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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Well, this is quite a development. Just... damn.
Moar! Please! I'm begging ya!
4470250
I wanted to have another comedy chapter before this. But fine, you want your conflict rushed ahead, so be it.
Awesome chapter. I have a feeling that these two are going to embark on a journey that will lead them to become closer, learn to depend on each other, and end with Cosmic, and Dusk, giving him the love and understanding he needs. It could end up with them becoming extremely close.
Keep up the good job.
4474532
As fun as the comedy chapters are, I liked this one. I like character development.
Holy crap, this is awesome!
this is getting better and better!
Wow....that's some heavy stuff.
think you meant me, hat.
4474616
Danke
That must be some magic if he can turn himself into his living room
4474620 well... this escalated quickly
4474532 Its weird that I'm not getting notifications when you respond to me. I get some when others respond to me but not you. Huh.
Anywho, That's not what I was getting at at all. I didn't ask anything of you, really. Just giving some criticism that I feel would help you make this story that I'm enjoying a little better. Don't rush on my account.
Edit PS: Haven't read this chapter yet.
4474775
Understandable, but it's not so much rushed, as it was just moved ahead. Like I said, I would have preferred another comedy chapter but it works either way.
Dat development speed.
well this went to trash fast
4474899
Nice, how's that cock up your ass feel?
Apparently not very good.
Something bitter for the sweet. I grow fond of this chemistry.
first story in a while that makes me squee when it updates, wonderful stuff thanks for updating so often
4474783 I'd like to write a detailed comment about why I think as I do, but anyway:
Glad to see you addressing some moderate issue with this quite entertaining fic pointed out by Psycho2cool, but don't rush it like this. Not only does this heart to heart seem a bit soon for them but we are thrown into a disturbingly vague and short dream sequence ( after an equally abrupt going to bed / falling asleep scene ), to then have it spelled out for us what it was about in criminally nondescript screaming dialogue. We also see him "calm" down without a single line... Removing all these ! would make it seem more like tired frustration and the step down to proper dialogue less painful, possibly somewhat natural. Currently, its very flat and stale compared to the usual colorful interactions you have thus far excelled at - the selling point of this fic thus far imo.
Basically, it lacks length, it lacks depth, it lacks character and it most certainly lacks description for conveying the emotion you're going for when you have so much to build from.
I'm sorry to say, It just screams unfinished and we don't get the usual humor to mend the burn.
For me the only thing saving the chapter from being plain disappointing is that ending comment.
Almost forgot you can write emotional scenes as well as comic
4475113
My old comment seems to have died.
I gave it a few tweeks, but the short falling asleep and the vague dream are staying. Partially for stylistic reasons, and partially because that's all I want him to see. I want to bring it up later, but I want those small pieces to be enough to trigger him to go off slightly. And it would seem it was mostly a case of me using too many !s and lack of voice description.
edit should clarify a little. Or not...it's dawn and I only got three hours of sleep, so my brain might not be running at 100%
Hmm...
Oh dear, if the head doesn't get drunk the body will... And she's in heat...
All the lolz!
Oh, boo hoo. Let me play you a sad song on my violin.
I hope Cosmic can't get drunk but Dust can, but at the same time Cosmic can sort of feel what's going on with Dust.
Though getting Dust too drunk would probably turn Cosmic off from ever drinking again. Decapitated head throwing up?
Hooray, moar alcohol!
4476021
You fucked up the quote.
Dingus.
It's gotta be the worlds smallest violin!
4476207
cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/500x/33076289.jpg
4476368
Then why did you post that?
It's served, not severed.
4474532 no no no no, don't listen to them, and don't rush things
Wow!
Between Cosmic, and watching Zero Punctuation I've started using English swear words. I say git at least three times more than I say asshole.
Anyone know where I can find fan art of this story?
"smile, because it confuses people, smile, because it's easier than explaining what's killing you on the inside."
-Joker
Oh, it's been a week since they came together? That wasn't very obvious...