Hot or Not
As the trio continued through the city, they battled Medusa at Aphrodite's direction. The battle proved incredibly easy, as Medusa's instincts were to target the smallest foe first...which just so happened to be Calliope. Her claws bounced off Calliope's armor, and her stone gaze had no effect on a spirit. Medusa, confused that her assault had no effect, continued to assault only Calliope, leaving herself wide open to Kratos' and Pinkie's attacks.
After Aphrodite bestowed her blessing on Kratos, granting him the ability to wield Medusa's gaze, Pinkie spoke to Aphrodite while Kratos was testing it out. "Say, Aphrodite," she said curiously, "you're the goddess of love, beauty, sex, and all that, right?"
"Pleasure and procreation, yes," Aphrodite corrected.
"So you're the one who's in charge of things like physical attraction, right?"
"That side of things is tended to by my son Eros," Aphrodite pointed out. "I do work with him to determine the rules, however. Why do you ask?"
Pinkie scratched her ear. "How does it work?"
"Everyone in the world is geared to find different things attractive," Aphrodite explained. "There are some generalities, but everyone's tastes are different. In this way, no matter how one develops, somewhere there is a selection of someones that find one attractive from which a proper mate can be selected."
"Wow," Pinkie replied in amazement. "That's...that's pretty deep."
"What brought this question on, Pinkie?" Aphrodite inquired.
Pinkie sighed in resignation. "Well, Sis has been talking about how some of the guys we rescue are cute, and Daddy plainly is attracted to a lot of the women we rescue, but I just don't get it. And my only romantic encounter so far is Zephyros, but he gets scared whenever I get lovey-dovey. He seems to only want to be friends. I like being friends, but..." She shook her head. "I just don't get it."
Aphrodite smiled. Leaning towards Pinkie, she whispered, "The reason Zephyros and his brothers flee when you flirt is because it is a mark of shame amongst stallions to not show arousal around an attractive mare...and they desire to keep their relationship a secret."
Pinkie blinked. "Wait, you mean they're-" Her eyes widened, and she blushed. "Wow. That's...that's kinda hot."
Aphrodite smiled indulgently. "But why do you desire to know how human attraction and desire works?"
Pinkie shrugged. "Well, I kinda wanna talk boys with Sis, but we'd be talking completely different boys. I mean, she's talking humans, I'm talking colts...feels like there'd be some awkwardness of conversation."
"Not always," Aphrodite said playfully. "When you have time, look into some of the stories of Zeus' exploits..." She chuckled. "But in the meantime, you could always ask Calliope about what she finds attractive, and then talk about that."
Pinkie's eyes lit up. "That's it! Thanks Aphrodite!" She gave Aphrodite a cupcake in gratitude.
Aphrodite eagerly snatched up the treat, plainly eager for her chance to try the delicacy as word of it had obviously spread around Olympus. Her presence faded as she moaned rather expressively from the taste.
"Daddy! Sis!" Pinkie called out, racing over to them as she pulled out a scroll and quill. "Can we do something as we continue through Athens?"
Kratos put Medusa's head away as he turned to Pinkie. "What is it?"
"Well, I kinda want to understand how attraction works a bit better for humans," she explained, "and what you two in particular find attractive. So as we continue through Athens, each time we rescue a civilian, I want you to rate the females Daddy, and you the males Sis, on a scale of 1 to 10."
Kratos and Calliope looked at each other for a time, then shrugged. "Sure," Calliope agreed.
"Why not?" Kratos relented.
As they continued, clearing the path completely as they went, each time they reached a civilian who was still alive - which due to their speed, happened quite frequently - Kratos would rate the females, and Calliope would rate the males, and Pinkie would take notes.
"Hmm...she was a 7," Kratos said as the first woman raced back to the boat.
"Maybe a...four?" Calliope offered as a much older man rushed off.
"Solid 5," Kratos stated as an older woman rushed by.
"Ugh, 2," Calliope said as a balding fat man puffed away.
"Hmm...she was a nine," Kratos commented, his eyes following a rather voluptuous girl just entering the full flower of adulthood. She paused in her running to turn back and wink flirtatiously at her rescuer, causing Pinkie and Calliope to giggle.
"Hubba hubba, 10!" Calliope said, the blue orbs that were her eyes turning into pink hearts.
"AHHHH!" the 10 screamed, turning and fleeing back towards the boat in terror.
As Calliope sighed sadly, Kratos gave serious consideration to decapitating the young man for so hurting his daughter's feelings. He eventually decided against it. One, Calliope probably wouldn't like it. Two, it had been a long time since he'd actually killed a human when there wasn't need. He wanted to keep that going, if only for the example it set Pinkie and Calliope. He dealt with his irritation by knocking a statue down instead.
After a brief illusionary message from the Oracle of Athens, Kratos spoke up. "I'd say she'd make a solid 8." With that and the giggles it spawned from his daughters, they continued to the road to Athens.
As they entered the Road, they could plainly see Ares off in the distance, laying waste to the defending armies. Kratos and Calliope did their best to ignore the rampaging God. Pinkie, however, stared up at the god in anger. This was the one who had caused Daddy such pain. This was the one who sent Sis to the Underworld. This was the one who brought such pain into the world.
"Pinkie!" Kratos called back. "Keep up!"
Turning, Pinkie raced to catch up to her family. However, one thought burned in her mind.
Ares would pay.
After a rather uneventful journey through the outskirts of Athens, rescuing and rating several civilians in the process, Pinkie was beginning to get a sense of what each of her family members found attractive. Compiling her results, she went over what she'd determined.
Kratos appeared to appreciate females who were physically fit; had pleasant, unmarked faces; large breasts; and a shapely rear. Oddly enough, most females they encountered - especially the well off - tended heavily towards the chubby, although that wasn't to Kratos' tastes. As best as she was able to determine, amongst most Greeks, that the larger frame was a sign of wealth, as only the wealthy could afford to eat enough to put on weight. In the case of Spartans, however, men and women were put through intense physical training, so the only places fat might gather in a Spartan woman were in her breasts or rear, the former more likely than the latter. Obviously, as a Spartan Kratos was geared to be attracted to other Spartans through generations of selective breeding for physical prowess.
Calliope's tastes focused more on youth. She preferred men who were clean shaven as opposed to those who grew beards. She also preferred physical fitness to girth, and a preference more towards overall fitness as opposed to the heavily muscled look some soldiers went for. She also apparently found battle scars exciting, but not on the face.
According to her data, Kratos and Calliope were Spartans, geared to be attracted to other Spartans, or at least those who were Spartan-like. While not very surprising results, they were quite informative.
Having reached these conclusions, Pinkie began the next step of her research. As they rescued each civilian, she attempted to predict what Kratos and Calliope would rate them. Since she didn't want either of them trying to give her false encouragement when she was actually mistaken, she merely jotted down what she thought their ratings would be. Out of 15 rescued civilians of each gender, she was dead on with 11, and only off by one or two up or down on the remaining four.
During the course of the study, they also encountered a few new varieties of monsters that served Ares. The massive Cyclopes were easy to deal with, as Calliope proved rather adept at launching her gauntlet out to rip their eyes from their heads, which killed them instantly. The blade armed wraiths that burrowed through the ground were slightly more difficult, but Pinkie found that yanking them out of the ground solved most of the issues, as well as leaving the wraiths confused long enough for Kratos or Calliope to bisect them. Gorgons also proved easy to deal with, as one swing of Calliope's sword severed their heads from their necks while Pinkie or Kratos held their attention.
She was feeling rather pleased with her understanding of human attractiveness, at least in terms of what her Daddy and Sis liked, although she still didn't see humans as attractive to herself. Not that she saw that as an issue. Filing away her happy results, she smiled as they continued across Athens' rooftops.
After a brief detour where Pinkie traded Zeus a cupcake for giving the three of them the power to throw lightning bolts, they continued on their journey, using the lightning to electrify the lever a young man who had been holding pulled, causing him to release it and extend the bridge he'd been holding closed against them out of fear of the monsters, his cowardice dropping his from a 6 to a 3. Zeus had proved to enjoy cupcakes nearly as much as Aphrodite.
After further journeying, they spied a woman Kratos recognized. "Oracle!" he called out.
She turned to face him. "Kratos! Praise Athena you've arrived!" The monsters she'd turned away from lunged for her. Two harpies nearly grabbed hold of her, but javelins thrown by Pinkie and Calliope took them down before they could drag her off. The trio quickly crossed the broken bridge to her side.
"Come on!" Pinkie interrupted her before she could speak. "Let's get to somewhere safe before we talk. We'll protect you, don't worry!"
The Oracle nodded. "My Temple. Once it is cleared of monsters, it will be safe from further intrusion."
In agreement of a course of action, the group progressed to the Temple, quickly clearing it of the harpies and other monsters that had nested there which charged out upon their arrival. Pinkie managed to keep the Oracle safe during the fight by the simple expedient of putting her on her back. After the fight, they progressed towards the Temple.
As they approached the Temple, a scratchy laugh startled them. "Good my boy, good," an old man said as he climbed out of a pit. "Athena has chosen wisely, I knew it was so."
"Who are you?" Kratos demanded defensively, placing himself between the old man and his daughters.
"So you have the-"
"He's definitely a one, right Calliope?" Pinkie asked.
"Definitely," Calliope agreed.
"Show some respect for your elders, and a poor gravedigger," the old man scolded.
"Sorry," Pinkie apologized. Pulling out a cupcake, she started to hand it to him as an apology, but paused. "...have I given you a cupcake before?" she asked.
The old man glanced back and forth. "...no..."
Pinkie stared suspiciously at him for a while, then smiled. "Okie dokie lokie!" She quickly handed him the cupcake, which he just as quickly devoured.
"Who is this grave for?" Kratos asked curiously.
"Why, you, Ghost of Sparta," the old man said as he finished the cupcake. "And possibly the others, though doubtful. Either way, with luck I'll have it complete before you have need of it." He chuckled softly. "All will become clear in time. But don't worry, when all seems lost, I will be there to help."
Mightily disturbed, Kratos quickly escorted his daughters away from the old man, rushing into the Temple after the Oracle.
After completely clearing out the Temple, the group adjourned to the courtyard behind it to talk. Seeing the Oracle was slightly out of breath, Pinkie quickly arranged a comfortable seat for her. "Here, rest first, then we'll talk." She then pulled a glass of wine and a cupcake out of her mane, pressing them on the Oracle. "Have a drink and a snack."
As the Oracle ate and drank, she looked down at Pinkie with a conflicted expression. "Why must the Oracle's Bane be so thrice-damned likable?" she asked absently.
"Oracle's...Bane?" Pinkie asked sadly.
"It is the term the Oracle's have for you, Pink One," the Oracle explained. "For some reason, our foresight is blind to the influence you exert over the course of events. For ones who make our place supporting our society by reading the future, that is both frustrating and dangerous."
Pinkie kicked her hoof at the ground. "Sorry I do that," she whimpered. "I don't mean to...whatever causes that."
The Oracle sighed. "I don't genuinely believe it is your fault, especially not after knowing you now. You would not deliberately harm others without reason."
"Several dozen Persians in Hades might debate that," Kratos teased, causing Pinkie to giggle and wave her hooves at him playfully.
After the Oracle had recovered - Kratos and Pinkie took the time to eat food Calliope had brought with, stored in the chest compartment of her armor - they received their instructions on how to fight Ares.
Go through the gates to the desert. There begins the path to Pandora's Box, the only item with the power to kill a God.
With those instructions echoing in their minds, the trio proceeded to the desert.
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Kratos: "A titan lives?!"
Pinkie: "Hey, wanna try going 2 for 2 in fighting titans, Daddy?"
Oh, hell, I am just imagining Pinkie Pie with a third of Pandora's box powers.
5741907 ...................Zeus help us all.
5741907 I wouldn't be surprised
5742689 the fourth wall is the....wait...you mean it was utterly obliterated, didn't you?
I is smart. S-M-R-T
The power to kill a god, uh?
Ares has to face the wrath of pinkie gone psycho. He should probably explode himself a la Firey Joker before she gets there, for she is a particioner of the forbidden toretures... The ones that hades couldn't stomach...
5742430 HA! Zeus don't got shit on Pinkie!
5743063 Maybe?
5741631 SMASHING TITANS!
TITAN FALL GOT NOTHING ON THESE THREE!
5744637 PINKIE PIE!!! THE GODDESS OF LAUGHTER AND CUPCAKES AND BRUTAL MURDER!!!
EVEN KRONOS (titan lord, Zeus's daddy) IS FRIGHTENED OF HER!!!
5743039 Same here.
5746903 Heh. Everything I know about Greek Mythology is from Percy Jackson.
5749166 And I got my knowledge from reading everything from Athena to Zeus. Beat that.
5749399 I can't. :o(
5749737 Imma still be friends with you.
5749877 Okay lol.
Wait... How the heck did I miss this and the next chapter? I call bollocks on the feed again...
Thanatos?
5749399 encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQkLvVHZgVOgdoJt6GnOsmxpk4zLHMaEJi5wiLmycosoa-ixs73hA
hmm... that makes a lot of sense!
Freaking epic sauce chapter, nice work.
Spike: Can you do that? Can you bestow twice?
Probably the first major mistake I've caught in your stories...not bad!
Edit: Also, Pinkie's cupcakes...they are so tasty, even gods can't resist their allure!
5882281
It has been many a year since I played the first game, but wasn't the Gravedigger actually Zeus?
5882281
Considering that you made a query, this might be a better one to use.
i2.photobucket.com/albums/y36/ShyRangerSMRPG/EyeSeeWhatYouDidThere.jpg
6588403 Wikipedia sucks; Wikia is awesome. Yes, the Gravedigger is Zeus. ...which seems unfair since he got TWO cupcakes.
And suddenly, Ares stopped his rampage for a few seconds as he felt an involuntary shudder go up his spine.
Wait… ooooh, now I got it.
On my third time reading this. I'm either too innocent for the internet or just really dense. Also, slight error here.
Oracles. Getting the plurals and possessives mixed.
That made me think of a quote from Diaries of a Madman, "It's like an Angel came in my mouth"
7417517 I still don't get it.
7606583 From what I gather, they're gay, and possibly in a relationship with each other. Maybe.
7621917
I have learned too much now.