An internet reviewer and lover of MLP. That's all I got to say Creature of the Night out
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When alone in her castle, Queen Chrysalis finds a book that allows someone to summon the dead. Curious she tests it out and accidentally summons King Sombra. The cruel king now is poised to take over Chrysalis's kingdom!? Can she stop him, or will the the Crystal Empire's Dark King return?
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And here I thought those two wouldn't fight ever
Thats interesting for sure, little to short
Long live the King.
Came here from authors helping authors. I'm not really a good writer, but I might as well give this a shot.
The story is pretty good, as far as stories go. There's an interesting plot and even some action. Really, not much to be said on the story itself, as I don't really have any complaints.
My problem is with the writing. That's not to say that it's bad or anything, and I certainly couldn't do any better. For some reason, the style of the writing doesn't really draw me in and keep me focused on the story, particularly in the last half (or maybe third) of the fic. That's something that's improved with time, though, so I don't have many suggestions for you there. In the last half of the story, you don't really have much sentence variety. It becomes very repetitive and, to be honest, kinda boring.
Also, it could probably use a bit more editing for grammar and stuff. I often found myself distracted by grammatical errors, but I don't know if that speaks for all of the other readers. I do a lot of editing, so my brain is constantly searching for those errors, whether I'm reading a fanfiction or a cereal box.
Sorry, I'm not very helpful or good at this sort of thing. I tried, though.
Hey, nicely done! I liked the way the fight scenes were described.
This review is brought to you on behalf of the group: Authors Helping Authors
Name of Story: Dillon0909's Duel Of the Dark
Grammar score out of 10: 10. Good, well articulated words.
Pros: I like the determination Chrysalis has to try and get revenge, even after her plans screwed up.
The fact that Sombra fought Chrysalis: pure gold. Nice to see how two of the more...Interesting villains would fare In a fight.
Also nice.
Cons: Perhaps we could have a tad bit more background on the book: like how it showed up or why it was made in the first place.
The fight scene was good, don't get me wrong, but could have been a bit more dragged out.
I'm not exempt from doing this, but hands?
And she got rid of the book pretty quick. Perhaps she could have sneaked it to Canterlot and maybe one of the princesses reads it and be a even more epic fight scene.
Enjoy your review! Please help me out by looking at my story: https://www.fimfiction.net/story/265913/rising-hope
You sir have Impressed me, keep up work like this and could get featured on the homepage.