I'm an exile from a far away land but I will return to my home and reclaim what is mine.
Whitefang has spent most of his life alone, isolating himself from others. But, this all changes when he meets a technologically adept Pony named ChipSet. The two of them share a strained relationship, but they're gonna need to get along in order to survive the perilous world they are trapped in.
Set in Kkat's Fallout: Equestria.
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Huh, not bad.
I have no idea why this has such a negative start. The grammar was exceptional, the dialogue was fine, and plot was solid. Well, you could've thought up a better name then "Dog". That wasn't really creative.
Anyway, I think you shouldn't be deterred by the amount of dislikes. I know that this can be, well, depressing to have a story with more dislikes then likes. But I want you to know that this is a good story, and has been well written thus far. Keep up the good work, my friend.
~ Michael A.
4646485 Wow...thank you, I think people are disliking it is because I've made a Diamond Dog a good guy and I know I could have thought of better name for him but...it's hard because most of the good ones are taken.
4646498 Suggestions: Night-Claw, Whitefang, something like that.
~ Michael A.
4646576 Those are good names and I can still name him because the shadowy figure just calls "dog" cos of there past
4646485 4646498
It's FoE and wasn't in groups yet, just wait give it time and it'll be positive.
4646736 I noticed you put it into the FOE group you really should've asked my permission before doing that.
4646752
Sorry man, kind of my thing. It's my duty as their contributor to make sure all stories are properly catalouged so that everyone can find what they're looking for.
Also it'll help trust me there's a lot of people out there who have the express purpose of making sure all FoE fics bomb hence the large red bar you had. But there's those of us who want to make sure they do good.
The group will only help, trust me. Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye.
4646849 Okay I trust you
4649090 Thank you very much
4649159 Okay I won't
4713488 *Welling up* Thank you so much...you have made my day
This isn't a bad story, but a lot if aspects feel rushed.
The characters have had a obvious foreshadowing of romantic intention, but only after a couple of chapters. What makes it more astounding, is that one has enslaved the other. It'd feel more real if this took place over a longer period of time, even if he remained with the explosives still attached. I could chalk that up to Stockholm syndrome.
Its not a bad story, really, just needs a bit more pacing and more show, less tell.
Oh no! The fish! Oh the poor fish! Oh tragedy has befall-meh. Why was she crying over spilt fish? Their just fish. The whole thing, the story, seemed a bit rushed. The romantic interest bit's interesting.