• Member Since 3rd Dec, 2014
  • offline last seen Sep 7th, 2019

MagicalEntaty


i love reading and writing and just being myself things that is sometime sparest but who cares right.

T

When the Crystal Heart is not recovered, all the element bearers manage to flee the Crystal Empire... except one. With time running against them and Sombra's power growing, can Twilight's friends save her from the evil king before she breaks?

Chapters (8)
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Comments ( 38 )

Ooo, which star is it?

5408352 twilight her cutie mark is a star

5408364

It's actually multiple stars.

I edited your description for you.

When the Crystal Heart is not recovered, all the element bearers manage to flee the Crystal Empire...except one. With time running against them, and with Sombra's power growing, can Twilight's friends save her from the evil king before she breaks?

You also might want to find an editor to help you with your spelling and grammar.

("prologe" should be "Prologue")

So is Sombra going to make Twilight his student or Queen?

5409494 wait and see, wondering whats going to happen next is half the fun of story's

5409321 thanks that is better, much better

5409824 No problem, but you made a couple errors when you copied it.

"Except" should be lowercase. There is no space between the three periods and that word.

"agents" should be "against".

And you still need to change the chapter name to "Prologue".

Sombra's going to make Twilight a hoist to something terrible.

Well, at least he didn't use a large mallet to brake her personality and rebuild it. And Sombra needs better slaves.

5439604 sonic did that to amy :D.

Good story, but lots of spelling errors. I don't mean to sound like a jerk, sorry.:fluttershysad:

Spike jumped out the window to get the Crystal Heart to get to Cadence but Twilight couldn't just sit there and leave things up to chance she had to get out... somehow. Twilight put everything she got into her next attack and the crystals shattered but before she could even try to get out they regrew. Then out of no where a strange sensation, it was a pules of dark energy, that could only mean one thing... Sombra got the Heart.

Spike jumped out the window, intent on getting the Crystal Heart to Cadence. Twilight, however, couldn't sit still and leave things to chance. She had to get out somehow. She put everything she had into her next attack, and the crystals shattered. She took a step forward to escape, but they regrew before she had the chance. A magical sensations sent shivers down her spine. Dark magic like that could only mean one thing: Sombra had the Heart.

Just a suggestion, this is with (I think) correct grammar and all words spelled right, with some different word choices to keep things SPICY! (sorry, I like words :twilightsheepish:)
So... yeah. Thumbs up!:yay:

Okay... bit confused. Are they ponies or people? I've heard mention of both hooves and hands, so I'm not sure.

5463641 great suggestion thanks. Btw do you or anyone know how to put a cover art on this thing

5463692 there high breads they have hoves for feet but walk on two and hands fur, there a mix of human and pony hence the anthro

Loving it :twilightsmile:

Just one thing and please don't take it the wrong way :fluttershyouch:
but you've got some misspelt words in here, and it took a few tries to work out what you were trying to say.

5571017 ya I know, but to be honest, this is kind my better spelling job, I'm not the best.:twilightsheepish:

note: when you're naming the main six by their colors, Rarity is white with purple hair, Twilight is the purple one

5586344 Shining armours armour, is purple

5586569 no... he's white too, unless it's the armour you're talking about...

5586572 is his armour from the show

I think you need a little work with your grammar because this is a great story the grammar is horrible though. You might also want to check your punctuation marks.

6238210 I know that it's horrible I've never really been good at that and I can't find an editor

I could help you ... if you don't mind. :fluttershyouch:

6357734 of course, just message me. Right now I'm open to any help. And it's all welcomed. Thanks

Hi I like your story but was wondering if you would like my help with spelling and grammar. A beta if you're interested.

6383540 yes all the help I could get would be great!

I love fanfics involving twilight but when she is getting torchered it kinda hurts my heart:fluttershysad:.buut this story is still awesome sooo keep up the good work

5463692 anthropoid they are humans with atrabuts of ponies

7147663
Yeah, figured that out eventually. Thanks

That's a relief this story is really good!!!:pinkiehappy:
Do you want me to be your editor, I would love to help!!

Yeah I like it too that is a relief that the story isn't over yippee

Why did you make what they say too small? Not a lot of people can read small print.

I'm not trying to rush you but when is the next chapter. Please tell me.
i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/001/175/505/165.gif

When is the next chapter gonna be?

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