My name is Booker Longlegs. I'm the first reader pony (that I know of). I know many things.
There's a new student in class. His name is Knife Point. As you can no doubt tell, he's a little messed up. More than a little, if we're being honest. Even so, one thing leads to another and soon Scootaloo finds herself friends with the mysterious foal. There's a lot she doesn't know, but one thing is certain. There will be stabbing. Lots and lots of stabbing.
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This is a rather interesting story you've presented here. I like how despite him the dark red-and-black character that usually sticks to the "evil Gary Stu" stereotype you made Knife Point a sort-of rounded character. While he could use a lot of work there is room for improvement. The best advice I can give you is to make sure you have the other characters act realistically around your character. Sadly I'm not the best one to turn to for OC pointers, but I can give you advice for colors you can use for upcoming characters.
From past experience in making OCs for others and myself, it's in your best interest to avoid clashing colors or the oh so overused red-and-black mane and coat. Try and use colors opposite to each other on the color wheel. Take time to sketch the character and plan the colors before writing. it's best to get a good feel of them before you go into the written word. If you ever need someone to flesh out a pony for you give me a call! I'd be happy to help.
All of this information was probably useless and I'm extremely sorry if it was. I look forward to seeing more from you!
- Mama
P.S. If you'd like to improve on certain areas in your writing I suggest taking a look at Ezn's Guide if you haven't already.
5962693 Thanks! When the idea for this story came to me, it wasn't about someone evil coming to school, it was about a kid. Sure, he's pretty screwed up in the head, but he's still a kid. If you've played Fire Emblem Awakening, the idea of the character is somewhere between Henry and Tharja. Not as sociopathicaly cheerful as Henry, but not as stalkerishly creepy as Tharja. In other words, a friendly pony who has creepy hobbies and mannerisms. As for the color thing, I really don't care about what my characters look like. Appearances have never mattered to me, and my character design process is usually an entire day getting the personalities done, followed by an entire minute deciding what they look like. And by that, I mean daydreaming about the character and certain parts of the story in class when I should be taking notes. It was really awkward when a friend asked why I was smiling and I had to reply with thinking about a schoolchild obsessed with knives.
5962961
Ah I see. I've sadly never played Fire Emblem Awakening but I can appreciate the kid's personality. And as for the color thing, it's perfectly fine that you don't care what your characters look like, I just thought I would suggest it considering this fandom seems to bash people for having red and black characters since they're overused. ( Or at least more in the art side where I come from )
As I said before I'm very interested in seeing Knife Point grow and this story continue.
Keep it up!