Welcome to the 40k Era, read the dark amazing story in the universe of Warhammer 40k: Dawn of friendship.
After the Luna Hersey, Primarch Twilight must embark an adventure with Primarchs, RainbowDash, and AppleJack, to protect the Imperium of Pony against the forces of chaos.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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My rendition of the 40k universe was much more flushed out and can be read on my page! Also other things in the mix for you all to read.
No offense, but the Warhammer 40k thing is about as overdone as Fallout Equestria and Conversion B.
I guess its time to go starcraft
after this, i love the 40k universe too
i rather like it
superiorman.de/Bilder/GamesWorkshop/SpessMehreens.jpg
SPESS PUHNEES!
WE FAYT IN THE NEHME OF CELESTYAH!
453353>>453485
LET THE COWARDS FIGHT IN METAL BAWKES
SPEHSS MAHREENS FIGHT FOR THA EMPAHRAH
hmmm...I can see it now. Parasprite nids...So cool! This was good,ill keep an eye on this one
453805
thanks
Yeah, it's kind of shit.
Prologue: You don't need to italicize every capital noun. Also, it doesn't really explain much. Yeah, there's this planet-wide (after 30,000 years? what?) civilization, but how did it get there? What differentiates it from 'vanilla' 40k where the pony version is more interesting? What is the point of reading this?
Chapter 1: Learn how to grammar better.
"On board the Thunderhawk traveling through Equestrian Orbit,
Orbit does not require capitalization.
UltraColt Twilight awaits for the next mission.
Twilight who? If you're telling rather than showing, the least you could do is tell everything needed.
Check your tense (awaits?). Keep it consistent with the rest of the text.
Beside her is her second librarian, Spike.
Second as opposed to first? What is a "first librarian"?
Across the carrier a new recruit with his full helmet on.
Phrases =/= sentences. There is no subject, no verb, no structure.
Full helmet? As opposed to only the top half?
Moments later a screen across the carrier flickered on, Inquisitor Spitfire Appeared"
Again, of you're going to tell at least do it right.
Appeared does not require capitalization.
Also, you don't need to hit 'enter' after every couple of words.
And that's just the first 3.5 sentences.
453348
I count 10 total fics, which are all short and not prevalent. Not what I call overdone.
453828
Well, I'm sorry for my grammar errors
I'm assuming two hour braining storming/ typing is 100% proficient
453838 didnt know you just recently join our group. btw itis interesting enough, but too short. and yea the what boredhooman, you really need to work on it, i suggest you find a prereader. you can find someone in the group.
453828
lol nice hit on the "half helmet" part lol
454573
will do, sry its pretty short lol, i just registered when i joined and in 6 hours i wrote two stories, give some time to pass it will get improved
455300
lol none of the chapter ever rach 500 wordcount lol, anyway just make it longer this time. interisying story but preeeeeeeettttttyyyyyy short haha.
455341
what i mean though when i was working on my story, my friend was over and he wanted to write another story that me and him had for a while, its about to be approved now for some reason i tried submitting it yesterday, took most of the day to write... the second story such weirdness
>>PhoKingAzn
Nice job, but minor grammatical mistakes.
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Would love to see more!
457913
typing it atm, im taking your grammar suggestions atm
shoulda changed chaos to discord. both mean the same thing after all.
No, from a technical standpoint, it is pretty bad. Capital letters sprinkled in at random, switching back and forth between tenses, substituting punctuation with line breaks. I could only stand to skim it, and I could still tell that it didn't have a whole lot going for it in the pacing, prose, character or plot departments.