• Member Since 12th Mar, 2012
  • offline last seen Oct 24th, 2017

BR


I'll try to try.

E

You know when someone uses the expression, "an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a life for a life"?
You may think it is about revenge, but it's not.

It's about an exchange.

Cover image by SpeccySY from DeviantArt and preread by Magnumopai and Neogreenyew.

Chapters (2)
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Comments ( 38 )

Let's see how this turns out.

563602
THANK YOU, FOR RUINING IT FOR ME! :twilightangry2:
This is just like when Mom told me Dumpledore died before I finished reading the book .n. :fluttercry:

563620 why the hell are you reading the comments before the story? ugh fine I'll change it.

BR

563623 sorry had to delete the comment...:fluttercry:

But yah.. this story is awesome and a great one-shot!

563630 it's understandable. Sorry to everyone I ruined it for but reading the story before the comments usually helps.

563623
Sorry.
I read the comments before the story to see if it's good .n.
Actucally, I haven't found any spoilers before now.
Kinda surprising.

About death? Kthxbai

A noble sacrifice for what would seem at first a complete stranger.

Well done.

My brain just melted.

Wow. I LOVE IT! Creepy, but cool.

Um, wow, I can't really think what to say, even though a number of words spring to mind, I'll stick with good, nice old good.

Well, that was interesting.

Well then...I can't tell if I should be sad, or happy, or existentialist...
It's a well crafted story, I'll give you that. And I won't take anything, hmm? No quid pro quo for me.

Ahem...
DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP.
First off, deep as in this is a truly deep story with some well thought-out concepts.
Second off, I'm in deep shit because my mom just caught me, and I'm supposed to be writing an essay. :|
Finally, cabbage.

564417 Oh, cabbage. Don't mind if I do. *noms* :pinkiesick:

Just... epic. I am glad I actually read this, it was really, really good.

To quote Gandhi
"An eye for an eye only results in the whole world being blind."

But, nice story. Creepy, but well made. :fluttercry:

An... Interesting premise. A bit short for my tastes. I prefer my stories to be fairly long, other than that you did a pretty decent job.

565557
Oh, hello, Lapison.

563604
Oh, hello, Guy.

THAT IS ALL DA PEOPLES I KNOW

566074 Why hello there, Emerald. How's your day so far?

:pinkiegasp::pinkiegasp: that was um good but scary:pinkiegasp::pinkiegasp:

BR

619062 NO SPOILERS!

Read it. I am freaking blown away. I think I found something to read aloud in my School's Talent show.........

My mind crashed, lit on fire, and exploded. Very nicely written, just kinda sad.

chaotic harmony read it to me and really liked it. =3

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

Heard this on Reading Rainboom. I think, thematically speaking, you've got a fairly solid piece here, and the ending was effective. But... You just had to use an actual character, and you just had to make it Fluttershy. That's pandering at its worst. Plus, any scene wherein one character is waiting for another to get to their point really needs to be reconsidered. Overall, I just wondered what the point of this was.

BR

1587477 I see how you could think this, and I respect that. However, the basis for the story came off of an idea that I had, and the characters fell into place. I think it would not have been so effective if I had used a different pony. Also, the "waiting for a character to get to their point" was something I used to create suspense.

Thank you for your review of the story. I hope you enjoyed it, and I will keep this advice in mind for the future.

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

1593820
It is, if nothing else, a rather memorable story, certainly unique.

BR

1593832 Thank you.

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

1593854
And thank you for civilly taking negative feedback. :)

Looks a little rushed.
Like, what would it mean to share a soul with a pony? Do they behave in a sympathetic manner? Experience emotions in similarity with one another? Share dreams? Did the human experience bizarre, inexpected attractions to nature?
Or is this just a dickish way of dealing with reincarnation? "You and this infant share a soul. Oh, you killed it to stay alive? That was your chance at ascending to a higher plane of existence, enjoy being reincarnated as a snail instead, dick head."

The introduction of the kids also weakens it. Simply accepting death (maybe a sort of reverse It's a Wonderful Life. Looking at what the life he could spare would accomplish if he died) wouldn't be too much, but actually killing himself is kind of stretching it.

The idea was certainly interesting, the execution is kind of ... meh.

BR

2927724 When I wrote this a year ago, I thought the story was rather drawn out. Then again, last year I wasn't the best writer, either. I know for sure that this isn't my best work. I appreciate you taking the time to read this, (I read So, What Happens Now? yesterday, great read.) and I also appreciate your talented feedback.

Lately, I've been thinking of rewriting parts of the story, and your criticism will definitely have a role in that. Thanks! :twilightsmile:

my blood just froze while my mind melted... this was awsome:pinkiesad2:

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