This is more than I thought it would be. I'm actually really interested in finding out more about Will and what seems to be a questionable past. Maybe it's homesickness. Maybe it's something else. Maybe it tethers into how he made it into Equestria in the first place.
Props on giving Will a backstory at all. It would have been so easy just to leave him as an Anon.
5546363 Your assessment was quite spot-on; this fic, while not especially stand-out in terms of originality, is certainly entertaining and well-written. It is more than what it seems at first glance. Also, I like your art, dude. Do keep up the good work!
Heheh you completely caught me off guard with the opening dream sequence. :P All the evidence was there, Dash drinking wine in a dress and being romantic, but all your descriptiveness pulled me in enough to where I didn't realize it was all a dream until it was written before my eyes. Like how you seemed to go very descriptive with the dream sequence feels like there was more word play than usual, kind of giving it a vivid dream feeling in hindsight.
But my true favorite part of the beginning was what you did with carrot top . You made a pretty unique and awesome feeling character out of a background pony that has no real established personality. Her dry humor and snarkiness was pretty interesting and I love how you cant really put a finger on if she's pissed, joking, happy, or a little of everything. Carrot tops a pony i really don't have any feelings toward. She didn't really catch my eye designwise in the show and she doesn't really have enough content to know what her personality is like but I feel you did her justice and Id love it if she was actually like that in cannon. You really made a unique feeling character with just her dialog and few mannerisms alone, when you could have taken an easy route and just made her a friendly little pony that likes carrots. Really loved the entire scene with her talking to Will about falling asleep and her anniversary.
More Scootaloo gold with the flying scene , actually the first fic Ive read where she actaully gets to fly one day and its pretty magical to read about her flying next to Dash and having such a great time. Found this whole section super feely and adorable, and was hoping Will had a poleroid style camera so he could show them the pictures right then :P really hoping the pics come up somewhere later on in the fic just seems like a super easy omg too cute moment. A lot of fics have Scootaloo as a very tragic figure and though I like it at times since it makes her upbeatness even feelier, I have to say I like how you have her in a pretty happy light, parents back home, finally getting to fly after tons of hard work training with Dash, getting to spend time every week with her role model, and just keeping that lovable excitedness and determination that really makes her stand out in the show. Also like how you've managed to show a lot of parallels between her and Dash while still holding on to her individuality. They both have that love of showing off and looking cool but Scoots is far more humble and quirky than her big sister. Have to say so far your Scootaloo is my fav thing in the story, like its all good but its like getting to see all the things you wish they'd eventually do with her in the show in your fic. Cant wait to see her show off on her scooter later for Will .
Although I personaly couldnt relate as much to Will's awkwardness at dinner over thinking back to his sister I do think it was an interesting touch to add a bit more complexity to the mix. A part of me just wanted him to tell scoots a little story or maybe even make something up just to make her happy but its reasonable that it would be a touchy topic. Also the weaving in and out of the waitress saving the day whenever things were getting close to being tense was a nice touch that played off really well.
Lastly the closing with Dash basically inviting herself over to spend the night was awesome. I really love the style you've given her as a do what I want, live for the moment kind of pony. Personally have always found a chick that's willing to just say what she wants to be hot as shit instead of the endless games and beating around the bush in the name of acting lady like .
Been really impressed with everything so far. I ussually find myself really liking 2/3 of a chapter in most fics and having at least one section thats kind of a drag to get through to get to the good stuff. So far everything has felt in place and purposeful. And im assuming things but if my assumptions are correct I really like how you allude to future chapters ahead of time. Like this one obviously sets up that Dash is coming over in the next one but also that a few chapters down the road your going to have Will going over to Scootaloo's house. Makes it extra easy to want to push on since it gives you like a goal beyond the next chapter. Which always helps for me cause I get readers fatigue pretty fast. Gotta get to the Scootaloo scooter scene
Oh and PS. Noticed one typo while reading through. 'At least the building had no billboard or anything of the sort on its front. It actually looked hardly different than any of the cottages in the town, mind included.'
This is more than I thought it would be. I'm actually really interested in finding out more about Will and what seems to be a questionable past. Maybe it's homesickness. Maybe it's something else. Maybe it tethers into how he made it into Equestria in the first place.
Props on giving Will a backstory at all. It would have been so easy just to leave him as an Anon.
5546363
Your assessment was quite spot-on; this fic, while not especially stand-out in terms of originality, is certainly entertaining and well-written. It is more than what it seems at first glance. Also, I like your art, dude. Do keep up the good work!
*Wonder's if story is updated yet...two chapters?*
I saw the words "Rainbow" and "dress" in one chapter with no buildup or context. I knew it had to be a dream. XD
Interesting, stories a little tense. He is like walking on eggshells around them at the moment.
This Chapter gives me the feels
https://fc03.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2011/218/7/2/simply_happy_spitfire_by_theparagon-d45mgl1.jpg
Heheh you completely caught me off guard with the opening dream sequence. :P All the evidence was there, Dash drinking wine in a dress and being romantic, but all your descriptiveness pulled me in enough to where I didn't realize it was all a dream until it was written before my eyes. Like how you seemed to go very descriptive with the dream sequence feels like there was more word play than usual, kind of giving it a vivid dream feeling in hindsight.
But my true favorite part of the beginning was what you did with carrot top . You made a pretty unique and awesome feeling character out of a background pony that has no real established personality. Her dry humor and snarkiness was pretty interesting and I love how you cant really put a finger on if she's pissed, joking, happy, or a little of everything. Carrot tops a pony i really don't have any feelings toward. She didn't really catch my eye designwise in the show and she doesn't really have enough content to know what her personality is like but I feel you did her justice and Id love it if she was actually like that in cannon. You really made a unique feeling character with just her dialog and few mannerisms alone, when you could have taken an easy route and just made her a friendly little pony that likes carrots. Really loved the entire scene with her talking to Will about falling asleep and her anniversary.
More Scootaloo gold with the flying scene , actually the first fic Ive read where she actaully gets to fly one day and its pretty magical to read about her flying next to Dash and having such a great time. Found this whole section super feely and adorable, and was hoping Will had a poleroid style camera so he could show them the pictures right then :P really hoping the pics come up somewhere later on in the fic just seems like a super easy omg too cute moment. A lot of fics have Scootaloo as a very tragic figure and though I like it at times since it makes her upbeatness even feelier, I have to say I like how you have her in a pretty happy light, parents back home, finally getting to fly after tons of hard work training with Dash, getting to spend time every week with her role model, and just keeping that lovable excitedness and determination that really makes her stand out in the show. Also like how you've managed to show a lot of parallels between her and Dash while still holding on to her individuality. They both have that love of showing off and looking cool but Scoots is far more humble and quirky than her big sister. Have to say so far your Scootaloo is my fav thing in the story, like its all good but its like getting to see all the things you wish they'd eventually do with her in the show in your fic. Cant wait to see her show off on her scooter later for Will .
Although I personaly couldnt relate as much to Will's awkwardness at dinner over thinking back to his sister I do think it was an interesting touch to add a bit more complexity to the mix. A part of me just wanted him to tell scoots a little story or maybe even make something up just to make her happy but its reasonable that it would be a touchy topic. Also the weaving in and out of the waitress saving the day whenever things were getting close to being tense was a nice touch that played off really well.
Lastly the closing with Dash basically inviting herself over to spend the night was awesome. I really love the style you've given her as a do what I want, live for the moment kind of pony. Personally have always found a chick that's willing to just say what she wants to be hot as shit instead of the endless games and beating around the bush in the name of acting lady like .
Been really impressed with everything so far. I ussually find myself really liking 2/3 of a chapter in most fics and having at least one section thats kind of a drag to get through to get to the good stuff. So far everything has felt in place and purposeful. And im assuming things but if my assumptions are correct I really like how you allude to future chapters ahead of time. Like this one obviously sets up that Dash is coming over in the next one but also that a few chapters down the road your going to have Will going over to Scootaloo's house. Makes it extra easy to want to push on since it gives you like a goal beyond the next chapter. Which always helps for me cause I get readers fatigue pretty fast. Gotta get to the Scootaloo scooter scene
Oh and PS. Noticed one typo while reading through.
'At least the building had no billboard or anything of the sort on its front. It actually looked hardly different than any of the cottages in the town, mind included.'
Still no idea why Rainbow would leave and not take Scootaloo with her after movie night.
"a lettuce and tomato sandwich for Rainbow"
But tomatoes are poisonous to equines, didn't you know?
Well, they're technicolor, talking, miniature horses, so I guess there's a difference.
5882152
Considering Twilight tends to pile ketchup on her hay fries and burger, I wouldn't worry too much about that
5956201 i.imgur.com/6KUFxKr.jpg
5971061 We can never be friends now thanks a lot.
Awwww, that bit with Scoots is fracking cute as shit XD
Egads man, you've made me smile a lot.
5971061 I put ketchup in my mouthhole, then throw in some fries :P
6263974 I occasionally like to have fries with my salt...
7114654 I thought I was the only one!
5551129
Ahem-
Correction-
They can make Rainbow Dad's name whatever they want, ye fecking buzzkill.