• Published 12th Oct 2014
  • 20,626 Views, 1,660 Comments

You Can't Spell Slaughter Without Laughter - Tatsurou



The Ghost of Sparta has his hands full raising the Element of Laughter.

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This is Your Brain On Pinkie

Pinkie Pie smiled as her Daddy finished adjusting to the Efreet magic inside him by using it to slaughter a dozen or so more Persian soldiers, having enjoyed watching as she both snacked on popcorn and used the Efreet's stray flames to pop more when she ran out. Before long, though, the gates onward opened up.

"Yay! More adventure!" Pinkie bounced happily towards the right gate, only to backpedal as she saw what - and who - was on the other side of the gate. "Daddy, I think this adventure is for you," she said, getting behind him and pushing him forward.

When Kratos saw what Pinkie was pushing him towards, he hesitated, though Pinkie couldn't figure out why. "Pinkie...maybe we should..."

Then Pinkie understood. "It's okay, Daddy!" she said, pushing him into the room. "Have fun with the naked ladies. I'll go have fun with the men outside." Turning, she gave him a light hind-hoof-boot on his rear to push him into the room so the naked ladies could 'thank' him for saving them.

Meanwhile, she bounced outside onto one of the walls of the city, seeing Persian soldiers swarming. "Oh boy, fun time!" She bounced along happily, much to the confusion of the Persians around her. One of them attempted to attack her from behind. She countered by lifting a hind hoof to drive the spear she suddenly gripped in it into his crotch, then used that point of leverage once he bent over to kick him in the head with her other hind hoof. The force of her strike snapped his neck, and nearly took his head clean off. She then reversed her movements until she had all four legs on the wall beneath her again.

For some reason, all the Persians gave her a wide berth after that. She couldn't really make sense of why, though. Didn't they want to play, too? Seeing one Persian climbing over the edge of the wall, she raced towards him with a dagger clenched in each hoof and her mouth. "Fun Time!" she proclaimed as she rushed towards him.

Screaming in terror, the Persian leapt off the siege ladder he'd been climbing. "Oh! This might come in handy!" Her intentions thus declared, Pinkie grabbed hold of the siege ladder, visualized rapidly tapping circle to flex her muscles, and lifted the siege ladder from its moorings. After shaking off the Persians still clinging to it, she then stuffed it into her mane.

At this point, all the other Persians on the wall had fled, either by running out one of the gates or leaping off the sides, and they left a second siege ladder abandoned. "Hmm..." Walking over, she lifted the second ladder. "I don't think I'll ever need two...oh well!" Shrugging her shoulders, she hurled it over her shoulder.

She spun as she heard the basilisk cry out. Apparently, her carelessly thrown siege ladder had driven into its side and stuck. "Oh, there you are!" she cried happily. "Daddy will be proud if I take you out! Now how will I-arbalest!" Rushing over to the siege weapon, she turned it to position to fire...only to see the basilisk had fled. "Aww...well, I can probably find somewhere else to fire it from." Once again using her mental exercise to flex her muscles beyond the limits of her physical body, she lifted the arbalest from its wall mounting and stuffed it into her mane.

In the past, Pinkie Pie would have never have been so blatant in her manipulations of the laws of physics, and have made sure there was some logical explanation for what she did and how she did it. However, her Daddy had indicated that her abilities were hardly out of place here, and it was in fact her attempts to explain them that seemed out of place. As such, she stopped bothering trying to explain how she did things, mostly because she wasn't entirely certain how she did them in the first place. This had made things much simpler, and she found more and more things she could do that defied physics and common sense, as long as she never asked 'how'.

As she turned to go after the basilisk, however, Pinkie Pie paused. "You know," she murmured to herself, "this isn't nearly as much fun as I thought it would be. I mean, I knew it would be easy, but I never expected it to be so monotonous. I gotta think of a way to spice up combat...maybe a new weapon?" She reached into her mane, and pulled out an unusual sword. "A sword? How is that different from the daggers?" Waving the sword, she saw it split into numerous sections that waved with her movements like a whip. "Ooohh...nifty!" Swinging it over her head, she bounced forward, cutting down any Persian that approached her, along with a Cyclops that leapt onto the platform at a bad angle and got instantly beheaded by the spinning blades. "I hope whoever made this won't miss it for too long."


Isabella Valentine stared down Inferno, the demonic manifestation of the spirit of the two swords which had been the center of the conflict that had consumed her world. She knew she was ready. She had fought long and hard to reach this point, and knew that she would not lose. She reached to her side to draw her living sword...

And found herself gripping an arbalest. Glancing down, she saw a notecard stuck to it.

Sorry I'll bring it back later thank you!
Pinkie Pie

She stared in bewilderment at the impossibility beside her. However, as she had no other options, when Inferno began his assault, she fired.

The massive arrow launched forward as the energy of warped reality - and something else aglow with blue light - infused the blazing shaft, and it pierced through Inferno's defenses to embed itself in his core, where it discharged a flood of power. The explosion was blinding, and when it faded all that was left were ordinary metal fragments...all that was left of two mighty weapons that had warped the world around them, now completely cleansed of every last vestige of their power.

"...I need a drink."


Pinkie Pie continued to bounce her way happily through the city in pursuit of the basilisk that she and her Daddy were supposed to kill. However, it continued to flee from her, much to her amusement and frustration. Eventually, she reached a half a bridge jutting out from the city towards a cliff face on the opposite side of a gorge. "Hmm...did it go this way?" she asked as she dropped the gate behind her.

As she walked out onto the bridge, however, the gate opened behind her again. "Pinkie!" Kratos bellowed.

Pinkie Pie turned and saw her Daddy stomping towards her. He did not look happy. "Daddy?" she asked, concerned and confused. "Didn't you have fun with the naked ladies?"

"I did...until I left their company to find you nowhere in sight!" he growled. "I had to search the entire city for you!"

"But..." Pinkie whimpered. "But I said I'd be having fun with the men outside..."

"Which is why I first checked for you amongst the defending soldiers, only to learn they hadn't seen hide nor hair of you!" he growled.

Pinkie blinked. "But why would I play with them? Only bad guys give me any points." She figured that was self evident.

"Yes," Kratos replied, the growl still deep in his voice. "I figured that out when I saw the trail of corpses, property damage, and terrified deserters."

"So it's not so bad?" Pinkie offered.

"You were supposed to stay close!" Kratos barked, obviously furious.

Pinkie blinked, having never expected to see him angry with her. However, seeing the basilisk clambering over the wall behind him, she gulped. "Dad-"

"I may be your father, but I am also your commanding officer!" Kratos continued. "You aren't to go running off like that unsupervised. Is that cle-"

"Daddy, the basilisk!" Pinkie yelled, pointing over his shoulder to where it had reared up and opened its jaw wide. "It's gonna-"

Reaching into Pinkie's mane, Kratos pulled out a buster sword with which he beheaded the basilisk without even turning around to face it. "Don't interrupt!" he commanded, though Pinkie wasn't entirely sure if he meant her or the basilisk at this point.

"Yes sir," Pinkie said quietly.

"From now on, unless specifically ordered to go elsewhere, you are to stay in sight of me at all times. Is that understood?" Kratos glared down at her as he proclaimed this.

"yessir..." Pinkie mumbled in reply.

Kratos' face softened. Kneeling down, he pulled her into a tight embrace. "I've already lost so much, Pinkie," he whispered. "By my own hand, or from my own mistakes...and that loss haunts me every day. I can't lose you, too." Over the years he'd trained and raised her, Kratos had grown fond of Pinkie, taking the role she had proclaimed as his quite seriously.

Smiling, Pinkie Pie returned the embrace. "I love you, too, Daddy," she said softly.

At that exact moment, the sun suddenly flared brightly, and then fell out of the sky to crash into the ground many miles away.

Pinkie stared at the spectacle. "Is...is that normal?"

Kratos opened his mouth to reply, then looked carefully at Pinkie for a time, and his face softened again. "No, Pinkie, it's not normal."

"Did Helios fall asleep at the wheel or something?" she asked curiously.

Kratos shrugged his shoulders. "No idea..."

"How about we go check it out then?" Pinkie suggested, grinning hugely.

Kratos shrugged. "I see no reason why not," he replied, and the pair began their long run towards the impact site.

Author's Note:

Please use Pinkie Pie responsibly.