Having Fun Storming the Castle
After a brief sojourn through the Sewers of Athens - which caused no problems for the trio - they made their way out of the city and into the Desert of Lost Souls. As they entered, Kratos discovered some difficulty seeing through the sandstorm that covered the desert. "Stay close to me," he ordered his daughters.
"Okie Dokie Lokie!" Pinkie replied happily, falling into step beside him.
"What's wrong, Father?" Calliope asked from her seat on her equine sister's back.
"The sandstorm makes it quite difficult to see," he explained. "I don't want anyone getting lost-"
"I can see just fine, Father," Calliope replied.
Kratos smiled. "Then you take point," he instructed. "Guide us through the desert."
"Wish we could be guided through a dessert," Pinkie complained. "It was bad enough getting sewage in my mane and tail, but now sand in my mouth? P-tooie! I'm not normally finicky, but I need a bath badly. Pretty sure I stink to Olympus!"
"I would not know," Calliope replied. "My armor doesn't have a nose."
"I can't smell you over my own stench," Kratos admitted. "I, too, hope we find our way to a river or lake soon."
"Hope we don't offend Athena," Calliope commented, pointing to a statue. "She probably has instructions for us."
As they approached the statue, it was infused by the goddess's essence, and she spoke to them. "Kratos, the journey forward is perilous, but one you three must complete if you are to have any hope of saving Athens."
"The Oracle spoke of Pandora's Box," Kratos replied. "Can it be real?"
"The box exists," Athena replied. "It is the most powerful weapon a mortal can wield." She paused, glancing towards Pinkie, who had become distracted by some gold dust mixed in with the desert sand. "Though between you and Olympus," Athena whispered, "we are unsure how well that applies to Pinkie. Some of us are not entirely certain she qualifies as mortal."
Remembering how Pinkie had seized one of the spiked war hammers from the minotaurs in the sewers and then proceeded to swing it rapidly up and down like a crazed carpenter while strange music played from nowhere, her swings causing the monsters she hit to go flying about the sewers, bouncing off the walls erratically as they broke apart, he nodded in agreement. He wasn't entirely sure where Pinkie fell in the mortal/immortal spectrum either. "And with such a weapon," he added, returning to the original subject of the discussion, "we could defeat Ares?"
"With the box, many things become possible," Athena replied.
Kratos turned to glance at Pinkie.
"No, even the box cannot fully explain the capabilities of your equine daughter," Athena interpreted his gaze. "Still, given its power, it is hidden well, far across the Desert of Lost Souls. There is safe passage, but only those who hear and follow the siren's song will discover it. You must find the sirens, Kratos. Only they can guide you to Kronos, the Titan."
"A Titan lives?" Kratos asked in shock.
"Are we supposed to fix that?" Pinkie asked. "I mean, we already had to rechain Atlas. Well, Daddy did, Calliope and I were handling Persephone at that point." She gasped. "Does this mean we get to try tangling with a Titan this time?"
"Nay," Athena countered. "Kronos is the last Titan in the land of the living, and he is serving his punishment as assigned by Olympus. Zeus has commanded him to wander the desert endlessly, the Temple of Pandora chained to his back, until the swirling sands rip the very flesh from his bones. Stay true to the song of the Sirens-"
"Wait!" Calliope interrupted. "Kronos is huge, right? Large enough to have a Temple chained to his back, right? I mean, we did see how big Atlas is. So, wouldn't the falls of his hands and feet shake the ground?"
"Yeah!" Pinkie said happily. "We don't need to follow the sirens! We can just follow the shakes!"
"The part of the desert where Kronos wanders is blocked by a gate that only the siren's song can open," Athena explained. "And only by opening the gate can you find your way through the swirling sands."
"But I can see through the sandstorm," Calliope mentioned. "I can even see the gate right over there!" She pointed to the gate off in the distance.
"So how about we each corral us a siren and meet up at the gate?" Pinkie suggested. "Then we can figure out how to make them open the gate!"
Kratos nodded. "Be careful, both of you."
As the three dispersed into the desert, Athena stared through the eyes of the statue. "...I wasn't finished..." Spying an apology cupcake at the foot of the statue, she snatched it up before it was contaminated by sand, devouring it rapidly.
Pinkie and Calliope had little difficulty snatching up two of the three sirens in the desert. Calliope merely grabbed hers by the throat and dragged it to the gate. Pinkie led hers there with a cupcake as bait before sitting on it. As they waited for Kratos, however, an ethereal Siren shape flowed into the gate, and one of three crystals became illuminated.
Shortly thereafter, Kratos came up, looking frustrated. "I was...unable to corral the siren," he explained. "I was forced to kill it."
Blinking, Pinkie turned to Calliope. Nodding, they promptly slew their sirens, Pinkie with a knife across the throat, Calliope by breaking its back. The two spirits flowed into the gate, the crystals illuminated, and the gate opened, sliding down into the ground.
Pinkie grinned widely. "Let's go!" she cried, bouncing happily through the gate. Kratos and Calliope followed. After passing through the small, temple like structure behind the gate, the trio came to a large horn before a mass of shifting sand. Blowing the horn caused a path to open through the shifting sand, leading the way forward.
At the end of the path, another horn was visible, but a sudden storm of sand made it vanish. Three sirens arose from shadows, plainly intent on avenging their fallen sisters. The fight didn't last long, however, as Calliope had learned how to throw her purloined massive battle ax like a discus in a manner that would cause it to return to her, much as the minotaur she'd taken it from had. The sweeping path bisected the three sirens even as they were screaming their battle cry. "Don't they ever shut up?" Calliope demanded in frustration.
The sand swirled again, and the horn was once more present. When Kratos blew the horn, Kronos could be seen in the distance, the massive structure of the Temple rising from his back. As he approached, the true dimensions of both Titan and Temple became more and more clear. He didn't even seem to see them as he walked by.
"So...how do we get up there?" Calliope asked.
"Whee!" Pinkie cried out, swinging happily from one of the chains hanging from the Temple.
"I guess we climb," Kratos suggested.
"Alright," Calliope replied. Leaping out, she seized another swinging chain. "Whee!" she cried happily as she swung.
Kratos blinked, then sighed. Leaping out, he seized a third hanging chain. "Whee..." he drolled in his dull monotone, before beginning the three day climb to the Temple.
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...I can't help but hear GLaDOS in my head when you mentioned the monotone "Whee"...
That last line
Nothing like a dry monotone sound.
Body Burner: "So, you three think you can conquer the temple of the gods, do you? It's never been done you know."
Pinkie: "There's always a first time, right? Have a cupcake."
Body Burner: "... What do I do with it?"
Pinkie: "You eat it! Duh!"
Kratos: "I'd do as she says. Such a culinary marvel is a sad thing to waste."
Body Burner: "I... appreciate the gesture, but I have long since lost my ability to taste. I was the first to attempt to conquer the temple, and the first to fail. As punishment, the gods brought me back... somewhat, and forced me to tend to the other mortals who fall to the traps and monsters inside."
Pinkie: "So... you can't even enjoy a cupcake?" *starts tearing up* "That's so sad..."
Body Burner: "I am sorry, my dear. I do appreciate the offer, though."
Pinky *upon getting close to the titan's face, tosses a cupcake into his mouth*: "Hi there!"
Kronos *feeling much happier than he has for a long long time*: "I'm on my way, I'm making it..."
High in Olympus:
Zues: "He's supposed to be suffering, not singing..."
Hera: "Surely this little reprieve will pass, dear."
Zues: "Maybe so, but now I want one of those cupcakes as well."
5753820
Hera: You already had two. One when you gave them Lightning, and once when you were digging that grave. I want to know when I'm getting one.
5753914
Zeus: "Oh, um... I hadn't realized you noticed the Grave Digger bit... I'm sure that they'll come across one of your temples soon enough?"
Hera *glares at Zeus*
Zeus: "I mean, how about we arrange for you to be the advisor for one of the next available statue posts?"
5753748 Eeyup. Pinkie needs to teach him how to "WEEEEEEEE!!!"
5753592 *heavily autotuned voice* liKe tHiS?
5753748 MAUD PIE!
Whee...
5754199 Exactly
5754356 STRAIGHT MAN!
Looks like cupcakes are the new ambrosia.
5753778
Sad -_-
5754724 Unless Pinkie Pie's cupcake is that good.
Oh! he smiled! he actually smiled!
and the sand is too thick for Pinks to see it.
Another fantastic chapter well done!
LOL, Kratos, you need to get excited more boi~
I half expected a Tarzan joke here, but oh well.
Yeah, not that possible, son. That's beyond our paygrade.
Truly, a goddess of wisdom.
I kinda feel sorry for that poor siren. Pinkie should give her a ghost cupcake. I mean, who baits someone with pastry and kills them before they can eat it?!
7154508 meh.
6300119 Yep! Yep... Anywhoo, I get a feeling Kratos might be a second-hand Maud Pie if she had angst, anger, and pride as primary emotions.
"But why isn't Applejack or Kratos crying?"
"They cry on the inside!!!"
"Sure do."
Kratos: "Every night for countless years."
I always suspected Pinkie was a Swinger.
Don't ask I'm not even sure Discord knows.
That made me laugh lol
8648419
Ha. Even the gods themselves are confused.
Why is it only now that I wonder about the sanity of putting the Element of Laughter, who is also a reality warper, into a game with massive gore and apparently debauchery?
When does Pinkie even have the time to make them and how many does she hide in her mane.
9050699
...Are you actually trying to apply logic to Pinkie Pie...? That, my friend, is an exercise in futility. Logic and reason cannot begin to fully explain the Pink One.
...But, considering things, she probably makes them in the downtime between bouts of adventure and training, then stuffs them in her mane for safekeeping, so I would wager she always has at least a baker's dozen. It'd befit her personality and habits to keep some stocked for "cupcake emergencies". One sensual guarrantee is that Pinkie is always thinking.
.....You got KRATOS to WEE!!!!!
6300119
It still wouldn't count because Pinkie didn't cause it.
7376124
What episode is that quote from?
9182592
It's the episode where Rainbow Dash is upset about Tank hibernating.
With the video now gone, what was it supposed to sound like?
11131756
Smash hammer music.
"...they proceeded to run around, shouting 'NEE-NURR NEE-NURR NEE-NURRR!' The three shook their heads in bafflement."
Define "strange music."
(No, seriously. The link is dead.)
11491784
Smash Bros hammer melody