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Ponies move on.....from place to place, from childhood likes and dislikes.
But friends, you never really move on from them.
Silver Spoon has moved away, so many times, that those ponies she met, in each place, are almost an after thought. But to one pony in particular, Diamond Tiara, she still remains the most important pony in her life. Because, without her, she still would be the lonely brat she was.
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Not a bad little story, though it could use a once-over by a proofreader.
Okay, I skipped DT's letter. First piece of advice would come with an editor, both to check grammar and structure, and perhaps one to check you on over description and flow. As for the story as a whole, it is a good concept, with decent execution. As I stated, it needs an editor. Like, REALLY, needs an editor. It has plenty of mistakes, but never to such a fault that it really annoyed em. However, I still skipped a part. Why? Dia (as her nickname actually is in cannon). I understand how she might not be the next Einstein, but we have to assume to some degree that Filthy would make sure she was taught, and taught well, since she still has to make sure her own wealth is not squandered. With how childlike and stupid you made Diamond Tiara, it really has you question how this filly was a bully, an editor, and the heir to a massive fortune. So yeah, you need to get an editor, make DT kind, without making her an idiot, and make sure to check yourself on the descriptions. The perfume to be precise just felt long winded. ANyways, it wasn't bad, but it also wasn't worth finishing.
4930973 Oh well, could you please specify where exactly I made her stupid and childlike? My thoughts while writing this were "They haven't talked in 10 to 15 years, so, probably, the last time they saw each other they were dumb children." From there I assumed that Diamond wasn't the best student (she was probably more interested in playing aroudn than learning, which I find is true for most kids), the bit about calligraphy? Well, that doesn't make her dumb, per say, she just has sloppy hoof writing, if we were to judge intelligence by calligraphy , every single doctor in the world wouldn't be able to graduate.
The letter is the whole emotional support of the story, without it, I don't think the story makes much sense. But I understand that I didn't give you motivation to read that part of the story...Well...
The thing is, the description of Diamond in the first part of the story, is how Silver Spoon, as an adult, perceives her. And she was a child then, she doesn't really know how she evolved.
That middle part reveals a little more of Dia (by the way, I always used Tia as her nickname, until someone mentioned it was already used for Celestia) as an adult, she still has a short fuse, a temper and all that, but all those words, they reveal just how much Silver Spoon changed her life. And it's by far the most important part. The beggining is just to create some sort of antecipation, and briefly make Silver look back at her memories of DT, the end part? It's just a conclusion, that leaves an open final. The middle? The middle is everything about the story that matters. I would have much rather no one read the beginning and end, and just read that.
But thank you, despite that.
I really appreciate all the advise you've given me. And I will look into getting an editor.
4931010 Part of the problem is that she doesn't write it herself. That, and DT has just never been a very stupid character to me. She knows when to strike, knows when she has been bested, and especially when to make friends. Penmanship wasn't the only thing. For such a drastic thought on how dumb your best friend is, they have to be REALLY dumb. It just came off as weird, and again, some of the choices made, such as long descriptions and stating her reaction to the letter before showing it, jsut make you lose all interest, hence what happened to me.
While Silver's reaction was a little paranoic .. well .. i wasn't fun to read that part, .. but that is the only complain.
I loved the story! I love Silver Spoon. And you made a great concept with her. Favorited.
Also you should check out a group named "Editors R us"
4931144
4931020
I did some Editing, I believe it's better now.
This is an awfully realistic portrayal of Diamond Tiara and it's very easy to sympathize
Leaving this noble shade,
you wander still
through another dream.
How wonderfully foolish!
Such a friendship's bliss,
this dream still so sweet and dear;
your love will surely live.
Excellent work, dear Author!
We'll enjoy your future works.
That was a pretty good read. Gotta love that creepy yet determination to seek out an old friend like that just to check up on them, Silver's reactions and thoughts really made this one work.
Not a fan of Rich/Bully = Bad at school trope, but in this case it was very endearing reading just how much effort and care, overall how serious, Diamond was with making her letter for Silver Spoon. Every word had to be just right in fear Silver would not understand nor the feelings she was trying to convey.
Not sure what this fic was like over 4 day ago, as I only managed to get to it little over a couple and a half ago, but I thought you conveyed your thoughts well in my read. Seeing Silver reading it, likely reading it in DT's voice, I just found the whole story really appealing.
By the way, you have a wild period out there doing nothing. Of all the things to bug my OCD, it ends up being the period. xD
Was that supposed to be a "turn page over" signal? In fact, it could make the fic look more adorable if you did add something like that. Might want to find a neat way to signal Spoon being let known there is more written on the back of the letter.
Nice story. I felt a bit short changed due to the end scene there, since there was much imply she was happy and all that. Who knows. Still room for her to reject in some readers' minds I guess. I would of loved to see Silver's short and sweet reply to all that, or maybe a small epilogue to this. Still, it works fine as is, Silver's mind still reeling after all that, a friend of so long ago suddenly trying to reconnect. First to do so apparently. Poor Silver, I bet she expected DT to simply forget about her too.
Never underestimate a rich girl and her love of Spoons. :P
4952821 That is the basis for my fanfic "Diamond is secretely the Tick" idea, but I don't know who would be Arthur, so, it's not been written yet
4954744 Come on. Silver is a natural born Arthur. She's not the greatest, but she's smart. Diamond Tiara is passionate but easily gets thrown off track when distracted.
And the thought of DT holding up Silver in front of other villains in a threatening manner, with Spoon wearing a Spoon outfit other than a moth, could help make it more a silly adaptation than a crossover. CMC could be the bumbling bad guys who are really good guys but can't get a proper summer job due to all the mess they caused at all the places they did managed to get hired at. So only place they COULD get a summer job was at the Villains R' Us.
Or something.
Alula is always a joy to have around. She'd be the filly pegasus in the John Madden meme helmet (since she's like a popular glitch character on the show) as seen in this picture:
fc04.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2014/026/6/b/foalish_difficulties_by_telaros-d73vjqs.png
I wish someone would add to that, maybe more Ruby Pinch, Archer, that mean looking filly at the arcades behind Button and Archer in Hearts and Hooves Day, and whatever!
People are totally encouraged to use that as a coverart btw! We need more Foalish Difficulties type stories, a "The hayfeathers I put up with each day" sort of thing through Diamond's perspective. I've long since wanted to write something like it. xD
But yeah, Alula could make a good Arthur. Tick having a talking Spoon could be hilarious in its own right!
4954923 I was working on a "Button is freakazoid" story, but now you've inspired me! Thank you
How do you suppose Silver Spoon would look as a senior citizen?