"Care to join us?"
You took a deep breath in from your nostrils as you tossed an apple in the air, looking down to the land covered in moon light below as you caught the apple on it's way back down. You take a bite out of it and start to chew the piece of apple as its juices wash over your taste buds.
Below you is the land of Equestria! Home to freaking magic casting Unicorns, flying Pegasi, and the best farmers around called Earth Ponies. But lets not forget the Alicorns with their wings and long pointy horn, which are also the Princesses of this Kingdom! You've been stuck in this crazy place for six years now and it seems like you're never getting out. At least your not alone though.
Yes, other humans have been spat out into this weird land by something called 'Veil portals', whatever the hell those are. Either way it was a one way trip and you're trapped in horse land now. What's worse is that you haven't been allowed to leave the castle for years.
It appears someone, or somepony, has been murdering humans across Equestria. You're the last human in Canterlot, the rest already buried in a grave after being killed saved for a few that escaped. Ever since you appeared in front of Sunbutt- uh, Princess Celestia of Equestria you've lived here in the Castle of Canterlot.
You could easily recall how mild her look was to you when you appeared in front of her while you tried to not lose your shit and go insane. Giant talking horse? Who wouldn't have thought they died or went insane? Either way after calming yourself down and getting introductions out of the way they set up a room for you to live in.
Despite the hospitality though you always felt out of place among the servants and the guards. You weren't royalty, just a random guy from Geneva, Switzerland that got spat out here by crazy magic.
Course...life at the castle ain't that bad now is it? You got the food, warm bed, some workers to help direct you around the giant place. Yeah, it ain't that bad. Besides, you did become friends with the Lunar Princess. Her name is Luna but you sometimes call her Moonbutt, much to her annoyance.
It didn't take long for you both to become friends, since you both liked pulling pranks on the castle's inhabitants provided that you didn't get caught. You chuckle as you remember the time you both pranked Celestia, it was a slap on the knee.
Shit you must be getting old if you're saying that. Anyway, when you found out Celestia loved cake it was too tempting. When you both reached the dining hall you had Luna distract Celestia while you slipped into the kitchen.
Once inside you quickly attempted to convince the chef to slip some hot peppers into the cake. He was reluctant at first but you eventually got him to come around. When the cake was done and delivered to Celestia she dove right in, and boy did she regret doing that!
Course the chef won't take your suggestions now, but it was hilarious to see Sunbutt's face go red as she scrambled to get a glass of water. While that was going on you and Luna quickly escaped outside to let your laughter free.
Ah, good times. Which still happen now and then but lately Luna has been acting...different to you in the past few weeks. Like not in a negative way but more...open to you. Though it shouldn't surprise you considering how long you've been friends with her it just didn't sit right with your stomach.
As you gently furrow your brows in thought you hear the gentle flap of wings behind you and the sound of hooves gently meeting the garden's grass. You smile gently to yourself and turn around to come face to face with the Princess of the Night herself.
Luna smiles back at you as you give her a small bow, causing her to giggle, "Please my friend, we have known thee for so long. There is no need for such formalities."
You stand up again and chuckle, "As long as part of your talk is medieval I can't help it Princess," It didn't take you long to figure out that Luna had a mix of modern and medieval speech due to being gone for so long. She also had a tendency to say 'us' instead of 'me' or 'we' instead of 'I'.
Nevertheless she's still your friend all the same. Her wings return to her sides as she approaches you, a gentle smile on her face. She took a quick look up, probably looking at the moon, before looking at you again.
"How hast thou been on this wonderful night?" She asked warmly, always seeming to think about you. You had to admit she was too kind and you find the legends of Nightmare Moon hard to believe. You reply to her question.
"I've been well Luna, though there isn't much to really do at night. Especially since I'm more use to a more technologically advanced era than this." Yeah....sure they have trains and factories and power. But they didn't have cars or airplanes, course some of them can fly so why bother with an airplane?
She nods, "Understandable...we too find Equestria lacking in it's technology. Despite our sister's efforts we think it could be better but that is just us." She idly looks around then, having always not been one for politics. She's a tough gir- mare though.
You blink as your mind decides to sail into interesting waters. Your eyes focused on her mane, it was so exquisite to you. The fact it flows regardless if there was wind or not, and it blended with the night itself. But she is the night Princess after all.
She looks back to you, having caught you staring at her. She stares back but blushes lightly, "A-art thou alright? We don't have something on our face do we?" Her right hoof moves out of reflex, rubbing her cheek before she pulls her hoof back and looks at it.
You had to admit it was kinda cute. Chuckling, you reach a hand out to her and pet her mane. She doesn't resist and instead rubs into the hand. She always reminded you of a cat whenever you scratched her ear or pet her mane, always loving the attention.
Though you did question as to why she would let you do this, her being a Princess and all. It didn't seem like something royalty would allow, but it could just be human royalty you're thinking about. After all, this place is too different yet similar at the same time. Different species, same rules. Different history, same tech advancements.
You retract your hand from her head, causing her to pout. But she quickly recomposes herself and looks to the gardens before looking at you again. She then smiles, "Wouldst thou care to join us for a stroll in the gardens?"
You smile to her and reply, "I wouldn't mind taking a walk through some flowers with you Moonbutt."
She blushes and hides her face with a wing as she turns from you and starts to walk to the gardens. You chuckle and walk after her, looking at the well trimmed hedges and nicely grown flowers. The statues and fountains added to the tranquil beauty that mixed with the cool nighttime air.
She kept her face hidden from you still, but spoke up, "T-thou teasest us too often. Thou knows we do not like the nickname 'Moonbutt' so why dost thou call us such?" As she asked her question she lowers her wing and looks at you questionably as you both slowly walk through the gardens.
You smile innocently at her, "Because you got a moon on your flank?"
She swats you on your rear with her tail in return, sticking her nose in the air, "Hmpf! Thou shouldst not stare at a mare's flanks! It is rude!" You could tell she was joking though due to the small smile on her lips.
You reach a hand over to her and scratch behind her ears, causing her to forget her mock upsetness with you. Her head pushing against your fingers as she purred, which surprised you as she hadn't done it before.
You decide to keep scratching her ears anyway, your eyes looking around the gardens. It was relatively quiet save for the sound of flowing water as you both reached one of the fountains in the garden.
You feel Luna pull away from your fingers, which causes you to look at her. She smiles softly at you as the light from the moon and stars seemed to reflect gracefully off of her coat. It gave it a rather beautiful look.
Before you could contemplate if she was causing this or not she speaks up, "I-....I have something I wish to tell you," you raise an eyebrow and open your mouth to speak, but she covers it with a hoof and continues, "Do not speak."
She sets her hoof down and sits on the cobblestone path, you do the same though you cross your legs instead. She takes a deep breath and seems to look away from you. She seems quite...antsy, or anxious...and was she blushing? What's going on?
'Wait,' you thought, 'Could, she actually developed a crush on me? I mean it would make sense. The years we've known each other and the pranks we pulled together.'
Well it looks like you'll get your answer, because she turns to face you again and stares down into your eyes. She takes another deep breath and opens her mouth to say whatever is making her act...different.
"We have known thee for some time now, about five to six years to be exact, a-and we have become rather," she stops and breaths again, 'My god she is that nervous?" You thought as she continued.
"W-we have become rather close to thee, and thou hast become a friend we have never had in such a long time. One who we could call our...in your words, best friend. But recently we have experienced...warmer affections for our friend."
By now her cheeks appeared to be burning and she was shuffling on the cobblestone, poor mare. You reach out a hand to gentle take her hoof and comfort it, causing her to look at your hand and then you. Her blush having grown from the contact.
"A-and we ask if thou might share our a-affection?" She continued, her stuttering starting to get worse. You aren't sure yourself if you liked Luna that way. But you have to admit she has always been like the teenage girl you'd get your first real crush on, whom would usually later not return your affections at all.
But now tis quite the opposite and your heart is arguing with your head. But the sound of someone gulping snaps you out of the mental war as you look at Luna. She was biting her lips rather hard as she waited for your answer, you had to decide fast.
It appears, though, neither side can win. Effectively leaving you to decide on your own. On one hand she IS cute and kind. But on another she IS a different species and a Princess...
Ah screw it, inter-species relationships were all the rage on the internet anyway, and who cares if she's a Princess right? You move your other hand to the same hoof your first one is on, gently picking her hoof up and staring into her eyes.
She blush deepens and she fidgets, but doesn't resist. Instead staring back at you as you smiled at her. She opens her mouth to speak, but you opt to lean closer to her and kiss her on the lips to tell her the affection is mutual shared.
She freezes and her eyes go wide as her wings involuntarily leave her sides and rise a bit. It takes her a few moments to realize what you're doing before she relaxes and wraps her hooves around your neck. She gently pushes back into the kiss, her lips soft against yours.
Your heart was beating faster from just one simple kiss. You thought it would feel like nothing, but your heart made you feel like you were about to jump off the mountain itself and into the valley below. Good thing you're not or you'd not only be dead but the first human pancake!
Eventually you lungs demand oxygen or they threaten to make you pass out. You attempt to gently pull away from the kiss as you take a deep breath to refill your lungs. Luna appeared to be doing the same as her blush apparently only grew hotter from the kiss you gave her.
A minute passes before Luna speaks up, "S-so dost thou admit thine affection for me?"
You couldn't help but chuckle at that medieval speech in the mix as you nod, "Yes Luna. I admit my affection towards you."
She smiles and nuzzles your cheek, "We-...I am very glad to hear that my friend. Or should I say my coltfriend~" she giggles to herself and snuggles you, rubbing her head against your chest. You wrap your arms around her and shrug.
"Well we did just kiss and last I checked friends never really so that, so I believe I am your...coltfriend?"
She sighs happily and turns her head to look up at you, "Twould be equivalent to thy word of a boyfriend."
You nod and kiss her on the nose, making her giggle more. At least you knew what it was...not that you didn't know of course! Your left hand moves up to her mane and your start to pet it. Both of you stay like this for a few minutes as the water gently flows down from the fountain.
Eventually you both hear a bell ring 12 strokes, midnight. Luna slips from your grasp and stands up, you doing the same. She smiles and leans over to kiss your cheek before she speaks, "I must go attend to the court, as it is my duty. But I do hope to see thee again, anon."
She smiles at you and unfurls her wings, you hadn't noticed they had been tucked against her body once more. Guess you got distracted! She smiles and winks at you before flapping her wings and talking off, no doubt heading to the throne room for the next few hours.
You can't help but grin and turn around, looking at the flowers. You realize you winded up dropping your apple somewhere...the darn mare really did distract you now didn't she? Unless she...Oh that sly mare, she does love Sweet Apple Acres apples. She must've taken it while you were sitting and scratching her ears! Oh well, you can get more hopefully.
As you look to the flowers again, smiling, you notice a moonflower start to bloom. Almost as if it was a symbol of a newly blooming relationship amidst the nighttime air.
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- JaydexTheShadowKnight · 1.6k words · 407 16 · 17k views
- Silver Scrolls · 15k words · 349 34 · 6.9k views
- Flutterpriest · 3k words · 471 22 · 14k views
- NightShader · 4.6k words · 402 15 · 25k views
- NightShader · 2.3k words · 426 19 · 21k views
- NightShader · 4.3k words · 317 9 · 12k views
- anonymous proxy · 2.5k words · 327 18 · 7.8k views
- NightShader · 2.2k words · 397 24 · 23k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.16 seconds
Total duration
864 users online
465,702 hits today, 2,244,100 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Baseless cliched romance is baseless and cliched.
Also a lot of obvious grammar and spelling issues.
Please remember to thoroughly proofread.
I would tell you if i knew, But I don't.
Also, maybe you should make a sequel, Just a suggestion.
And have a Moustache.
5584103
If you mean the words like thou, knowest, and carest, those are actually medieval words. I know so because I looked them up before using them and wanted to give Luna a mix of modern and Medieval speech. She had been gone for a thousand years and I believed it would take her a long while to ditch all the medieval speech.
As for baseless and cliched? Eh, everyone writes a bad short story or one-shot now and then. Just gotta live with it and learn from it.
5584150
The word Anon is also a medieval word for "Until later." It's also a modern would to mean soon or shortly. I just asked to see if anyone would know. Cuz now think of all the stories that use Anon to name a character!
And thank you for the Moustache.
5584225
I know what old english is, and you used it correctly.
It was the normal english you seem to struggle with.
5584234
Well at least I got one correctly. Tis probably why most people don't write second person and the vast majority of book printed stories are first or third person.
adorable.
Because in the three years since "Luna Eclipsed", she hasn't fucking learned how to speak normal
5585250
Some learn slower than others, tis true.
5585672
Something I have a thought on developing on, but I already have a few things to write along with the fact that too many at once could clog and screw up my writing.
soon; shortly.
"I'll see you anon"
it also stands for the personification of the old world internet.
5585706
Very good, I just find it funny how many stories use Anon as the short for anonymous in it. Course it's the best shortening for that name so lets just laugh about it.
5585722 yes lets do some Insane anime laughter
Aw, this was cute! In a good way.
Even though it is a written fantasy to many, I enjoyed it, whether it was cliched romance story with a favorite pony or not.
could use a sequel/continuation where the human hunter comes back to Canterlot and attacks him to where he barely survives the assault due to some ambiguous form of magic contained inside of a locket/pendant that Princess Luna gave to him as a token of her affection
5584103
I don't know why this comment has so many down votes, comparatively speaking. That's not even all of the story's flaws.
5586666
I admit every story has it's flaws and this one is rather cliche, but I'm not so sure why it's being down voted either.
You get my upvote on the cover pic alone.
...Wolfenstein? (2009)
*pranked
Fucking worth it though
I feel like I should point out that the type of language is called 'archaic', or 'old english'. While you've got a decent handle on the dialect, it could do to be improved.
Oh fuck, I can't stop laughing... Oh god, someone help me... That is pure fucking GOLD!
All in all, I loved this. The lack of solid grammar doesn't take away the enjoyment from the story. Short, sweet, and very very cute. There needs to be more short stories like this.
5585346 Then this is not the real Luna. Just a dumb imposter
5586708
I'll correct that grammar error you pointed out and this is my first attempt with old English so I'm not surprised that it could be improved!
5586722
Well a story's a story's, no one said it was canon in the real MLP Universe. Besides I personally like to think she would be reluctant to give up a dialect she has spoken for over a millennia. (Especially if a millennia was spent talking to herself while alone on the moon.)
Make a sequel, and more stories like this, but with different ponies.
Sweet.
But not my thing.
Still, sweet. Short, sweet, light. Nicely done.
Though a few points of improvements, and possible errors:
1. Ah, good times. Which still happen now and then but lately Luna has been acting...different to you In the past few weeks.
- Wrong capitalization?
2. As you gently furrow your brows in thought you hear the gentle flap of wings behind you and the sound if hooves gently meeting the garden's grass.
3. She idly looks around then, having always not not been one for politics.
4. The fact it go flow regardless if there was wind or not...
- ...go flow?
5. I-....I have something I wish to tell thou,"
- Personal opinion: Does not sound natural. "you" instead of "thou" is fine here.
6. Personal opinion: Too much "thou"s. "You" will be fine as it is more personal. And the scene is rather a one-on-one personal thing.
This will help with Luna's dialogues
1. http://www.fimfiction.net/group/244/author-support/thread/151969/luna-for-dummies
2. https://docs.google.com/document/d/1-LjF13rD2amtvPJfguXzXzT0AD4OMU3CkrFavXtloHc/edit?usp=sharing&pli=1
5586940
Thou was usually how one would address the person they are talking to in old English, so it appeared to be something to slip on as she would've no doubt commonly used it in the past.
As for those errors I'll go correct them now, thank you for pointing them out.. Though I do kinda agree with number 5, I guess I went a tad overboard with the use of the word thou.
5586959
You seem to have done your research on old English well, I must admit. Do check out the links I gave, I think it would add nicely to your research.
5586963
I'll do that for sure, always good to learn how to write better. Even if it's dialect wise.
5586974 My sentiments exactly. I'm also learning.
:) sweet
In the interest of higher quality for a nice story, I list corrections to each one of Luna's lines to enhance the authenticity and better the sound.
I hope that helps!
5587027
I hadn't known the was another form to address someone. I'll probably do the changes that change thou to the just to balance out the word usage.
As for the others? A number of the changes seem like a good idea, though remember I was attempting to balance her modern and old English speech as it had been six years. So she would probably become less and less reluctant to lose her old English dialect.
...or perhaps not? Either way they are good indeed.
5587046 Thee is the objective form. Thou is the subjective. And I do remember that--but the reason I gave you those changes was because it doesn't actually sound quite right for the verb and noun forms to be put together in such a way.
Let me explain: "Thou" was originally used as the singular or informal second person pronoun. You was the plural or the formal. You came with the same forms we recognise now, like "You eat" or "I have you." Thou came with the forms ending in -st. Now, as English evolved, You eventually replaced Thou, and the verb forms came with it. At no point did the evolution come up with "You hast" or "Thou has". It just didn't sound quite right.
It's a hard thing to balance those old forms with the new. But a good idea might be to instead use modern figures of speech and speech patterns while keeping the correct medieval forms. That way it still sounds right but you keep a good balance.
Edit: For example, where I say "It is" instead of "It's," use It's anyway. And where I say 'Twould, use It'd.
5587093 I see, thank you for the information.
Cute. Though I wished you expanded just a teeny bit more on the whole inter-species problem. Instead of saying "internet" (there's internet in Equestria?), you could've tried him taking note of how inter-species relationships are considered mostly normal in Equestria, plus he's not going to be going back home and/or seeing another human soon. Still, a very nice and short story.
5587423
I may have worded it a bit wrong, I had meant back on Earth with all the inter-species relationship Shippings on Earth. But that would've been better, yes.
5584225
You are welcome and that is a very enlightening thing to read and it is funny
5587500 Thank you. Just putting my thoughts. I felt that it was a hand wave of an excuse, as if it wasn't a big deal. Inter-species relationship, I feel, is a lot more serious and problematic than we think. Though it didn't really take away from the sweetness of the story. Just would've like a bit more development, personally. Again, it was still a very nice story and it certainly improved my mood. Have a like.
5587027 Man, you gotta teach me archaic english. I love it.
When she said "Anon" I cracked laughing, too much 4chan I guess...
Great story man. Loved it!
P.D: Sweet Jesus. I think I'll have to rework most of Luna's lines in my fanfic now.
5588170 Simple rules: Thou is singular, and should be used as the subject. Thee is the object of thou. Use the ending -st for present tense verbs whose subject is thou, but only use it on the first verb. Note: "Thou playest with thee." "Thou dost reward thee." "Dost thou play?" You is plural and its verb stuff is totally normal. Note: "You play with you." "You reward you." "Do you play?"
When it comes to the third person singular (he, she, it), the pronouns are the same. The present tense verb forms should end in -th, but only use that ending on the first verb. Plural (they) is normal. I and we are normal.
Possessives: Use thy and my with words that start with consonant sounds, and thine and mine with words that start with vowel sounds.
That's pretty much it, other than the bit with subjunctives (verbs that express uncertainty) that always use be instead of is, are, or am, but I'm not going to cover that.
Oops.
Hope that helps!
5588958 Thanks a lot!
I needed a simpler explanation since english is not really my native tongue(I actually like english more than spanish, my own language.) , and you shared it!
I'll try to put it into good use.
Awww one shot? But what about the murders? It's so unresolved!
After reading this story, I wanted to draw one of the images that the image this is taken from.
Here....
th07.deviantart.net/fs70/PRE/f/2015/035/5/3/waifu_luna_by_bubba_by_xbubba1995x-d8gq9tv.png
pinkie.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw1027_iqIxA.gif
*You're
Also, you kind of left room for expansion empty after you did not elaborate on the human killings.
5589358 *Screaming*
5589743 I take it you like it.
5589593
Can always build off an actual story for it later, I got a few other things to write first. Also thank you for pointing out my mistake, I'll go correct it now.
5589452
So much for more apples.
5589358
Nicely done!
Nope. That there was drawn by TheSassyJessy, which it even says in the description of the post you linked to.
5590606
Yeah, he told me not too long ago about that, I need to make the correction!
5590703
As long as you're aware.
5590705
Just made the correction, sorry for the misdirection.
I was pretty much sold at "horse land."
This is adorable to say the least. Well done.
5591941
Indeed. So far my best one yet considering the statistics!