A Royal guard, banished alongside Nightmare Moon, returns with her. This is his life after being thrust a millennium into the future.
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Whaddya know, it did sound better in his head.
5556380 I know, I know >.< Was originally going to try to work in "I boinked your grandmother" but couldn't find a comfortable way to do it.
5556416
Although, considering the thousand years and all-- 'Ancestor' would fit better.
5556425 Very true. Might change it tbh - the last bit didn't come out like planned. It really sounded funnier in my head. x.x
5556430
So in other words, the chapter title fits both autor and character?
5556442 To a T, good sir.
I do hope this is just him wanting to keep the title short, because unless unicorns live for 300+ years, there's a lot more great's to be added in. At least ten, I'd think.
5556611 It was. Added it up with 80 years as the average lifespan. I'd have had to put like...12 greats in there.
This is a nice chapter, but there some things you may want to edit.
You may want to delete that.
That should be "unicorn's".
I think there should also be a a question mark before the exclamation point.
You may want to delete those repeated words.
And you're missing a quotation mark at the end of this.
5557179 Done and done.
Now, you're gonna make me blush. I told you I don't need any credit.
5558357 Doesn't mean you won't get it. ;)
Yeah, should have gone with Ancestor, ya great ninny.
Uhh, spoilers...
Oh no... *face hoofs*
Ah hope this story ain't gonna be held together by plot twists.
That's stinkin' thinkin.
But yea. Feels like yer checkin' a checklist. Sorta sucks that ya skimped over the time adjustment period.
Like always, yer dialog is spot on. The scene choosin' needs work though, in mah biased opinion.
5556630
Actually it's generation time that matters, not lifespan. It doesn't matter that you live 300 years if you have your kids in your late 20s/early 30s. The normal human assumption is 3-4 generations per century.
....im not sure wich to use the "WHAT A TWEEST" or the rainbow dash " DUN DUN DUUUN"...fuck it ill do both
Damn. I'd hoped this wouldn't go the "Use Hate Sink Blueblood to prop up Super Cool OC" route.
Barrier is... kind of an asshole, isn't he?
Should be
The main characters seems pendulum-like. Facing Nightmare Moon hes wisecracking but against this noble hes super angry and intimidating.
6055263 His mood shifts depending on the situation. In a fight against NMM he knows he can't realistically beat her solo, so he has a good time while drawing it out and trying his damned hardest to leave a lasting impact. With the noble -regardless of how irritating they can be- he can't actually hurt them or fight back and if he did it would be arguably little to no contest, so his approached differs from say...an actual fight or conflict. :3 Least that's my excuse for it now. Back when I wrote it I was more like. rashadface.com/upload/2013/04/03/20130403204041-83fe233c.gif
Oh I hate those 'badass', 'gang-ho', '2hard4medics' 'motherfucking' morons. Why every story, no matter if it's simple fanfic, TV series or even AAA theater movie, must have soldier/cop/agent moron, that won't let himself be cured before going back to his duties?
"Oh, you spent half of your life learning and healing people, and you're telling me I have to spend another week in hospital to be healthy enough to get out? Well fuck you! I know better, because I'm a HARRRD ASSSSS!"
Where is it come from? Is it because in USA you have to pay your own money for hospital treatment?
Oh I wish there was a story, where such moron run from hospital to chase some bandits, or fight some battle and in the first action, he feels dizzy, hits the ground, opens his wounds and bleeds half to death.
6312878
Not sure if your statement is satirical or not but on the chance it isn't,
Yeah no, he left the hospital and skipped treatment at the first opportunity. It's what they do I guess.
As for where it comes from, it's a standard action cliche; you can't have a movie grind to a halt while they spend 3 months in the hospital, people would lose interest and the movie wouldn't make it's money back.
As for paying for our hospital treatment in the US that has very little to do with it as a whole, though when you scrape by to make ends meet a trip to the ER for just about anything is a whole hell of a lot less appealing when it's either pay the hospital bill or have food for your family for a month.
---
I am not above criticism, but I ask that you keep it productive to some degree.
6312916 it was just a rant, because it is a cliche I really hate. As for what to do when he stays a month in a hospital. Have you ever heard about this thing called 'timeskip'?
*jaw drops* Well that's a twist!
ONE ROYAL WEDDING LATER.
Barrier: "CALLED IT!"
…
Well, it isn't a fortress.
You know, I feel that saying "you're not going to believe this" should help, but for some reason it almost always doesn't.
I love the way he just casually gripes his way through Canterlot, he's the very definition of an old salt.
I think you're missing a few more "greats" in there mate...