Big Mac and the shy filly
written by jasper101202
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I like this fic and felt this was a really nice chapter. I would say maybe go more into their feeling during their, first time, but beyond that I really like how this is going.
FlutterMac is awesome...
Pretty good a few spelling errors and the such also like the previous commenter said try to add some emotion to their first time other wise good
610502
I'm sorry for the misspelling. What words were incorrect as far as spelling goes?
Giggity giggity giggity goo!!!!
google.com/imgres?hl=en&biw=1366&bih=645&gbv=2&tbm=isch&tbnid=QHKs5vCu_Mzh9M:&imgrefurl=http://oh-puhleez.blogspot.com/2010/09/giggity-giggity-goo.html&docid=tlGUNTspivKSvM&imgurl=http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_nN2_1huTkeg/TIdIcjLNgcI/AAAAAAAADbY/nBY5340Mvw8/s1600/Glenn_Quagmire_4987694848dc1.jpg&w=600&h=600&ei=dJa3T5yJHcis2gXHlNmkCQ&zoom=1
Whoah. Surprise buttseks.
Not that I'm complaining but you could go into so much more detail there. I mean about the emotions and all....
630484 It wasn't butt sex
I like this pairing, now I down for almost any pairing but something about these two just....spark in me, ya know? Other then some spelling and grammer errors and it seeming to be a bit rushed, I mean they did not even cum together and her hymen did not even break it was......very well written, I suggest you correct your errors and slow down your writing a bit, make it more detialed if possible, explain on both sides their love, not lust for one another....I'll seriously be waiting for more.
Would you mind putting a bit of Spike/Twilight romance in there as well? Hoping to see more of this awesome pair and I'll be looking for other stories of this pair as well, keep writing your doing very well.
HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM...
Weeeeeelll... I don't like it....
I lov-
Nope, not going to do that.
I just like it.
That's it.
A few spelling things, but still good.
But I can't give it a favorite, the pacing... way too rushed... and that would have been an emotional time, you could have done so much more with how they felt...
607479 oh hey Deathsylar I didn't think id find you here lol
1062315 Didn't know you were here either. Prepared to watched and Favorited!
1062529 oh no don't do that!!! :)