The Blind Leading The Blind

by ErraticOverlord

The Eavesdropper

"Have you heard what happened?"

"Just now from Carrot Top."

"How could something like that happen in Ponyville?"

"The world's gone crazy."

"I'm thinking about moving out."

"That's easy for you to say; you didn't grow up in Ponyville."

"Don't say you weren't thinking about it too 'cause I know you were."

"Oh hush, Mellie can hear you."

"From this distance?"

"That's why she holds her wings like that. She cups 'em around her ears to hear better."

"Does that work?"

"All I know is, that filly hears more of my conversations than the ponies I'm talking to do."

"Should we go somewhere else?"

"It won't help much."

"Then why are you worried? If she's determined to hear it, then I can say it and it doesn't matter where or when I do. Isn't that right, Melody?"

"It's not very polite to address your eavesdropper."

"Did she say something?"

"I couldn't hear anything. You know she talks so quietly I'm surprised if anyone can hear her."

"Do you think it was an accident?"

"About Wensleydale? Certainly not."

"Why not? He wasn't exactly in the peak of health."

"Peak of health or not, ponies don't just die in their parlors."

"Nothing I've seen that could do that to him otherwise."

"If it was just an accident, why was his bit bank empty?"

"His bit bank was empty?"

"That's what Carrot Top said."

"That's highly suspicious."

"Not really.

"That's what I said when Carrot Top told me."

"Mr. Wensleydale just did business with a group of Buffalo. It's possible that he made friends with one of them and withdrew all his bits for a trip to go seem them. After that he could have died from some kind of foreign disease. That would leave us with an unknown cause of death and an empty bit bank."

"Did you hear that?"

"Hear what?"

"I thought I heard something."

"Getting jumpy are you?"

"I could have sworn I heard something just now."

"That's alright. This whole business has me getting paranoid too."

"Have you heard?"

"Hello, Minuette. We were just talking about it."

"About Petit Souris?"

"What happened to Petit Souris?"

"It's all over Ponyville now. Petit Souris just collapsed in front of the Town Hall."

"Oh Celestia is he alright?"

"I don't know. Nurse Redheart was nearby though so she took him to the hospital."

"Is it the same thing that happened to Wensleydale?"

"Probably."

"That's what I think. But Nurse Redheart says it's probably just dehydration."

"Dehydration phooey. Two ponies collapsing within three days of each other is no case of dehydration."

"Wensleydale often sells his cheese to Petit Souris. After contracting the sickness he could have come into contact with Petit and given him the disease. Whatever it is, it's fast acting. If anyone came into close contact with Petit they'll probably feel its effects soon."

"But it's absurd to think somepony would do that to Petit on purpose. He's such a nice stallion. Why, I was having some tea with him just yesterday."

"If that's true, it's likely you too carry the disease."

"What is that filly doing?"

"Who, Melody?"

"That filly over there."

"She's eavesdropping."

"On us?"

"There's nopony else here."

"What is she doing with her wings?"

"She's cupping them over her ears to hear us better."

"What nerve! Hasn't that filly learned to respect other ponies' privacy?"

"Please, Minuette, I'm sure she's just being curious."

"She's just being disrespectful. That's what she's just being."

"That's probably a bit harsh."

"Her lips have been moving every so often too. Like she's talking to herself."

"There's nopony else here."

"Never mind her. Who was around when Petit collapsed?"

"Well there was Nurse Redheart, Applejack, Big Macintosh, and Mayor Mare. At least that's what I heard."

"If that's true, who did you hear it from? None of those seem like the gossiping types, excepting Mayor Mare perhaps."

"You don't think one of them could have done that?"

"I'm just pointing out it's mighty suspicious."

"If that list is accurate, it's not suspicious at all. Applejack and Big Mac have business selling apples in the area. Mayor Mare also has her job in the Town Hall. Nurse Redheart was either shopping or visiting in the area. Each have at least plausible reasons to be there."

"Her lips are moving again."

"Never you mind."

"I'm telling you it's not right."

"Do you know who else doesn't talk much? Big Macintosh."

"Big Macintosh was at the scene of the crime!"

"Selling apples."

"You don't think he could have done this, do you?"

"I've always said there's something not quite right about that stallion."

"Is that why you spent fifteen minutes flirting with him last Wednesday and always whisper about Miss Cheerilee behind her back?"

"Cheerilee, too."

"Figures"

"Cheerilee couldn't have done something like that. She teaches all the colts and fillies in town."

"She also doesn't have the motive or the means to cause Wensleydale and Petit Souris to spontaneously collapse."

"Nopony saw Cheerilee near Town Hall when Petit collapsed."

"Nopony saw her but Big Macintosh was there."

"Doesn't Big Macintosh sell apples in the area?"

"Yes."

"Most of the time he does but he has days off and there's no telling whether or not that day was one of them."

"You could always ask Applejack.

"Even if that day wasn't his day off, he could have left for a few minutes and then come back."

"Why don't you ask Applejack if that happened?"

"I see."

"You see something."

"What are we going to do if they come after us?"

"If you mean the disease, I'm sure Nurse Redheart will be able to find something and if not she'll get help. If you're talking about your theory with Big Macintosh, there's really nothing for it there."

"I say we lock them up."

"What?"

"Celestia, we can't do that; what if we're wrong?"

"If we're right that means we'd be saving a bunch of ponies."

"No. I don't want to talk about that if we don't have any proof."

"Fine. But don't come crying to me if you collapse next."

"Have you heard?"

"About Petit Souris?"

"What happened to Petit Souris?"

"He just collapsed in front of Town Hall; it's all over Ponyville."

"I've heard this already. Get to something new."

"Collapsed? Like Wensleydale?"

"And you won't believe who was around when it happened."

"Who?"

"Big Macintosh."

"What? Why was he there?"

"He was selling app - you know what? Forget it. I'm out of here."

"He was conspiring to poison Petit with Cheerilee."

"Weirdoes.

Comments

[Szalhi]

i don't understand this.

[Tiaa OwO]

Great story, but there are a few things you need to fix.
1) you can still identify who Is talking without a description of the pony.
Ex. "Have you heard?" said a soft voice. Or "Have you heard?" said (ponies name).
You can say that the filly knows the voice and can identify who is who.
2) I can kinda tell when a pony enters the conversation but it is not really clear. I'm guessing there were two ponies talking and one joined in? (I'm only halfway through the chapter). This information needs to be made clear.
3) a few minor grammar mistakes but not very noticeable.
But great story overal!

[Tennis Match Fan]

This was very enjoyable. I like it. It also shows how gossipy the Ponyvillians get.

[meerkat8472]

This is very good I think, except for this one prt.

"Is that why you spent fifteen minutes flirting with him last Wednesday and always give Miss Cheerilee dirty looks whenever you see her?"

If Melody is blind, she wouldn't be able to tell that the other pony is giving some other pony 'dirty looks'. Unless she is a particularly good empath, but even then I doubt it.

[ErraticOverlord]

4728880 Thanks!
For 1) I see what you mean with identifying ponies by sound so that's good. I did kinda want to write a story with only dialogue because it's actually my favorite thing to write but in terms of her being blind I totally see that.

2) There has got to be a way to make that clearer.

3) I'm glad they're not too noticeable (I don't have an editor for most of my stories at this point)

4728901 Thank you so much!

4729212 Good catch. Woops

[Jman14102]

This was very unique. Being the quiet, logical one that no one listens to is something I can relate to Melody with.

[Tiaa OwO]

4732232 No prob

[PaladinOfChaos]

Rumors are vicious things aren't they?
I liked this
am I right in guessing the title is a metaphor?

[ErraticOverlord]

4733357 I'm glad you like it!

4737844 Got it on the nose.

[Zaid ValRoa]

I really, really liked this story.
It was pretty good, and you did a good job within the limits you imposed.
Congratulations.

[ErraticOverlord]

4729212 Fixed, I think.

[ErraticOverlord]

4743217 Thanks so much! I really appreciate people telling me what they think of my stories - for good or ill - and I get so happy when I hear from someone that they like it. Thanks again!

[Novalis14]

I like this. I mean I kinda would like her to actually be heard but that is just a personal thing.

Since I can only give on like have a an angel

[ErraticOverlord]

4743400 Yeah, I know what you mean. Thanks for the angel!

[meerkat8472]

4743218 Yep, mush better.

[Raichu]

How funny. It is pretty hilarious. I mean the story.

[ErraticOverlord]

5289740 Thanks! I had a lot of fun writing it and I'm so glad you enjoyed it.

[Fervidor]

To think, if she was more outspoken she'd be a great detective.

A bit minimalistic for my taste, but you did a very good job with the scenario.

[ErraticOverlord]

5714470 Thank you. I enjoyed stretching my writer wings for this one, trying to separate different voices from each other which can be a problem even in stories with descriptions.

I also absolutely love mysteries, reading them and writing them, so I wanted to write a bunch of mini parlor scenes.

It was a lot of fun all around. I'm glad you gave it a read!

[HapHazred]

Hello! I've reviewed your story for the Goodfic Bin, and I'm definitely accepting this one.

Included my reasons here.

Congrats.

[Artist]

Cool