You Can't Spell Slaughter Without Laughter

by Tatsurou

The Temple - Part Dream

When Kratos walked over to step through the hole in the massive doors, he was suddenly decapitated without warning. Fluffy and Leonidas screamed in shock.

"Father!" Calliope wailed.

"Daddy!" Pinkie bawled.

Deadpool stepped through the hole over Kratos' corpse. "Who's your Daddy now, bitches?" he asked. "That's right, it's Deadpoo-"

Pinkie interrupted Deadpool's self aggrandizing introduction by using the Blade of Artemis to behead him. "Bad cameo!" she scolded.

"Well this sucks," Stuffy murmured in Wayde's head.

"And not in the dirty fun kind of way!" Crazy added.

Seeing that Calliope was still upset, Pinkie picked up Deadpool's severed head. "Look Calliope!" she exclaimed. Pulling out a staff, she stuck one end into the severed neck. "I made a puppet!"

As Calliope giggled, a voice called out, "Hey!"

A white skinned figure with yellow eyes, green markings on his forehead, a black all-covering robe with red edging and a red gemstone in the center of his chest, sauntered forward.

Richard pointed a clawed finger at Pinkie. "That's my schtick!" he accused. "I even had a song about it!"

"But that song was a parody," Pinkie pointed out. "You can't claim copyright on the lyrics. Besides, we're in Ancient Greece. Copyright law doesn't even exist yet!"

Richard stared at her for a time. "I like you already."

Calliope looked sadly at Kratos' dead body.

Pinkie smiled winsomely up at Richard. "Will you be our new Daddy?"

Richard glanced between the two of them speculatively. After a time, he scooped Pinkie up over his head. "For Pony!" he proclaimed happily.

-----------

In order to better help Pinkie and Calliope adjust to being his daughters, Richard took them back to Athens, disemboweled Ares, hung him by a noose of his own disconnected entrails, and wrapped the other end around the back of Helios' chariot. As Helios wasn't actually doing anything to Ares, Zeus' rules regarding the gods making war on each other didn't apply, and so Ares was consigned to be dragged around behind the sun by his own entrails eternally as punishment for flaunting the will of Olympus and conspiring to overseat it.

Calliope used Deadpool's puppet head as the first of many in a macabre puppet show, following in Richard's footsteps for crazed slaughter.

When Richard raised Kratos as an undead citizen of his township, 'Pretty Pretty Unicorn', Pinkie was forced to exclaim, "This is the strangest day of my life!"

"You realize it's the first of April so none of this is actually happening, right?" Richard pointed out to her.

---

Pinkie Pie awoke, curled up in Fluffy's legs. After eating, they had all decided to take a brief nap before continuing their explorations. Remembering her insane dream, Pinkie frowned. "I thought that egg salad looked funny," she proclaimed.

"Back hephalumps!" Kratos proclaimed in his sleep, swinging the Blade of Artemis over his head. "You will not steal my honey!"

Comments

[SunsetSketch]

Kratos, you silly old bear...

[NightshimmerEclipse]

I remember Hephalumps, I've even got the movie, it was a good movie, GOOD CHAPTER O3O

[Dirty Bit]

Kratos the God, Kratos the God
Slaying every monster in sight, his name is
Kratos the God, Kratos the God
The undisputed God of War~!

[Awesomedude17]

I was wondering where the April Fools joke was.

[Sylif Daring Doo]

WHAT THE FUCK!?

[Silver Page]

5811990
"Daddy, you got your chain-blades stuck in the wall again!"
"Oh, bother..."

[the other sans]

Back hephalumps

1. Hephalumps or Heffalumps?

[Tatsurou]

5812473
Honestly, I have no idea since it's a made up word as far as I know anyway.

[the other sans]

5812481 Funny, I Googled it and the first result was those imaginary elephants from Winne The Pooh.

[Tatsurou]

5812509
That's exactly what it is. I have no idea which spelling is correct, though. But since it's a made up word, I don't think it matters.

[Scarlet_Firesong_Wolf]

"Back hephalumps!" Kratos proclaimed in his sleep, swinging the Blade of Artemis over his head. "You will not steal my honey!"

Hephalumps...Its always those bastards....

[Ether Space]

5815820 Oh dear... I never meant to imply that Deadpool wasn't a deep character.
Just probably not the right one to raise her as a father figure.
Granted, Kronos isn't really the right father figure for her either, but at least the two play off of each other well.

[Tatsurou]

5815848
Actually, technically Kronos is her Great-grandfather in this case, since Kratos is a son of Zeus, who's the son of Kronos.

[Ether Space]

5815858 My bad. I spelled Kratos wrong.

[Philosophysics]

5811990 Promptly disembowels the hephalump and little kid's dreams.

[GuardianofRoin]

FINALLY! a fic that featured Richard from LFG! Been wondering where that undead bastard was hiding here.

[Nightmare Loopy]

5813084

Winnie ze Pooh ref

[redsopine]

5815858 ment to post earlier nice work referncing the tecnoligicale tecnicoloured tocnomare

[xluferx]

I didnt get the reference at the last part :\

[Terran Knowledge]

6043514 winni the pooh

[Cookie_Girl]

.... HA!

[Dustchu]

"Back hephalumps!" Kratos proclaimed in his sleep, swinging the Blade of Artemis over his head. "You will not steal my honey!"

omg, Kratos, you goober XD

[The Pyropath]

~A Heffalump or Woozle
Is very
Confusel.
The Heffalump or Woozle's very sly
SLY
sly
sly.
They come in ones and twoosels
But if they
So choosels
Before your eyes you'll see them multiply
PLY
ply
ply.
They're extra-ordinary
So better
Be wary
Because they come in every shape and size
SIZE
size
size.
If honey's what you covet
You'll find that
They love it
Because they'll guzzle up the thing you prize!~

[Starcat5]

What in the name of...

*Backs out of chapter and checks publication date.

...oh...

[cotas]

Richard pointed a clawed finger at Pinkie. "That's my schtick!" he accused. "I even had a song about it!"

WHAT SONG IS THIS!!!!! I NEED TO KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Tatsurou]

7007660

[Jake Witt]

5812514 "Heffalumps" is the actual spelling.

[jwizard]

What.

[everyskyborn]

6471927 i sung this in my head the same way they did in the movie...... god i had a great childhood.

[Omega C]

OKAY THIS BRINGS A VERY SERIOUS QUESTION!!!!
Tats will you do a looking for a group PWNY Verse cause I think Starlight or Sombrya would be a good choice

[Just Defender]

6043514 Deadpool and Winnie the Pooh.

[fractalman]

"Back hephalumps!" Kratos proclaimed in his sleep, swinging the Blade of Artemis over his head. "You will not steal my honey!"

Wait, there's a MOVIE about them? *adds to watch list*

[Naturefang]

8412460
THAT MOVIE IS FUCKED UP!
Like legit nightmare file for young kids fucked up...

[Orphan]

8892219
What movie?

[jwizard]

8955902

Winnie the Pooh.

[LEGION55]

8412460
I remember watching that as a kid!!!!! The video not the movie.

[Animatorsnake]

Wait is Kratos having a Winnie the Pooh dream?!

[PactOfSkyranger]

Richard glanced between the two of them speculatively. After a time, he scooped Pinkie up over his head. "For Pony!" he proclaimed happily.

I always knew Richard Ashendale would say it in such context in my life.

One regret down.