Keen Observation has it tough being a detective,having to search day and night for missing ponies,or looking for the perp to a crime.
In this story he must find the cutiemark crusaders and their captor.
Chapters (3)
- Member Since 8th Jun, 2014
- offline last seen Dec 6th, 2020
Toxic Charm
Thank you to everyone who reads my stories,comment,and favorite. I appreciate all the support.
Toxic Charm
Joined 8th Jun, 2014 ·
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Your title's misspelled. Your grammar needs an overhaul.
Story aside, there are a lot of grammar errors that pop up a lot throughout the story, along with some strange sentence choices. The weird one is your capitalization problem: especially in the first chapter, 'or' got capitalized in the middle of a sentence a lot, and in the second, the main character's name, Keen, didn't get capitalized. Other examples of this are spread around the story.
I can't really judge how interesting the story will be just yet, since there are only two chapters so far, but it seems promising enough, although I think you could benefit from slowing down between leaving the office and examining the treehouse: it's a very fast transition that could benefit by breaking the text up using a horizontal rule or some other transition.
So, yeah: promising but will benefit from improvement. At the very least, you should fix the capitalization problems.
5475681 Thank you for bringing the issues to my attention. I am working on the capitalization Issues and the transitions.
May i ask what a horizontal rule is?
5476923 A horizontal rule is a way of separating two bits of text. Whilst you're editing your story on FimFic, there's a button along the top of the toolbar that looks like a horizontal line. It's between the 'add link' button and the 'outdent paragraph' button. If you can't find it, you can also just type in [ hr ] (without spaces) in your text whenever you want one. It'll end up looking like this:
i.imgur.com/VsLEH.jpg
It's just a convenient way to separate out two elements of text. I always get a lot of use out of it. When I started I just did this:
***
Which works as well but isn't as straightforward as pressing a button. You can even use horizontal rules in comments:
In any case, good luck!
5476968 Ohhhh that's how. Thank you so much the last week I was trying to figure out how that's done!
Thank you for the help :)
5475592 i plan on an overhaul over the week on all my stories, plua a few small edits and additions