• Member Since 17th Sep, 2013
  • offline last seen Dec 12th, 2020

ErraticOverlord


But, if ErraticOverlord is dead, why the empty grave?

E

"Oh hush, Mellie can hear you."

"From this distance?"

"That's why she holds her wings like that. She cups 'em around her ears to hear better."

"Does that work?"

"All I know is, that filly hears more of my conversations than the ponies I'm talking to do."


An experimental story with only dialogue. I'm not entirely sure how I should have tagged this. Comments of any kind are encouraged. I hope you enjoy!

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 21 )

i don't understand this.

Great story, but there are a few things you need to fix.
1) you can still identify who Is talking without a description of the pony.
Ex. "Have you heard?" said a soft voice. Or "Have you heard?" said (ponies name).
You can say that the filly knows the voice and can identify who is who.
2) I can kinda tell when a pony enters the conversation but it is not really clear. I'm guessing there were two ponies talking and one joined in? (I'm only halfway through the chapter). This information needs to be made clear.
3) a few minor grammar mistakes but not very noticeable.
But great story overal!:twilightsmile:

This was very enjoyable. I like it. It also shows how gossipy the Ponyvillians get. :twilightsmile:

This is very good I think, except for this one prt.

"Is that why you spent fifteen minutes flirting with him last Wednesday and always give Miss Cheerilee dirty looks whenever you see her?"

If Melody is blind, she wouldn't be able to tell that the other pony is giving some other pony 'dirty looks'. Unless she is a particularly good empath, but even then I doubt it.

4728880 Thanks!
For 1) I see what you mean with identifying ponies by sound so that's good. I did kinda want to write a story with only dialogue because it's actually my favorite thing to write but in terms of her being blind I totally see that.

2) There has got to be a way to make that clearer.

3) I'm glad they're not too noticeable (I don't have an editor for most of my stories at this point)

4728901 Thank you so much! :pinkiehappy:

4729212 Good catch. Woops :derpyderp2:

This was very unique. Being the quiet, logical one that no one listens to is something I can relate to Melody with.

Rumors are vicious things aren't they?
I liked this
am I right in guessing the title is a metaphor?

4733357 I'm glad you like it! :twilightsmile:

4737844 Got it on the nose. :eeyup:

I really, really liked this story.
It was pretty good, and you did a good job within the limits you imposed.
Congratulations.
:ajsmug:

4743217 Thanks so much! I really appreciate people telling me what they think of my stories - for good or ill - and I get so happy when I hear from someone that they like it. Thanks again! :pinkiehappy:

I like this. I mean I kinda would like her to actually be heard but that is just a personal thing.

Since I can only give on like have a an angel :scootangel:

4743400 Yeah, I know what you mean. Thanks for the angel!

4743218 Yep, mush better.:twilightsmile:

How funny. It is pretty hilarious. I mean the story.

5289740 Thanks! I had a lot of fun writing it and I'm so glad you enjoyed it. :pinkiehappy:

To think, if she was more outspoken she'd be a great detective.

A bit minimalistic for my taste, but you did a very good job with the scenario.

5714470 Thank you. I enjoyed stretching my writer wings for this one, trying to separate different voices from each other which can be a problem even in stories with descriptions.

I also absolutely love mysteries, reading them and writing them, so I wanted to write a bunch of mini parlor scenes.

It was a lot of fun all around. I'm glad you gave it a read!

Hello! I've reviewed your story for the Goodfic Bin, and I'm definitely accepting this one.

Included my reasons here.

Congrats.

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