• Member Since 9th Feb, 2012
  • offline last seen Feb 5th, 2014

Nova Critical


We all know the events occurring with Nightmare Moon 1000 years ago, but before that? How did Celestia and Luna gain their positions as rulers of Equestria?

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 4 )

Dayum this plot trains going fast :twilightoops:

Okay, so, I re-did the first chapter, I realize it went a bit too fast. So I revised it and added a few things. Big thank you to Soren, hope you all enjoy the story! :ajsmug:

oh you got me excited now!:yay:

Great first chapter! Here are a few comments. (By the way, I hereby fully admit that I am prone to many of the same issues with my stories!)

- the characterization of Twilight as ambitious is a bit far fetched. She has been mostly reactive to Celestia's demands, and usualy the ambitious are a bit more all about their own agenda.
- this does move a bit fast in the second section. There isn't time for the reader to get any feeling about, or for, Jackson, and thus the impact of his death is reduced.
- I find the fact that they didn't know the identity of the survivor before the meeting very hard to beleive. I suggest you drop that aspect of the scene and focus more on the anxiety of the prior relationship as a way of building tension before the meeting, and as a device to flush out the relationships between the sisters and their brother (as I am frequently reminded - show, don't tell.)
You know what - this could make the discovery of their respective identities so much more impactful for the readers! I would also recommend you think about dropping the 'hint' Luna gives at the end of the first segment by calling Celestia "High Regent".

Otherwise, I love the concept and plot so far.

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