• Member Since 12th Sep, 2013
  • offline last seen July 25th

Popcorn Chicken



T
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In search of glory, riches and a harem of amorous hens, Gillet must start from the ground up if he's to achieve the same level of fame as the celebrity Talons of old.

Chapters (9)
Comments ( 15 )

This story has griffins, that's a plus.

This is actually really interesting. Very original and it can go a lot of places like this.
Also Griffons cuz all of my yes.

~Reggie

This deserves more attention. Also a tad of editing; not much, just a few skipped words.

Now this is how you do a prologue!

The chapter slips up on grammar at times, but it more than makes up for those faults with its eccentric style. Though told from a third person perspective, the narration seems to carry the likeness of a passionate movie lover, much like our protagonist. No description is left dull or repetitive; there is always a bizarre or novel twist on ordinary details. Disregarding whether they worked or not, these additions of flair really give life to a genre that takes itself too seriously to experiment with style.

Right from the opening, I can see a grand adventure unfolding, one that wants to make the most of its fun, spirited premise!

Shuffler and Adder are lovely characters. Every line of dialogue they shared was just a treat that had me grinning. Not to mention, their chemistry was just pronounced enough to properly hint at what was in Shuffler's lock box.

Then the transition over to Gillet's mother... the armor-piercing question at the end and what preceded it... There's just so much to praise in this chapter!

The only problem I could address would be the apparent oversight of a young griffon making its way up to the cloud cover. The two pegasi mentioned outposts existing to prevent this sort of intrusion, and it is a wonder how no Enclave personnel managed to see Gillet.

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Cheers for the positive comments. Editing is something I will improve in the future.

Aw Man, This was good I just wish there was more to it.
I hope you'll continue this some way I would love to hear more.

~Reggie

Hey there, quick question. The story have an epilogue, but is does still say that it is incomplete. Is that incomplete an oversight or?

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An oversight on my part. I don't use Fimfiction a lot.

I cannot say I am not disappointed. I was invested in seeing this character take the wasteland by storm! There were possibilities abound to take a film-loving griffin with the need for adventure, and the writing was clever enough to make full use out of the concept.

However, I did enjoy the story up to now. The experience was definitely one worth the disappointment. Any problems I spotted were usually quickly forgotten thanks to the vivacious characterization, witty dialogue, and enthusiastic narration.

Albeit, due to the short length and time skips, I found there were more great concepts abandoned than pursued. Gillet noticeably does not change at all in personality or mindset from fledgling to young adult. Several chapters could have been implemented to demonstrate that Gillet was capable of reconnecting to reality: a lesson in training, an encounter with an experienced wastelander, moments that impact his cinema-driven conscience. Though the character is enjoyable regardless, it is hard to reconcile that lack of development with his enthusiasm and naivety.

If you ever decide to continue Gillet's story via prose, then I would love to see his character go through arcs and make friends with others who are not so optimistic and idealistic. He is at the core of everything that makes this story so wonderful.

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Thanks for reading. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

>>Albeit, due to the short length and time skips, I found there were more great concepts abandoned than pursued. Gillet noticeably does not change at all in personality or mindset from fledgling to young adult. Several chapters could have been implemented to demonstrate that Gillet was capable of reconnecting to reality: a lesson in training, an encounter with an experienced wastelander, moments that impact his cinema-driven conscience. Though the character is enjoyable regardless, it is hard to reconcile that lack of development with his enthusiasm and naivety.

This was something I was aware of and I attempted to address it in Date-ed, but I had to balance that with that fact that Gillet enters the campaign like this (which is common in a meta-sense; most characters start as somewhat two-dimensional and are fleshed out the long they're played). Rest assured, Gillet does learn some hard Wasteland lessons. Some bad and good, but never abandons his naive, enthusiastic and cinematic core.

I appreciate your criticism and it's something I'll consider should attempt to write something in the future.

I like this. You have captured my attention, and earned yourself a favorite.

I just read it and must say its a great story! Thought its really not that i usually expect from foe at all. Jokes aside just for me it would better be a classical foe story. Thought this story have "concept" " idea " and written good with really fun dialougs. So i like it and wish you luck in your future stories.

Your book has been advertised on the new facebook group page: https://www.facebook.com/groups/foebooks/ :)

How did Gillet's foray into PnP heroism go?

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