• Member Since 3rd Dec, 2014
  • offline last seen Sep 7th, 2019

MagicalEntaty


i love reading and writing and just being myself things that is sometime sparest but who cares right.

T

Twilight has been banished and hated but she didn't do what they say Celestia believes her but this was the best out come for her. Twilight spent days wondering trying to find a place to rest when she find other's like her. Now things are starting to look up but when Twilight discovers a darkness that plains to attack Equestria will she let the land that turned it's back on her burn or will she try to help.
(this is some time after season 4)

Chapters (6)
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Comments ( 51 )

You need an editor badly. This fic is pretty much unreadable with all the grammar issues. You need a lot more emotion I volved in this story. I felt like this was being read by a person who had just had a lobotomy. Finally, show and don't just tell us the events that happen. We can't see them for ourselves, so let us imagine things by putting more effort with the detail of the ponies, surrounding areas, and the emotions.

Based on the story description, I'm guessing that English isn't your first language.

Thanks this is my first story I'll keep that in mind as I continue

5361954 Please use the reply button. It's that >> thing at the top of each comment. That way, people get a notification when you reply to them.

Comment posted by Rune Caster the First deleted Sep 10th, 2015

I was just wondering, would you like a helping hand with the editing of this story ... if it's okay. :yay: Just offering. :fluttershysad:

6411392 I would love the help! Thank you just send a message to my account. And thanks

Just checked my library and...
WHAAAAA!:pinkiegasp: Its ALIVE!!!!!:pinkiehappy:
Do you have an editor? Or do you self edit? There are a lot of problems with grammar in this fic. I would do it, if you don't have one...that is:twilightsmile:
I love the concept by the way!

6427748 I got someone else's help, sorry about the long wait I'm doing that with all my story's cuz I was looking for a editor

6434429 okay,:pinkiehappy: as long as more is to come I'm happy!

6434575 planing the next right now thanks for the support

oh I am soo going to use my alicorn powers on the pony or creature who framed twilight soo hard that they wont be able to walk for the rest of their life :twilightangry2: :twilightoops: :facehoof: :pinkiecrazy:

This is getting really good, I can tell. I wonder what Twilight's reaction will be? Shocked? Upset? Happy? Perhaps a bit of all three. :derpytongue2:

are you going to do more chapters

7101054 yes just a little writers block but already working on next chapter

Fantastically good chapter, MagicalEntaty. I really loved this chapter, especially the fight scene: but that part could have gone on longer. :twilightsmile:

All in all, I think it's good. :pinkiesmile:

7124992 I'll keep that in mind

MOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!:flutterrage::pinkiehappy::twilightangry2::fluttershbad::applejackconfused::raritycry:
PLEAAAAAAAASSSSEEEE MOOOOOOOAAAAARRRRRR!!!!!!

7157655 no need to worry I got mare ideas and I won't let this die

There's a comic being made of this fimfic on DeviantArt ... if anyone is interested? It can be found here -> http://darkofstp.deviantart.com/art/A-Second-Chance-Fimfic-Comic-Title-Page-607170906

hope to read more soon

Thanks for the head's up on this, hun. I'll go check out their DA page.

found the story and I like it,

7354391 could you please give me the address

Dude I hope there's more soon, your about to hit a very interesting part. :pinkiehappy:

helo 7389903 sorry for taking so long to respond my computer died. but fortunate it was something easy to fix. what I meant was the direction of the comic:twilightsmile:

i wonder when this story will be updated

sorry for bugging you but by any chance do you know when the next chapter will be posted

7594594 I'm trying but I can't get the words right

7696815 its onkay thanks for letting me know

7696815 that good to knew, keep up the good work

Whens the next chapter?

Is this story dead?

quick correction not fallow but follow

this is not year buck yea, please write more

..........oh my gad...oh My Gawd....OH MY FREAKIN GAWWWD!!!!!!ITS NOT DEAD!!!!:twilightoops:

Oh My GOD!!!!! Today 2 stories that I have been waiting for, for so long have returned!!!!! Thank you and please let this be the start of a streak!

"We're in your own country which you called Rises because of two things: the sun rises every day, and this place is the place where you can rise again and live a new life! You have your own holidays and today is your founding day where you saved your first ponies and it only got better from there! You were sooooo scared at first but now you’re all YAY!!! And you now protect everyone but you still miss your friends. But you don't have to worry about that anymore! 'Gasp'" she said, somehow in one breath. A bystander spoke up.

And people wonder why i hate pinkie so much...

this is good so far. can you continue when you get the chance

Feels rushed.

We're told about the reasons for Twilight's banishment, not shown them. We don't see how her friends reacted, or what actually happened, or how anyone could believe that Twilight would attack Celestia.

You basically spent the absolute minmum time necessary to get Twilight away and into your plot, and it has less impact.

Likewise, you skim through the founding of her own kingdom. People just happen to start getting banished after her. It seems like an epidemic. And all of them are like Twilight, just misunderstood. Not of them are actual villians. It feels contrived.

If you wanted a ready made kingdom, have a group of outcasts already there, barely surviving and desperate. Twilight uses her powers to help them, or defeat the guy in charge who is a genuine bad guy, and has gathered all the real bad eggs around him, stealing from everyone else. She rises to leadership and manages to propagate her ideals of friendship and co-operation. The place goes from a refugee camp to an actual town.

"Whoa there! Why should we go with him? And … where are we?" Applejack spoke up.

You're injured and Twilight has just suggested you go to the clinic with a pony called Doctor Health! Why is this even a question? I see you're writing Applejack as dumber than three thick planks of apple wood.

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