Short Caked
"Can you believe it's been almost ten years since I saved y'all from poverty, Diamond?"
Diamond Tiara hummed in acknowledgement as she continued about her menial chores of making the mare of the house her morning brew.
"Who'd a thunk the, former, richest pony in Ponyville would end up working for the one pony whose flank she used to tease so much. Why, I bet you wish you's was me right now, huh?
Diamond Tiara said nothing, ignoring her Mistress' almost daily reminder of their less than amorous foalhood days, rather, continuing to check on the sweets she had prepared. Satisfied the pastry was now cool enough to serve she scooped a helping of the gooey brown and syrup covered treat, topped with a single sliced strawberry, set at just an angle so's it looked like a lopsided heart. A heart her mistress continued to bite into greedily, figuratively, as Diamond Tiara set the treat by Apple Bloom as she went about to fetch Apple Bloom the morning paper...
"I mean, who don't wanna own their business, have the respect of every pony 'round, and eating all these fantastic strawberry treats—which I gotta say for some pony who used to be so prickly, and snooty, all the time to me and mah friends, you make some pretty good sweets. And here I was just gonna let you be my servant for a few weeks just to get some petty payback on yas. Kharma sure is a sweet one ain't it, Diamond?"
Diamond Tiara spat the newspaper onto the table before Apple Bloom, Apple Bloom 'rewarding' her with a friendly pat on the head. Hearing the coffee kettle piping it's steamy tune she quickly headed to ready her Mistress' morning coffee. Denying Apple Bloom her morning pleasure of seeing Diamond's face scrunch up at the false praise.
"Why, honestly I don't know what I was thinking then, I used to say Scoots was crazy fer wanting me to let you move into the farm," Apple Bloom flipped through a few pages of her morning paper, settling in on the Market News. "I never understood that pegasus. The one minute she's ready to wallop ya for so much as looking at her wrong, the next she's all sentimental and bleeding heart on ya singing how we should try and see things from the others' perspective. That girl 's just too trusting sometimes."
*smash*
"Well, ain't we the butter hooves today."
Diamond Tiara bit her lip, coffee having scald her hoof from the splash resulting from the mug she absentmindedly let slip. She couldn't afford to get distracted, she ignored the thoughts running through her mind and continued about cleaning the mess she made. Once settled she fixed a new cup of coffee for the Mistress.
"But I have to hand it to that pegasus, thanks to her I wouldn't be here right now. Guess we got Scoots to thank for our good fortune, eh, Diamond? Life sure is good. And don't y'all worry none, I'm a mare of my word. Sure I tease ya, tis only right after all, but long as you stay loyal to me, and don't go blabbing to mah sis, I'll continue to keep ya round."
Diamond Tiara nodded, the spoon making clinking sounds as she stirred the coffee in the mug, all the while slipping in as much spit as she could without it being too noticeable. Wiping her chin with a hoof as she made a pass to drop the spoon within the sink.
"Why, with your advice I was able to improve Sweet Apple Acres production quite nicely. I mean, once you get the hang o' it I hardly needed your advice, my ideas were just as good and came out even better."
Diamond Tiara set the coffee on the table next to the chocolate coated brown strawberry shortcake. Giving Apple Bloom the most genuine smile she could muster, "Enjoy your breakfast, Ma'am."
"Thank ya kindly!" said, Apple Bloom.
Diamond stood and watched Apple Bloom dig into her shortcake. It wasn't long before Apple Bloom had reached the gooey center. That was always the best part. Diamond Tiara had become quite the baker since moving in with the Apples. Using a few tips and an old recipe Diamond's mother and her shared making back during Diamond's foalhood days, the same recipe she had baked for her father every Father's Day. This was a day Diamond wouldn't miss for the world.
Apple Bloom, upon reaching the bottom of the treat, began to feel a bit off. The more she ate the more her body trembled. A strange and powerful aftertaste was beginning to take hold, a rather powerful flavor that swept across her mouth and the back of her throat the more the chocolate and coconut shavings became less distinct upon her pony tongue.
"Diamond, what did you do to this cake? It tastes like... it smells awful... oh my stars, I feel sick."
"Oh, I don't know. There's shaved coconuts, shaved cocoa with chocolate syrup, strawberries, lots of strawberries, and a little something Winona left a few days ago. I can't say, really. Must have been too much coconut shavings." Diamond said, her face still plastered with that same smile.
Apple Bloom could say nothing, her face a sickly pale yellow. "It was definitely NOT the co-" Apple Bloom burped, a burp that offended her nostrils so intensely she could have vomited there and then. Desperate to clean the taste of the bile and musky burp taste in her mouth, she reached for the coffee and rinsed her mouth and tongue best she could of the lingering taste, all but ignoring the slimy texture she had only begun to notice as she rinsed her mouth clean of the taste, not before swallowing however. Apple Bloom was mortified, all she could do was stare at the mare across the table from herself with teary eyes, yet Diamond stood. Unmoving. Unblinking. Just smiling that forced smile she gave her every morning.
Apple Bloom bolted to the kitchen sink, retching up all she could of the offending treats.
Diamond Tiara removed her rags, turned from the sobbing mare in the sink, and made her way out the kitchen. As she passed through the double-doors of the kitchen, Applejack spoke up from the bottom of the stairs.
"I get that mah sister ain't the nicest to ya'll in the mornings, but I don't think that gives ya a right to poison her. You didn't really..."
"Pfft. 'Course not. She'll be fine, nothing more than some bad alfalfa spruced up with a few spices to get the tummy rumbling, and a little something to bring out the slimy aftertaste. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a pegasus I need to talk to. I guess I'll see you around, Applejack."
"Aw, shucks. Well, you know the door is always open for ya, Diamond. Take long as ya need, I'll deal with my little sis. She's gotten mighty full 'o self these past couple years, I hardly blame ya but I do wish you two'd get along better. You're family now, you know that right? All's you have to do is come talk to me if'n you feel bothered."
"Thanks, Applejack. I'll think about it."
"APPLE~JAACK~!" cried Apple Bloom, from within the kitchen.
"Well, best 'o luck to ya Diamond. Just know you this *is* your home, too."
Diamond Tiara smiled, a soft sincere smile before making her way out of the Apple Family mansion.
"APPLEJACK!" Cried Apple Bloom once more.
"I'm a' comin'!" These girls are gonna be the end of me one these days.
---
THE END...
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This is good. I mean I can't tell what all is going on, but it's good none the less.
Never mock a pony who pampers and cooks for you, anyway this really did add a lot of potential where you can't help but feel what Diamond is going through.
Apple Bloom just learned a valuable lesson. NEVER mock the pony that cooks your food.
Never mock the person preparing your meals. That is just basic.
Heu heu heu. reminds me of this scene:
"Let them eat cake." responded Her Most Dazzling Majesty The Queen of Prance Diamond Tiara. And,thus, they ate.
In the end, DT always wins. Always! *Insert evil laugh here*
This fic really seems like it should be the middle of a longer one. A better builup to add context to why Diamond is poor and why Apple Bloom is her 'Mistress' would go a long way. A real ending would be nice as well, instead of the half-assed semi-cliffhanger we do get.
This could be a decent fic if it wasn't trying to stand alone. The whole thing is lackluster and unpolished, clearly needing additional context and characterization to feel complete.
As a word of advice, it is often harder to write a coherent short story than it is to write a coherent longer one. If you're pressed for time and as such have no desire to write a longer story, don't write a poor short story that is in need of rewrites to make it a strong piece of prose.
5375450 I'm afraid your definition and the one used in this fic are wholly exclusive to one another. I'm using the more traditional and respectable title of servant x master relationship.
Secondly, my time is my own. If I desire to write a short interpretation of a scene I'll do so. Heaven knows this wouldn't be the first of things I've dumped onto fimfiction. I released this with full acknowledgements to it's short view into the life of these ponies. Your critiques are well noted.
But the notion that I should not release it for not having the time (or desire, either or) for a more hand-holding and serious look into every detail of their lives that led them all to this day, is quite frankly, something you'll have to put up with as this likely isn't going to be the last of these short, and not too filling, slices of fiction I'll dump onto a front page from time to time.
You do, as all do, have full permission to expand and make your own interpretation of events. I always did prefer the Alfred Hitchcock open-ended style. Granted this is by no means one of those, that man was a genius, but open-ended and left to interpretation is something I enjoy even in other people's works who write far better than I.
Thanks for the critique.
Puts a whole new meaning to the phrase "S**t-eating grin".
5371548 Thanks, it was fun playing out the characters. One can say that this picture was worth at least 1300 words. :P
5371583 Thanks!
And now you don't have to wonder if I'll ever release another fic! Until next year~ (possibly joking...)
5371846 I'm still looking through my copy of "B*tch 101" and still can't seem to find that entry. Maybe you can lend Apple Bloom your copy some time. ;3
5372335 You can mock their food, just don't mock them while they make the food. Both will result in the same outcome eventually, but totally agree. This is one cook who won't be wearing the "Kiss the Baker" apron. xD
5371593 Ha! Yeah, imagine being the maid to someone who you once bullied? Whoa boy... Those years of Apple Bloom become head pony must of sucked for Diamond if they were like this every now and again with the putting DT in her place. Glad you enjoyed it.
5372786 But then she ran out of cake and things got ugly.
5373098 Did she win? Did she REALLY?
...
Well, she did kinda score a nice touchdown there I suppose.
5375747 Pretty sure that's just the chocolate. Apple Bloom is a messy eater for one so 'refine' looking. But now I have that image of Apple Bloom grinning her chocolate covered grin up at everyone. Cute. But get it outta mah head!
5372733 Oh lawdy, you done won the internets there. I best get to watching that movie there fer it done 'spired some righteous curiosity in me! And oh stars alight, that white girls head all GINGER just like Apple Bloom's! You won best post, good Sir or Madam.
Thank ya kindly y'all for the nice words. Glad many you's found something ta like bout this shortie fic. Till next time! And merry Christmas and a Happy New Years to all! (and a happy political correctness, Happy Holidays, to all yous who don't celebrate the jolly red guy!)
Seriously, never expected this would land on the popular list much lest get half the views it got, much less all the generous people who found this worthy to be in their favorites. Thanks, and have a great Holiday season!
5378854 That would be a powder keg of anger and chaos. Ha!
5378854 In a sense, yeah. Now, she knows she is welcome in the Apple home and if there is anymore problems with Apple Bloom, she knows Applejack has her back.
5378854 I thank thee kindly, o gracious writer. And I am indeed a Sir.
5380129 I'll certainly try, didn't come close to finishing it last year. We'll try at least. Me and the voices inside my head will try.
Nice one. I like how considering Apple Bloom was now being the "snooty/braggy" one she kinda got what she deserved. While she has reason to dislike Tiara, and perhaps Tiara deserves some of the riffing for how she used to treat her, (and I like the irony that Tiara was now the poorer one, and AB was successful) but despite Tiara kinda deserving it, AB kinda was still kicking a pony while they're down, so I like how the fic still gives you some sympathy for Tiara.
Her li'l subtle prank was unexpected, and pretty in-character for her, and a li'l funny. I like how the fic' makes both characters not to overly-mean though, yet still has some animosity between them, yet now they have to live under the same roof.
I also like how AJ was being friendly to Tiara, and the hint at the end she was going to thank Scootaloo for convincing the Apples to take her in. Kinda hints perhaps Tiara has matured a bit, while still not being a "saint" perhaps.
Overall, I like how the fic kinda has a "grey area" with both Bloom & Tiara, and neither is the "bad pony," or "good pony" 100%.
5407564 Thanks. That was a thoughtful look into the story, as these two are basically sisters now in a way. Well, pretty much for all intents and purposes given the circumstances, and Apple Bloom knows this. Hence why she warns DT about not tattling on her. At least I think so.
Yet as many of Apple Bloom's episodes tend to show, she isn't always the most rational or forgiving of ponies at times. I like that about her, because honestly a lot of us can relate to that more. Some can't quite let go of the past, even if we know the person isn't as bad as they were back then.
As a commenter already mentioned before. There is a lot of stuff here that feels as if it should be a sort of mid point into a bigger story, I took that as a compliment btw as this basically is just a slice of the many years these two have had to interact with each other; case in point the whole helping come up with new ideas to help the farm that got mentioned being something that took place apparently 2 years prior if we're to believe the Apples began to get out of impoverish state thanks to whatever happened back then. Could have started even a couple harvests earlier even. We just don't know exactly.
I mostly just wrote them as how I see them act on the show, Apple Bloom always did seem to want more while the other two CMC were more for enjoying the time together. Apple Bloom like any normal person has a selfish side, too, and she is a very self-conscious pony to boot. Given the chance to one-up Diamond Tiara, as in Family Appreciation Day, she'll take it. She's a great pony, and compliments Diamond Tiara quite nicely. Vice versa, too. They have a very open to interpretation history between them, and that's a fun thing to play around with.
You have a good eye, don't think anyone else have mentioned Scootaloo yet. Glad you enjoyed it. Scootaloo has really changed a lot since S1. She's opened up so much more, and showed us just what a heart of gold she has. We don't know what made her convince Apple Bloom, but Scootaloo is pretty empathic and it's just hard to say no to a pony like her.
I imagine AJ having quite the full time job of putting up with a lot between those two. Yet she loves her family, and even if she don't like the in-fighting and likely what Apple Bloom has been doing, she'll stick by them. Once she commits to something, I doubt she'd go back on her word.
Thanks for reading.
Bullying a bully is wrong, still. And Apple Bloom did deserve some payback, assuming this had been going on for years.
For a second, there, I thought this was going to end a lot more darkly, with bodyswaps and all. I distinctly recall that option when I saw the picture the first time.
One tiny remark, hardly worth pointing out: 'scolding' is a vocal act, 'scalding' is burning skin with hot liquid.
As for the Scootaloo subplot... Applejack mentions Diamond is family. So the first impulse is to think Scootaloo was adopted by the Apples, and has since entered a romantic relationship with Diamond? That explains how DT could be in the Apple residence as a maid without anyone noticing, and presumably Scootaloo moved out of the house recently, prompting Diamond to do the same.
... did Diamond just trot off to have revenge angry snu-snu?
6278780
Well, that's an embarrassing typo. Thank you for actually bringing that up! I love minor problems being brought to my attention.
All 100% up to interpretation.
(all the snu-snu)
As to the rest of your comments. Gosh. Your brain processes thoughts and possibilities similar to the way I often fill gaps in other stories. That is a fascinating take on the story. Also, I believe I recall that thread and a suggestion of bodyswaps in one of those stories there. xD
Thanks for reading and commenting!
Lol, this is literally the first story I've read in a long time were I thought that Apple Bloom was a total ass. Strangely enough it makes me want to know more about their unique situation. Like what got them there, what flipped the script ya know.
But when Diamond tainted the food I cracked a small smile as that was exactly what I was thinking I'd do in that situation, lol.
Great short story!
9136081
Ha thanks, I was inspired by a few Apple Bloom episodes that want to write something between the two in this kind of manner sorta but this pic set the stage for something I had wished to eventually do more with though in the end I tossed it to the side given I knew I wouldn't have the time and focus to explore the trauma of Scootaloo and Diamond's family's unfortunate fate.
I never intended to write DT with a mother before, far as I knew she had non until S3's Bab Seed threaten to tell on Silver and DT to their mothers about their bad attitudes, something Babs would have to have worded very carefully given the tyrannical length she went to show DT and Silvy how tough she was. So, I don't know. I probably would like to try something eventually for Diamond and the gang before gen 4 ends at least, who knows.
And yes, Apple Bloom never was the brightest pony in the shed. You simply do not mess with the pony you've got serving you literal apologies in tea and sweets like that, it's just bound to bite you in the end. xD
Approved by Pinkie Pie
9161079
Why thank ye'kindly there, Mr. Discord.
9161999
You're welcome.