A Familiar Meal
Rarity and Pinkie Pie approached Zecora’s hut.
The zebra had invited them over for dinner. Apparently, she had gotten a hold of some food that was delicacy for zebras, and wanted to share it with friends. She had come to the conclusion that the two of them would truly appreciate the meal.
Zecora greeted them at the door, letting them in and taking them to the hut’s dining area. Rarity and Pinkie sat down at opposite sides of the table, making themselves comfortable.
“Thank you so much for inviting us Zecora” Rarity said.
“Yeah, I bet these zebra treats are the best aren’t they?” Exclaimed Pinkie, her usual smile on her face. “What are they anyway? Special zebra cupcakes? Special zebra candy? Special zebra muffins?
Grabbing a box from underneath the table, the zebra returned their smiles and explained “Not exactly, they’re not normal treats, but I’m sure you’ll find their taste rather neat.”
She set the box down on the table, placing her hooves on the lid as she prepared to open it. “I haven’t had them since I left home; they are quite rare in this new abode.”
Rarity’s curiosity was piqued. She wondered what could possibly be so rare here in Equestria. After all, it’s economy was full of many imports and exports, so wouldn’t Zecora be able to easily get some of these delicacies?
“I was able to catch these this previous spring, and once again my taste buds sing.” The zebra said, lifting the lid off the box and exposing its contents.
Rarity frowned in confusion. Catch them? But she could of sworn tha-
Rarity and Pinkie Pie gasped as they looked down into the box and the terrified creatures within.
-
Fall Gust shaded his eyes as light shown down on him and the others once again as the lid of the box was taken off. The zebra wasn’t alone this time. Instead, she had a white unicorn and pink earth pony with her. Apparently he and the other Breezies were going to be shared with her friends.
They had been on their way home, having to leave behind a small group of Breezies who had been knocked off course by leaf, leaving them in low spirits. Their path took them through the Everfree Forest, and right into the cruel zebra.
The Breezies found themselves all caught in a net, and were soon transferred to different boxes. Fall Gust watched as the zebra sampled her catch, swallowing down a few breezies like pieces of food.
They could no longer even speak, her having force-fed them a potion that robbed them of flight and speech. They might as well just be little morsels, destined to meet their fate in the zebra’s stomach.
Fall Gust opened his mouth in a mute scream as hoof came down on him. He squirmed as he was lifted out of the box, the hoof’s grip too powerful for him to break free. He was before the massive zebra’s lips, shivering in fear as his fate unfolded.
The lips parted, the zebra’s tongue emerging, darting towards the Breezy’s body. He closed his eyes as it came in contact with him. She licked her little treat, her tongue running up his body, leaving him coated in saliva. He could hear it making a wet sound as it continued, making repeated swipes at him, the zebra treating him like a lollipop.
Suddenly, he felt her teeth at his back. She had closed her mouth right around him, taking him off her hoof. His tail stuck out of her mouth, soon sucked in as well like a strand of spaghetti. The mouth got work right away as Fall Gust was pressed against its roof, his saliva-soaked body squeezed under immense pressure. He could hear the zebra making sound of pleasure as she sucked on him like a piece of candy.
The Breezy suddenly felt a sensation of suction as he was pulled to the back of the mouth. He pulled through an opening, the pressure on his body increasing immensely as he was swallowed. The throat’s walls all pressed at him, working him down the zebra’s gullet. He was soon freed, falling down into the pool of acids below.
-
Rarity watch in muted horror as Zecora rubbed her belly, having just swallowed a Breezy, of all things! She wondered how the zebra could do something like that to another sentient creature. She was still licking her lips, making “mm” sounds while the poor thing was surely starting to be digested in her stomach.
Zecora pushed the box more towards the middle of the table, gesturing to her guests “Now that you see they taste so good, please try one if you would.”
“Bu-” Rarity was cut off as Pinkie Pie reached in and plucked out a Breezy herself, plopping it right in her mouth and getting to work.
-
Spring Breath attempted to scream as she was thrown into the pink pony’s mouth, still silenced by the zebra’s potion. She landed with a sickening *PLOP* on her tongue, the light immediately cut off as the teeth clacked shut and she was batted around by the wet muscle.
The poor Breezy was suddenly deafened as the pony said something, presumably to the zebra, her voice blaring out all around Spring Breath as she wrestled with the tongue. She was being pushed around the mouth, pressed against the roof and squeezed like a lozenge, swished around in the cheeks and held between teeth like a piece of hard candy, all the while the pony was making sounds of pleasure, truly enjoying her treat. Light was repeatedly allowed into the mouth, the pony not even bothering to eat the Breezy with her mouth shut.
Spring Breath found herself immobile, all motion coming to a halt as she was held under the tongue, like a foal hiding gum from a teacher. The pony’s moans of pleasure reached a crescendo as she squeezed and squeezed the Breezy, swallowing down the saliva that been flavored by the living treat.
She was suddenly thrown into the light again, and felt air against her fur. She was lying against the tongue, it being stuck out of the mouth. She was being shown off, like a childish foal showing off chewed food. Spring Breath saw the other two, the zebra was watching in cruel fascination with a smile on her face, while the white pony was watching in horror. The white one gave her a bit of hope, maybe a few of the others would make it, but that hope was soon turned into despair as she noticed a tiny bit of drool running down the pony’s lip, licked away subconsciously. There was no hope after all
The Breezy was suddenly thrown up into the air, the pink pony having thrown her up with her mouth. She free fell right back down into the gaping maw, passing the teeth and tongue and landing right in the throat. There was a final deafening *GULP*, and the pink pony had finished her treat.
-
Rarity, unaware of her own drooling, watched in horror and fascination as her friend swallowed down the Breezy. She had about the same reaction as the zebra, making “mm” sounds and rubbing her belly.
“Wow! Those really are delicious, Zecora!” Pinkie exclaimed, giving a big smile towards the box, licking her lips in anticipation for the next one.
Zecora turn to Rarity, pushing the box expectantly towards her “Please try one Miss Rarity, they are good as you can see.” She even picked one out for her, placing it on the table, the creature shivering in fear as it looked up at the white mare.
Rarity poked at the Breezy, it flinching away at her touch. “But they’re living, sentient beings. They’re just like tiny ponies! How could you eat them?” She asked incredulously.
“Oh come on, Rara!” Pinkie exclaimed “Do you really think Zecora would tell us they’re food if they were really just like ponies?” She picked out one herself, playing with it between her hooves. The poor thing squirmed in her grip, pressed between them. She placed it down, swatting at it with her hooves and chasing it around the table.
Zecora merely smiled at Rarity “Bugs are small, and they are too. They are not like me and you” She informed her, snatching up a Breezy and giving it a few licks.
“Yeah, and besides” Pinkie chimed in again “They taste really good, just like food! Real ponies don’t taste so good!” She suddenly brought her own Breezy up to her mouth, giving it a good long lick. “They’re small like food and they taste like food, so they must be food!” She began playfully biting at the creature, snapping her teeth in the air around it, just close enough for it to hear the *CLACK* of each bite, and for it to see its own reflection in them.
Finishing up on her Breezy, Zecora slurped it into her mouth, swallowing it down with an audible *GULP* “The food chain cannot be fought; such a thing is a silly thought.”
Rarity looked back down at her Breezy. They did have point, why would anything like a pony be so small and tasty? She realized that she was drooling a little, her mouth salivating as she watched her friends devour the tiny morsels. She swallowed some of the saliva down. “I guess I could try just one”
She set her head down on the table, placing her muzzle in front of the Breezy and her hoof behind it. Rarity opened her mouth wide, pushing the little Breezy towards her maw. She stopped just before it actually entered. She still had some reservations.
Zecora frowned. Not realizing the real reason why Rarity stopped, she figured she would help her get the Breezy to enter itself, thinking that was the mare’s plan. She reached over, placed her hoof on the Breezy and pressing it into the table. “If you do not go in, then under my hoof you’ll meet you end.”
The Breezy squirmed beneath her hoof, terrified. Though it could not actually understand her, it got the message. Once she took her hoof off of it, it got moving.
Rarity shivered a little as she felt the tiny being take a few steps on her tongue…
-
Evening Breeze entered the white pony’s mouth. The tongue made a squishing noise with each step. The entrance was closed shut behind, a sense of vertigo filling him as the pony sat up.
For the moment, the pony did nothing, only letting him sit in her humid mouth. He thought he might have a chance of surviving, since she seemed to be a little unwilling.
Suddenly, this thought was cut off as he heard a soul-crushing sound.
-
“Mmmm”
Rarity made a sound of pleasure as the Breezy’s flavor hit her taste buds. “Oh my, you two were right!” She exclaimed, suddenly squeezing the little morsel as she began sucking on it. “They’re absolutely scrumptious!”
She felt the Breezy squirm around, adding to her pleasure. It felt amazing on her tongue. The delectable little treat was soon banging on her teeth, only to be pulled back and pushed in her cheek as she sucked on him like candy.
Rarity squeezed the morsel into every crevice of her mouth; anything to make sure the taste would last. Soon however, the Breezy was devoid of taste, having had it been all squeezed and suck out by the mare. She began to tilt her head back.
She felt the Breezy latch onto her tongue to prolong the inevitable, but a quick flick dislodged it and sent it into her throat. She felt it squirm as she worked the muscles contained in her neck, the wonderful struggles giving a delightful feeling going down. She used her hoof to trail the movements down through her chest, following it until there was sudden release, and she felt something solid splash in her belly.
Rarity gave her belly a good rub while licking her lips, anticipating the next taste as she reached for another Breezy.
The night progressed on. The three friends feasted on the “zebra delicacies” as they chatted about recent events. Zecora would just give her Breezies a few good licks, before taking them into mouth and giving a quick swallow. Pinkie would often toy with her, playing with her food before it went down her gullet. The Breezies who went to Rarity would spend extended periods of time being violated by tongue as savored their taste.
Zecora even shared some ways that the little treats could be eaten. “They’re a good topping on food to munch, and they also have a wonderful crunch.” She said, licking her lips with her tongue, which seemed to have grown a darker shade of pink.
Pinkie nodded, her mouth full “Yeh, theshe wud go gred bakd inta shom cupcaks!” She said, salivating at the thought of delicious Breezy cupcakes. The morsel in her mouth managed to break through her lips, only to be sucked back in and gulped down.
Rarity giggled at the thought of dipping the Breezies into some chocolate, licking it off every inch of their bodies before sending them down her throat.
Soon, the box had been emptied, the Breezies all digesting in their stomachs. Zecora placed it to the side, taking two more boxes from beneath the table and giving them to the ponies.
“Here, for the road.” She said “You can each have a supply of your own.” giving away the boxes’ contents.
“Are you sure?” Rarity asked, placing her hooves on her box’s sides.
Pinkie chimed in “Yeah, we don’t want to take all your Breezy treats!” She picked up her own box, shaking it up a little bit to give the occupants a scare.
Zecora merely smiled at her friends, ushering them as they carried their boxes on the way out. “I assure you, you need not care. I have plenty enough to share.”
They each said goodbye, the two ponies heading home with their treat supplies in tow.
“That was so kind of her to share with us” Rarity said to Pinkie, already planning out her next few meals.
“Yeah, I can’t wait for next year when we can get even more!” The party pony replied, working out a recipe for Breezy cupcakes (Breezecakes?) in her head.
The friends laugh as they headed home, thinking about the new taste added to their palette, and how they might experiment with it.
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I don't normally dislike but this is disturbing
4963766
Well, vore isn't for everyone.
Why?
4963840
Because horrifying fetishes that scare those who don't have them.
4963846 Sounds about right
Nice story though
I'm quite the vorarephilian, although I do have my limits
4963895
How so, sir?
4963905 Digestion bores me and crunching is pointless. I prefer safe acid
4963935
Ah, I don't really like the description of the digestion or stomach myself. My interest stops at the throat. I like a bit of crunching, but not just that alone. I mostly like the feeling of doom for the prey.
It's been said but I'll say it again this shits disturbing
This seems really out of character, even for an AU. Especially considering the ponies know Breezies can talk and feel. And were turned INTO Breezies once. It's okay to do fetish work but you should try to be as loyal to the source material as you can. This doesn't have that. And this from a huuuuge voraphiliac!
4964012
Yeah, that's kind of my problem. While I come up with plenty of ideas, my set up for them tends to be kind of poor.
4963771
I suppose not, I apologise if my comment came off as rude
4964047
It's okay, I know I would be shocked as well.
>micro
aww man.
4964234
Aw come on. There's nothing wrong with being small! It's much better than hanging out with giants.
4964267
but micro makes vore so much less satisfying! there's no prolonged swallowing, no bulging throat, no distended, prey filled bellies. it's just overall less, imo.
4964409
Oh, you like same-size vore. While I can still understand the appeal, I prefer micro/macro vore. That way, the predator must give no effort to swallow the prey, snacking on them without a care in the world.
4964437
yeah, I also understand the appeal of micro, and even enjoy it myself, on occasion.
I guess I'm just a little miffed that it seems every single time I see a new story has been added to the vore group, it's either micro or hard vore.
also, I just noticed, in your short description
4964504
Fixed, I actually noticed that in the normal description after I submitted, but I guess I forgot the short one.
4964012 I'm glad you said that. I found the story gross, but since I don't like vore, that isn't a huge surprise. I can't blame the author for that a bit, because it's clearly labeled and I can't claim I wasn't warned, and as the author said, it's not for everybody. Still, Rarity and Pinkie's reactions seemed out of character, and particular Pinkie's, since she thought the Breezies were so stinking cute, and since they're all been one.
I didn't want to judge that, because I know I'm biased,and it wouldn't be fair, so I'm glad you did.
4964599
Yeah, the story wasn't really meant to be very "in character". I just got the idea, and the two of them just seemed to have the right personalities for the role.
4964037
The premise wasn't bad, it was just the setup really needed work. Perhaps next time, try to figure out a way to make it work a bit better, think of a more realistic reason they'd try something like this. Like, say, a shrinking spell to uncover what's causing one of their tummies to ache? Or if you prefer full-size, perhaps Twilight wants to test a new spell and she's unsure of it's safety, etc, etc?
4964618
Eh, I mostly like the idea of the prey dreading their impending fate, so consensual vore doesn't really work for me. My main weakness is how I set up my premises, I agree there.
Greetings from 4chan. I'm your fellow anon, with my promised review.
I actually enjoyed this, though it's pretty easy to see why it has so much hate.
Yep, that’s pretty shock factor for you right there. As a reader, I too would demand some pretty good explanation for this sudden behavior.
Still, after a moment’s consideration, is this not what fan fiction is? It’s sort of that “What if” moment, when you think about an alternative scenario, and decide to write it. People just draw the line in different places as to how far is too much change. You’re kind of tap-dancing right across that with this one. It’s your story, so it’s your choice, but people are going to object to this particular take on Pinkie and Rarity, as I’m sure you’ve noticed.
I do really like that Rarity has some reservations at first, as it plays well off of Pinkie’s constant acceptance of everything around her. The real “what if” here is “what if Zecora saw the breezies as a delicacy, “A Foreign Delicacy”. Splendidly imagined, I must say.
Poorly typed, however. Not as far as narration or prose is concerned; you actually handled those surprisingly well. But looking at this, I am willing to bet bits to breezies (see what I did there?) that either English is not your first language, or you didn’t have this proofread before you published it.
Is a good exampled. That’s either a tense shift or a typo, both of which would need to be fixed. I wouldn’t mind giving this a proofread for you in a Google Document, but it definitely needs it.
And finally, your opener.
This could have been done better.
I can see this is your first story on this site, and that you probably just joined the site today. I don’t mean to jump to conclusions, but my guess is this is your first crack at writing in general. If not, my apologies. If so, well, congrats on your first story.
To start with, your first sentence should be something exciting that simply cannot be ignored. This one is kind of bland, and easy to ignore. Yeah, they’re headed to Zecora’s hut, but there’s nothing here that simply begs me to read further. Try adding something like the nature of their visit—something to pull it out of an everyday experience.
You might even have them meet on the path there, and describe their perplexion at being invited to zecora’s for dinner.
“Oh, hey, Rarity. You headed to Zecora’s?” Pinkie pie pranced up behind her friend as they entered the Everfree.
“Pinkie? You got an invitation too?
“Yup yup. What do you suppose these ‘Zebra treats are?”
You can take it from there I’m sure.
Overall, it’s actually not bad. Thumbs up on your first story, bro. Clean it up a bit, and I look forward to more from you in the future. If you choose to continue writing, that is, which I definitely recommend.
4965066
Thank you very much for the critique.
You are right in your assumption that I just joined the site today, though I've already written for the thread a few times. This is just the first thing I've felt comfortable with putting up outside the thread.
My main stance with "fetish fuel" stories(which I see this one as) is that as long as you keep the characters' basic personalities, it should be okay. I'm obviously going for something in which they'll be a bit out of character, but I at least tried to sick to their personalities.
My main intention was a sort of corruption idea, with one character being coaxed into the situation by the others. I figured that Pinkie would be the perfect familiar character to help coax her into it, seeing as she could be someone who just goes along with the flow. I thought Rarity would be an ideal choice because she's someone who tries to be upper classed, so Zecora would assume she would appreciate the meal as I stated in the story.
I will say that I have many ideas for premises. The idea of zebras seeing Breezies as delicacies is only one of many. I actually only came up with that particular one just yesterday. I definitely have no problem with ideas, it's just how I executed them is what feels like a problem for me personally. My main problem I know is how I set up my stories. I usually just jump into a story, rushing through the start and only really getting into it once I actually get to the whole point of the premise.
English is my first language, I'm just a pretty bad proofreader. Whenever I usually come across a typo in writing, whether my own or that of someone else, my mind will normally just fill in the blanks itself, causing the mistake to be missed altogether. While this comes in handy in reading for pleasure, it can be pain while proofreading.
I normally write stories like this on rushes, stopping every half hour or so and continuing later, which might explain some of the unpolished feel. My next work will most likely be a gentle macro/micro story, so I'll be more easily able to think it out as I write it.
I'm glad you liked it, it is nice to get a bit of positive feedback, since I didn't really get much of a response at all from the thread, or many positive responses here. Thank you for the criticism as well, it will definitely help. I'm glad to know I have another reader out there, and I hope you enjoy my next work. I certainly don't plan on stopping any time soon.
Well, I liked this.
And if your comment is anything to go by, you will be making more Micro/Macro stories.
Good, this site needs more of that.
I await your next story.
wait hmm? breezies are in this?....
4965448
Yep, though they meet with bad fates...
4965201
Glad to hear it. I look forward to the madness, and I should really stick around the thread more often. I seem to be missing a ton of stuff.
4965451
th04.deviantart.net/fs71/PRE/i/2013/057/8/7/you_ve_met_with_a_terrible_fate__haven_t_you_by_tchukart-d5w9kh1.png
4965521
That pic is exactly what came to mind.
You really should stick around more. I recommend at least skimming through at least once every two or three days, to at least get a bearing of things.
Please make more!
Oh, do one with Celestia!
4965680
I've been thinking of something with Celestia, but it would be gentle rather than vore.
Awesome. Very good micro. Write one with Celestia and Luna :3
4971252
Oh, I have an idea, it just might be a while until I write it. I'm more in a gentle mood at the moment.
The irony will come when the dragons decide ponies are small and taste good, and then Pinkie complains when one eats her.
5033805
Or if one of Zecora's potions goes wrong and shrinks her. She just better hope Pinkie does come across her. She just might regret sharing, then.
5034392 Or if Twilight, who as yet doesn't know the other cruel, evil, sadistic, malevolent, psychotic, diabolical, savage, bestial, demonic (ALL RIGHT!! WE GET IT!!! THEY'RE BAD!! GET ON WITH IT!!)... grr, fine!
Twi doesn't know several of the others are eating Breezies. So after Flutters helps with the migration, Twi transforms them as per the episode. And then Pinkie, Rarity (and Dashie, because she's pretty dumb and would get talked into it in 10 seconds flat.
) are terrified because they know Zecora was looking for Breezies that very day! They admit to their evil and Twi, Flutters and AJ (who hates predators cuz her parents were torn apart by Timber Wolves... Don't look at me like that! It fits! It's entirely plausible!) are disgusted and leave... only to quickly be caught by Zecora. Then after they're eaten, the 3 evil ponies are caught and eaten too.
Then Zecora, accidentally brushing into Poison Joke from being distracted by the tasty Breezies, also becomes a Breezie... and is eaten by... uhm... I dunno. Hmm, a Star Spider. No pony belly for her. She instigated this sordid affair and must suffer the agonizingly slow liquefaction of her innards by spider venom!
Perfect...
5688592 I am bestest at ironic vore doom punishements!
Story was okay. Liked the vore but the entire time I could imagine Fluttershy walking in, then becoming the Fluttershy from Pony.mov on them.