got out of school, I moved away from all that, and I realized there were some things I could do besides reading. Then I hit another problem, everypony around me. Even if they had the common decency to not make fun of me, they still saw me as useless. I was never given a chance to prove myself, and I eventually left everywhere I moved to. Like I said before, I hate how everypony looks at me like I’m nothing.”
Booker gave a wry smile. “Of course, I’m making it seem like everypony I came across was nice. No, I encountered my share of bullies, and let me say that they’re much worse as adults. As a result of all this, I have a rather thick skin for insults. As a matter of fact, I was wondering why your words affected me so strongly. I’m a bit stumped. After all, I’ve heard much worse.”
Rainbow pondered the question for a minute before asking, “Out of curiosity, what is the worst thing anypony’s ever said to you?”
Booker thought for a moment. “Hmm, the worst thing I’ve ever heard? Probably the pony who said that I’m nothing but a mistake that never should’ve happened, that I don’t deserve to exist, and that I should be ashamed of living the way I do.”
Rainbow’s eyes widened. “Wow.”
“Yeah. Honestly, after that, nothing should bother me anymore. Which is why I’m having trouble figuring out why this is what gets to me.” Booker said.
“I think I get it,” Rainbow said, “Now this may come as a surprise to you, but I’m a bit reckless.”
“Really?” Booker said dryly, “I hadn’t noticed.”
Rainbow smiled, his sarcasm was returning. “Anyway, I got made fun of a lot for it back in flight school, and it really bothered me at the time. Nowadays, I don’t care. I see it as a good thing rather than a bad thing. Even with that mindset, though, I don’t like being reminded of flight school. Too many bad memories.”
Booker took in this tidbit. “So, you think it’s just a reminder of worse times?”
“More than that,’ Rainbow said, “I don’t believe anything they said about me, and I still hate having to think about it. What would remembering be like if I actually did believe it?”
Booker sighed. “This the part where I angrily assure you that I don’t believe any of it, but you’re right. There is a part of me that believes I don’t belong, that I’ll never amount to anything. I hate it, and I’m constantly fighting it. The longer I fight, though, the stronger it gets. I suppose that’s the evidence from years of being treated like nothing starting to build up. I’m afraid that one day that part of me will win, and I’ll fully believe that I’m worthless.”
“But that’s the thing!” Rainbow said forcefully, “You aren’t worthless! Ever since you got here, all you’ve been is helpful!”
Booker smiled bitterly. “I’ll admit, things have really started looking up since I came to town. That only made it worse when I got sucker-punched onto memory lane.” Rainbow opened her mouth to reply, but Booker cut her off. “Yeah, yeah, you didn’t mean to. That doesn’t change the fact that it happened.”
Booker stood up and stretched. Rainbow looked a little hurt. “I’m sorry,” Booker said, “That was uncalled for. Still, I feel much better.”
“What,” Rainbow said sullenly, “making me feel awful made you feel better?”
Booker grinned. “Maybe that’s got something to do with it, but after getting all that off my chest, I feel like my old self again.”
Rainbow perked up. Suddenly, she pumped her fist. “Oh yeah!” she screamed, “He’s back! Whoo-hoo!”
Booker laughed. “Careful, now. All this enthusiasm so soon after such serious talk might kill us.” Suddenly, Booker felt the need to be alone. “Thank you, Rainbow Dash, for listening to me.”
Rainbow grinned as well. “Thank you for being so forgiving about what I did.” Even she could sense that Booker wanted to be left in peace. She made her good-byes, and left Booker to his own company.



Booker pulled down the mythology book he’d tried to read earlier. This is really well made. he thought idly as he leafed through the pages.  After two hours, he felt ready to face the world again, so he tucked the book into his saddlebags, donned his cloak, and headed for his quiet place. Everypony still gave him the Look, but it seemed the Look had lost the power to bother him. 
Booker reached his destination, settling in to do some real reading. He’d planned to spend the rest of the day there, but he stopped shortly afterward. There was something at the edge of his awareness bothering him, but it wasn’t until he looked at the sky that he could put his hoof on it. This was the time when Fluttershy practiced her music. He’d never known her to be late. He looked around again, and noticed something else strange. The bird choir had gathered, but there was no sign of Fluttershy. If the choir is here, then that means practice was still scheduled. If Fluttershy isn’t here, then that means something’s holding her up. Booker realized it was probably nothing, but he still felt a bit worried. He packed up his book and set out to find her. If only because I can’t read in peace at the moment. he thought with a grin.