• Member Since 16th Apr, 2012
  • offline last seen Mar 22nd, 2019

jasper101202


I'm 18, soon to be enlisted in the US Air Force.

Comments ( 15 )

I smell eeeeeestuuuuus!:duck:

That's a very strange thing Rarity is doing with letters and presents. However you hardly mentioned anything about the ponies being anthropomorphic except for the part about Rarity changing clothes behind a folding screen.

am I the only one that thought she was rushing into this too hard? it's almost as if she's only doing this as a one-time-fling, rather than the love he's wanting... but I might be overanalyzing it

This was a quite interesting story. Though there was a lot of sexual tension and lust involved. Not that it is a bad thing I am guessing this is a PWP and usually those are great. I read other comments and if this is an anthro story I think you should explain that further because I wasn't in the impression that it was until reading the comments. Other than that this story is great :twilightsmile:

cutie marks.Spike could... Needs a space after the period. There were a few other mistakes with needing a extra enter here and there as well.

Onto the story, it could have used more build up, but I understand wanting to get to the "good" part. There's some repetition, mostly in Spike's thoughts.For instance you used snow white and flank twice within three sentences. A different description like furry and a synonym ass, rear. butt, posterior, whatever sounds the best, etc would have been optimal. Overall, it's not bad by any means and I'm looking forward to more.

Aside from some grammar issues and repetition in some lines, I think this story looks good so far.

Rarity, you naughty mare.:raritystarry:

Shit ... Rarity is in Heat!!! I call it!!! Carefull Spike!!!

This appears to me that Rarity is having those thoughts that says "I want to be a mommy, and I want Spike as the daddy".......either that, or she's just really horny. :raritywink::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::raritywink:

Can't go wrong with either...as far as financial, both Spike and Rarity can handle a kid....and what would happen once Twilight comes back? I have a weird feeling that somehow, Twilight's coming home early....

Rarity's in heat. Oh. Shit. Well, Spike, your balls aren't going to be felt for a little while LOL

A solid concept and reasonable execution. A little more editing for grammar and flow and you'll be all set :trixieshiftright:

Are you going to continue this story?

Continue.

So it's an Anthro Tag?

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