After many months of mayhem happening in the Big Apple, Twilight and her friends are in need of some well deserved rest. They get that chance with the Grand Galloping Gala coming up in Canterlot. When Twilight receives two tickets to the Gala, some of her friends have already received their tickets, save for Blossomforth and Trixie. With two of her friends not having their own tickets, they start to compete to win Twilight over and win the prize for her other ticket. Will Twilight be able to chose which of her friends will go, or will they both drive her insane?
Set in the Manehattanverse
Chapters (4)
Remember, it's nopony, not nobody...
A couple of spelling mistakes and missing speech marks, but still good!
An interesting turn around that most of the cast already have tickets so it looks like it's going to be Blossomforth vs Trixie in the battle for the ticket, unless Twilight gives them both them and doesn't go herself making them both feel bad.
5062652
It's up to the conscience of the individual author. The show has made the mistake itself a couple of times, too.
5063201
But it's also for the good of the creator to learn from his mistakes as well. I admire you backing me up.
5063530
I've pointed out the pony/body thing a couple of times in the past, and some have said that it's simply a stylistic choice (like whether you write Applebloom or Apple Bloom, or if you render AJ's accent phonetically, etc). So. I usually don't comment on it any more.
Interesting idea of focusing on two characters rather than five as in canon. Gives more time to focus on their arguments rather than spread it out between more, which would be repetitive. (Also, I've never seen a writer successfully illustrate a Benny Hill-style chase in writing, so maybe, just maybe, we'll avoid that.)
Writing criticism: Break up your paragraphs. Never ever have more than one speaker in the same paragraph; it's confusing and distracting.
Ah actually see a spot in here where ya wrote "nopody" twice. Just a heads up, ya might wanna fix that one.
5063942
How ya spell character names isn't a stylistic choice. "Applebloom" is incorrect.
5102505
One that Hasbro and IDW have made plenty of times.
5104464
Hasbro makes a lot of mistakes in their merchandising, up to and including identifying Granny Smith as Applejack's daughter. A mistake is a mistake, even if it's made by a professional typist, but spelling is not subjective. Apple Bloom is correct, Applebloom isn't.
5131505
I agree with you, but so many authors make the mistake that I just don't care enough to point it out any more.
5131586
Heh. Ah s'pose the only way ta do anything is leadin' by example.
5131832
And then, you have to deal with all the people who write "Apple Jack", "AppleJack", "Sweetiebelle", etc ...
5131839
5131832
I'd really respect if you continue this conversation privately as I don't want the comments section spammed thank you.
Sorry it took me a while to comment. I was busy with other things.
But hey, I like how Trixie and Blossomforth are taking this maturely rather than the provocative and aggressive approach from the show itself. It shows just how much they value not only Twilight's friendship, but each other's as well.
Well, none of them are in for a good morning right now, are they?
Tense trouble. This chapter keeps flip-flopping from past tense to present and back again. You need to stick to one or the other.
6910422 Thanks for letting me know, I was working on this with little sleep at the time.
6910422
It's a writing problem that GH seems to frequently have with his first drafts.
Well I have read the entire story. Although good story and I enjoyed every minute of it. I think that the conflict could have been better if it had been between Daring Doo and Trixie. Why may ask?, Simple the one thing that bothered with the cannon show version is that Celestia knew Twilight had 5 friends, so why only give 2 tickets?
Your story has the same weak plot device. However it could have been solved if the ticked had been addressed to daring Doo rather her alias. The idea could be that Daring Doo already had been entitled to a ticked because she's kinda a celeberity so Celestia didn't saw the need to give her one if she already was given one. But because off her alias identity the mail pony simple couldn't find the location. This way there would be enough the tickets but no pony was aware and the entire conflict could be played out.
However this is just minor nitpick and overall like I said I enjoyed the entire story so I give it 7 out of 10.
Damn, this is going better than Ticket-Master. Nice seeing a smaller focus.
Good ending. :)
I can only see that as going wrong if the original canon has anything to say about the Grand Galloping Gala.
I could see this as a rivalry starting between Blossomforth and Trixie, which does make it different from canon. I could also see this concept implementing aspects of the Iron Pony competition between AJ and RD in Fall Weather Friends.
Based on how that letter was written, it sounds like Honey Do knew that both of them would make an attempt for the tickets at the same time.