Not even one call of the void (l'appel du vide) when he was miles in the air, impressive.
Also damn you and your cliff hangers. I'll just be hanging here, on the cliff, the cliff you put me on, the cliff I am going to be on for a few days until the next update, JeremyStorm's cliff, the cliff of JeremyStorm. You monster.
Man, great Chapter! Tensions are high, I hope it doesn't affect Rainbow's audition. It's funny how neither Rainbow nor Will suspect Scoot's crush on Will, even with Sweetie Belle hinting to it. This plot is literally eating me up like Derpy and muffins, I need more. So, godspeed my friend!
Time changes people. Or ponies, in this case. Absence makes the heart grow fonder and stuff like that. One thing I learned from being basically the relationship adviser for my friends is that love blossoms from friendship.
Scoots blushed a brilliant crimson and made a sound not unlike a dying cat. “N-no! Heheh, no. Most of the colts in my class are pretty lame. Rumble can be pretty cool sometimes, and Featherweight’s pretty nice, but I’m so interested in them like that.”
I think you need to take a closer look at that last sentence.
Well fuck. Get your Wellingtons and your waders, kids, because now's time to wade up shit creek.
When the dust settles, nothing is gonna be the same anymore. And I'm not sure that is a good or a bad thing.
Although i really don't get Dash's reluctance to even get close to Will in any sense other than getting her holes plugged. Or his prolonged interest in her. It is gonna take a knife to the abcess to get it all out in the open and properly straightened out.
It would be so much easier if Rainbow actually explained her reasoning instead of her vague answers and reluctance. Without that, it's impossible to address the issue and put it to bed.
Getting complicated sure, but at least Will seems to be taking this seriously and being honest now. Shows that he has some measure of maturity, and that he doesn't want to run from his problem. I'm looking forward to how this plays out!
5683396 Next chapter's already in production, I'll have it along as soon as I can! 5683717 Give him a chance to be standing directly on the edge of a cloud, then we'll see if that happens. Curiously, I've never actually felt that sensation. Mostly because I'm too terrified of heights to ever have the chance. Also, cliff-hangers are love, cliff-hangers are life. 5683806 Yeah, Sweetie was being really blatant about something, wasn't she? I can't quite put my finger on what it was, though... And wow, like Derpy and muffins, huh? That's a dangerous level of obsession there, mate. I recommend twenty cc's of dinkabetes to mend what ails ya!
5683949 I agree. Part of what makes a relationship work is enjoying being around the person you're with. And who do you usually like being around more than your friends? Also, thanks for pointing that out. Yeah, it should have been 'not interested,' but I generally get really lazy during editing, so... 5684122 5684440 5684605 Yeah, lack of communication is definitely a relationship killer, and I agree, it's way overused in media these days. However, it's also a very realistic issue that a lot of couples face. As such, I feel that is a problem that Rainbow in particular would have, but I really don't want it to be the primary point of drama in the story. There are reasons that she's holding back so much, and I hope it'll be all the more satisfying when things do finally come into the open.
5685428 There are a number of ways a hymen could become broken, rough physical activity certainly being one of them. I cannot, however, make any claims to the state of Scootaloo's nor about her virginity. That is her business to talk about or not.
Oh man. Another great chapter, also hey, new to commenting on this site. I'm really interested to see where this goes, especially with how Rainbow just sort of affirmed her no like that. Hopefully it won't get in the way of her audition. I'm also a bit more than secretly rooting for Scootaloo and Will.
We do also have to mention the clear winner of this chapter, Spike, with no bad things happening to him or his relationships.
5686880 Thankya kindly, and welcome to the comment section! May luck shine on you so that all your experiences be nice! And yeah, Rainbow sure doesn't seem to return his feelings. Well, looking on the bright side it should at least make things a little less complicated for Will, right? He can worry less about a love triangle and more on what to do about Scootaloo, theoretically.
I'd been up and down about this story thus far and was withholding giving it a thumbs up, but the end of this chapter was too good to not thumbs up this story. The reactions, the sad awkwardness despite the desire for a return to normalcy, pushing friends into sharing information you shouldn't hear till later, etc., all of which is well executed. Good show ol' chap, good show.
As a side note I've also enjoyed how real you've depicted the parents of the ponies too. You went with personalities that were real rather than caricatures. Good on you for not just using them as a plot tool like so many stories end up doing. They exist because the ponies have parents, not just to drive the story one direction or another.
5686965 I know what you mean, I usually prefer to not rate a story until it's completed so I can judge it in its entirety. But I'm really glad I could win you over! Thank you so much for your kind words!
As for the parents, it's my belief that every character, no matter how small or insignificant in their role, has a story. They have a life and wants and dreams and fears and they've had a sequence of events that led them to where they are. And while I try to make a habit of knowing all this stuff about every one of them, you can only fit so much into one story before it becomes bogged down and unreadable. But yeah, Prism Bolt, Firefly and especially Flip Trick all have stories that I'd love to tell, but I don't know how much I'll be able to get to.
5686976 Okay, I'll admit... I actually looked this up. According to Wikipedia, they do. And yeah, I know far more about horse sex than I ever imagined I would.
When I started writing the first chapter of this story, it was supposed to be pretty mindless clop. I figured I would have a few chapters with a pathetic excuse for a plot to tie the sex together, but... somewhere along the way that changed. I would say I was about a thousand words or so from the end of chapter 1 and I suddenly wanted to write more. Next thing I know, Scoots is coming in to the scene and Will has a backstory and... well, here we are! Heheh, the more you know...!
5686935 Theoretically, but it doesn't seem like it'd be quite so simple, especially with how your writing is going. Scootaloo being RD's little sister and all, as well as maybe some inkling of an interest from Rainbow Dash. She did say she didn't want a relationship but that doesn't mean she might not have some feelings for him, or have an interest in him. I'd be really happy either way it ends up, I really like both Scoots and Rainbow Dash, I'm looking forward to how it turns out.
5696996 5697157 It might be obvious by now, but I love last minute reveals. Like, everything looks like it's fine and dandy, and then BAM! Downer ending out of nowhere! I'm cruel like that.
And I feel like it's only going to get worse before it gets better.
Man I went into this wanting mindless clop. I love a good story as much as the next guy, but porn is awesome. I finished the first chapter, and started the second to see where it would go, if there would be more clop. And while there was, i felt less need to fap because there was so much story going on that the sex scenes simply added to the story. Instead of the other way round. Came for the clop, stayed for the story. And now I'm eagerly awaiting the next chapter!! Never thought I'd see a GREAT HiE story that included sex. Im quite enchanted by this.
Really impressed by how you're threading this all together; Will occasionally seems just a bit needy, but it's never overdone, it's not at all hard to believe all things considered, and it's triggering some cool interactions with his leading ladies -- who are showing some real depth to their characters as you progress. Definitely looking forward to more of this one.
I've let slip a few times before that this was supposed to be a much more clop-oriented fic, and it was only towards the end of the first chapter that I started to really get into the story aspect of it, but I'm really glad I did! This has been a hell of an experience, and I feel like I've already learned a ton of things I can apply to the next story I write! So hearing people say they like it really makes all the effort so worthwhile!
As for the next chapter, well... It's coming along! I might have gotten a new subscription for WoW this last week and so I might have been a little distracted. It'll be out before the end of next week, though.
5710700 Thanks! You know, I'd never really thought of Will that way, but I can totally see it! He does seem to feel a little lonely, and so is clinging to the few friends he feels he has pretty tightly. Too bad Rainbow doesn't seem to like that as much as Scoots does!
Speaking of those two, I'm really glad to hear that you think that about them! I feel like I can get away with a lot more on Scoots's personality before I get OOC for her, seeing as how she's roughly 9 or 10 years older than in the show. She's grown up and changed a lot since then. With Rainbow, though, I'm constantly worrying about whether she's really acting like herself. I'm glad to know I'm at least mostly on track with her!
5711198 Oh now you're just being cagey I'm not convinced yet that your Dash likes Will's neediness any less than Scoots does, but I think there's plenty of evidence that she's afraid of it! We'll see how much she REALLY doesn't want to commit when Scoots goes in for the kill on Dash's squeeze...
And yeah I'd say your Dash extrapolations work great -- obviously we're seeing a side of her that the canon never addresses, but her attitudes toward relationships (and Will specifically) feel 100% like they complement her personality from the show. Definitely no wrong notes there!
5711242 Cagey? I have no idea what you're talking about...
But on the matter of Scoots... you may want to be on the look out for the chapter after next. We're going to have a bit of a breather while Rainbow auditions, then... Well, something may happen. Maybe.
eesh, this is starting to get complicated. good luck will!
That ending was soooo good. I want more and I want it now :(
Dayum.
That cliff hanger, for some odd reason is making me tear up. Huh.
The ending of this... I know them feels.
Not even one call of the void (l'appel du vide) when he was miles in the air, impressive.
Also damn you and your cliff hangers. I'll just be hanging here, on the cliff, the cliff you put me on, the cliff I am going to be on for a few days until the next update, JeremyStorm's cliff, the cliff of JeremyStorm. You monster.
Oh boy, here we go...
Man, great Chapter! Tensions are high, I hope it doesn't affect Rainbow's audition. It's funny how neither Rainbow nor Will suspect Scoot's crush on Will, even with Sweetie Belle hinting to it. This plot is literally eating me up like Derpy and muffins, I need more. So, godspeed my friend!
well.........
i got nothing..
here we go
ar2830.files.wordpress.com/2014/01/joker-here-we-go.jpg
Time changes people. Or ponies, in this case. Absence makes the heart grow fonder and stuff like that. One thing I learned from being basically the relationship adviser for my friends is that love blossoms from friendship.
I think you need to take a closer look at that last sentence.
Well fuck. Get your Wellingtons and your waders, kids, because now's time to wade up shit creek.
When the dust settles, nothing is gonna be the same anymore. And I'm not sure that is a good or a bad thing.
Although i really don't get Dash's reluctance to even get close to Will in any sense other than getting her holes plugged. Or his prolonged interest in her. It is gonna take a knife to the abcess to get it all out in the open and properly straightened out.
It would be so much easier if Rainbow actually explained her reasoning instead of her vague answers and reluctance. Without that, it's impossible to address the issue and put it to bed.
5684122
Seeing as Will enjoys Dash's company, and the various activities they get up to, is it really so hard to believe that he'd be very interested in her?
I always believe that most conflict in books and movies are a result of the characters not communicating with each other.
It seems like that cliché is about to die here.
Getting complicated sure, but at least Will seems to be taking this seriously and being honest now. Shows that he has some measure of maturity, and that he doesn't want to run from his problem. I'm looking forward to how this plays out!
5683369
5683401
5683512
5683584
5683802
5683833
5683874
5685556
Oh, the times they are a-changin'!
5683396
Next chapter's already in production, I'll have it along as soon as I can!
5683717
Give him a chance to be standing directly on the edge of a cloud, then we'll see if that happens. Curiously, I've never actually felt that sensation. Mostly because I'm too terrified of heights to ever have the chance.
Also, cliff-hangers are love, cliff-hangers are life.
5683806
Yeah, Sweetie was being really blatant about something, wasn't she? I can't quite put my finger on what it was, though... And wow, like Derpy and muffins, huh? That's a dangerous level of obsession there, mate. I recommend twenty cc's of dinkabetes to mend what ails ya!
5683949
I agree. Part of what makes a relationship work is enjoying being around the person you're with. And who do you usually like being around more than your friends? Also, thanks for pointing that out. Yeah, it should have been 'not interested,' but I generally get really lazy during editing, so...
5684122
5684440
5684605
Yeah, lack of communication is definitely a relationship killer, and I agree, it's way overused in media these days. However, it's also a very realistic issue that a lot of couples face. As such, I feel that is a problem that Rainbow in particular would have, but I really don't want it to be the primary point of drama in the story. There are reasons that she's holding back so much, and I hope it'll be all the more satisfying when things do finally come into the open.
5685428
There are a number of ways a hymen could become broken, rough physical activity certainly being one of them. I cannot, however, make any claims to the state of Scootaloo's nor about her virginity. That is her business to talk about or not.
5684605
I would say that not fully communicating is the trouble here.
i.imgur.com/19209Gb.gif
5686517
I love that gif so much.
Oh man. Another great chapter, also hey, new to commenting on this site.
I'm really interested to see where this goes, especially with how Rainbow just sort of affirmed her no like that. Hopefully it won't get in the way of her audition.
I'm also a bit more than secretly rooting for Scootaloo and Will.We do also have to mention the clear winner of this chapter, Spike, with no bad things happening to him or his relationships.
5686880
Thankya kindly, and welcome to the comment section! May luck shine on you so that all your experiences be nice!
And yeah, Rainbow sure doesn't seem to return his feelings. Well, looking on the bright side it should at least make things a little less complicated for Will, right? He can worry less about a love triangle and more on what to do about Scootaloo, theoretically.
I'd been up and down about this story thus far and was withholding giving it a thumbs up, but the end of this chapter was too good to not thumbs up this story. The reactions, the sad awkwardness despite the desire for a return to normalcy, pushing friends into sharing information you shouldn't hear till later, etc., all of which is well executed. Good show ol' chap, good show.
As a side note I've also enjoyed how real you've depicted the parents of the ponies too. You went with personalities that were real rather than caricatures. Good on you for not just using them as a plot tool like so many stories end up doing. They exist because the ponies have parents, not just to drive the story one direction or another.
5686144 Do horses even have cherries? I know way too much about horse sex but this.
Fantastic story still. From what I thought would be plotless sex is really becoming a fantastic read.
5686965
I know what you mean, I usually prefer to not rate a story until it's completed so I can judge it in its entirety. But I'm really glad I could win you over! Thank you so much for your kind words!
As for the parents, it's my belief that every character, no matter how small or insignificant in their role, has a story. They have a life and wants and dreams and fears and they've had a sequence of events that led them to where they are. And while I try to make a habit of knowing all this stuff about every one of them, you can only fit so much into one story before it becomes bogged down and unreadable. But yeah, Prism Bolt, Firefly and especially Flip Trick all have stories that I'd love to tell, but I don't know how much I'll be able to get to.
5686976
Okay, I'll admit... I actually looked this up. According to Wikipedia, they do. And yeah, I know far more about horse sex than I ever imagined I would.
When I started writing the first chapter of this story, it was supposed to be pretty mindless clop. I figured I would have a few chapters with a pathetic excuse for a plot to tie the sex together, but... somewhere along the way that changed. I would say I was about a thousand words or so from the end of chapter 1 and I suddenly wanted to write more. Next thing I know, Scoots is coming in to the scene and Will has a backstory and... well, here we are! Heheh, the more you know...!
Sounds about right.
5687068
Not exactly what Will meant, but I'll allow it. That's a good one!
5686063 ill give chu a poised cookie and the antidote ciase i hate you for that and love chu for that ending
5686935 Theoretically, but it doesn't seem like it'd be quite so simple, especially with how your writing is going. Scootaloo being RD's little sister and all, as well as maybe some inkling of an interest from Rainbow Dash. She did say she didn't want a relationship but that doesn't mean she might not have some feelings for him, or have an interest in him. I'd be really happy either way it ends up, I really like both Scoots and Rainbow Dash, I'm looking forward to how it turns out.
5687308
5687311
I really like Scoots and Rainbow, too. Scoots is definitely in my top four CMC. I think I'm just as excited to see how things go!
Forehead, allow me to reacquaint you with my desk. Repeatedly.
5687064 Fuck yeah now I can write 1% more effective knowing that, because goddamit we know too much about pony pussy.
5687897
I couldn't help myself with that one. Sorry!
5688250
Now now, you can never know too much~! Knowledge is power, I've heard.
We're cool...but we ain't good
5688994
Such a sad state to be in, isn't it?
Damn... Heavy...
5696996
5697157
It might be obvious by now, but I love last minute reveals. Like, everything looks like it's fine and dandy, and then BAM! Downer ending out of nowhere! I'm cruel like that.
And I feel like it's only going to get worse before it gets better.
5697446 good. Makes for a good story.
5707951
Yeah, right? I had no intention of hiding that part, haha!
Man I went into this wanting mindless clop. I love a good story as much as the next guy, but porn is awesome. I finished the first chapter, and started the second to see where it would go, if there would be more clop. And while there was, i felt less need to fap because there was so much story going on that the sex scenes simply added to the story. Instead of the other way round. Came for the clop, stayed for the story. And now I'm eagerly awaiting the next chapter!! Never thought I'd see a GREAT HiE story that included sex. Im quite enchanted by this.
Really impressed by how you're threading this all together; Will occasionally seems just a bit needy, but it's never overdone, it's not at all hard to believe all things considered, and it's triggering some cool interactions with his leading ladies -- who are showing some real depth to their characters as you progress. Definitely looking forward to more of this one.
5708855
Thank you so much!
I've let slip a few times before that this was supposed to be a much more clop-oriented fic, and it was only towards the end of the first chapter that I started to really get into the story aspect of it, but I'm really glad I did! This has been a hell of an experience, and I feel like I've already learned a ton of things I can apply to the next story I write! So hearing people say they like it really makes all the effort so worthwhile!
As for the next chapter, well... It's coming along! I might have gotten a new subscription for WoW this last week and so I might have been a little distracted. It'll be out before the end of next week, though.
5710700
Thanks! You know, I'd never really thought of Will that way, but I can totally see it! He does seem to feel a little lonely, and so is clinging to the few friends he feels he has pretty tightly. Too bad Rainbow doesn't seem to like that as much as Scoots does!
Speaking of those two, I'm really glad to hear that you think that about them! I feel like I can get away with a lot more on Scoots's personality before I get OOC for her, seeing as how she's roughly 9 or 10 years older than in the show. She's grown up and changed a lot since then. With Rainbow, though, I'm constantly worrying about whether she's really acting like herself. I'm glad to know I'm at least mostly on track with her!
5711198 Oh now you're just being cagey I'm not convinced yet that your Dash likes Will's neediness any less than Scoots does, but I think there's plenty of evidence that she's afraid of it! We'll see how much she REALLY doesn't want to commit when Scoots goes in for the kill on Dash's squeeze...
And yeah I'd say your Dash extrapolations work great -- obviously we're seeing a side of her that the canon never addresses, but her attitudes toward relationships (and Will specifically) feel 100% like they complement her personality from the show. Definitely no wrong notes there!
5711242
Cagey? I have no idea what you're talking about...
But on the matter of Scoots... you may want to be on the look out for the chapter after next. We're going to have a bit of a breather while Rainbow auditions, then... Well, something may happen. Maybe.