The Keldeo Chronicles:Adventures in Equestria

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When a Keldeo stumbles into the world of Equestria, the Mane 6 befriend this odd pony and decide to help him go back home. But his sudden appearance in Equestria was no mere coincidence,as it was foretold that a colt Pokemon would destroy a menace that threatened Equestria in ancient times. Will Keldeo be able to destroy the ancient menace and return to his world?

Chapters (2)

Chapter 1:New Pony in Town · 5th Aug 2014 · 507 words
507
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Chapter 2:Keldeo,the Water Unicorn · 9th Aug 2014 · 986 words
986
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Comments ( 9 )

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ShadowblazeCR

ShadowblazeCR #1 · Aug 9th, 2014 · 2 · · Chapter 2:Keldeo,the Water Unicorn ·

At least try to write a thousand words per chapter.

Shadowflame

Shadowflame #2 · Aug 9th, 2014 · · · Chapter 1:New Pony in Town ·

Keldeo looked at his mentors and nodded,and followed the other Pokemon into the forest.

Small note: Try to keep from using more than one 'and' in a sentence, even if there's a comma separating them. Instead, a better way to write this would be:

Keldeo looked at his mentors and nodded, before following the other Pokemon into the forest.

Shadowflame

Shadowflame #3 · Aug 9th, 2014 · · · Chapter 2:Keldeo,the Water Unicorn ·

"What happened Twilight? Did you happen to find what is the cause of this freaky thunderstorms?"asked Rainbow Dash

Small note: After dialogue, if you have something like, 'asked Rainbow Dash', then you just need to add a space between This " and Asked. Also, 'asked' should be Capitalized, since the quotations marked the end of a sentence.

I'm a big fan of Pokemon, and that's why I think I'm liking both of your stories. All you need is a bit of guidance, some practice, and you'll be an awesome writer who will surely have many followers and such.

Can't wait for the next chapter!

Shadowflame

Shadowflame #4 · Aug 9th, 2014 · · · Chapter 2:Keldeo,the Water Unicorn ·

One last thing, something to help you lengthen your chapters a bit. So far, you're just telling us a story, which isn't really the best way to go.

Instead, try focusing on showing us the story. Think of the scene you are portraying, and just think of every detail you can see in there. What's the mood? What is everyone's thoughts? What sound is the storm making outside? Is there still mud on the floor of the library from when Keldeo was brought inside? Is it colder inside the library because of the storm?

Just think of anything, and if it's a detail that will enhance the picture the readers see, then add it in. Just remember, don't tell us a story, show us a story!

Lance Skyes

Lance Skyes #5 · Aug 10th, 2014 · · · Chapter 2:Keldeo,the Water Unicorn ·

I went into this story thinking "Ooh, another 'Keldeo in Equestria' story. Those are always fun."
*reads story*
Ehhh... A few things I want to point out. First-
*reads comments section*
Oh, 4825697 already covered all that. Thanks man.
Still, this is a good story. Unfortunately, I'm a pretty picky reader and while this story has a nice premise and all, I'm afraid I'm going to have to withhold my like until it gets a little more cleaned up. I'm not going to dislike this story, but you're going to have to earn the like I want to give this story.