Heyyo! Im RichieDash47, a great fan of Twi and Dashie, I like making stories and having fun, so i guess this site is perfect for me!
After growing a fanatism over a Book saga, Twilight decides to take time to study some creatures in particular that called her attention, Werewolves, one day, she finds a spell to transform into one of them, Her curiosity ends up beating her and she uses her magic to give it a try, the new werewolf In Town will cause Panic all over, but it will save Ponyville from a coming menace that threads Ponville... Or maybe Equestria.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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nice start,but it has its weaknesses.
also,
This-->[*Yawn*]
don't do that. do not place *effects* in your text. describe what occurs. write it out.
you've done okay, but you can do better.
reread and see if you find any flaws. after that,fix them.
If in doubt, give me a shout out.
The rampant italics of all dialogue isn't necessary. Save it for emphasis (or thoughts).
What Richardson said.
Use italics sparingly.
Also, in before someone complains that "Were" is used in reference to humans. Me? I don't care one way or the other, but be warned than the Grammar Nazis will bring it up later.
Hmmm. I started reading because it was an interesting concept. While Twilight turning into a werewolf was featured in a blog before, it was interesting to see it turned into a story. However, the overall execution in the opening chapter was fairly weak. To be honest, it was kind of a bore to read. I sincerely hope that you go through a major revision of this chapter before you continue. In any case, here are some critiques and solutions to help with editing:
1. Your sentence structure was horrible. In most cases, your sentences either were incomplete or run-ons due to your fragrant use of commas. That, combined with a lot of misspellings, really hurt the flow of the story.
2. You do not need to use italics to portray dialogue. Instead, save them for when you want to show thoughts or emphasize words or phrases.
3. Add more action to your scenes. While out-of-dialogue actions are fine if you can describe them, adding small gestures during conversation can add a certain sense of realism to a scene.
4. You put too much emphasis on the actual book. It is easy to tell that you like the Twilight series. If you don't, you did a good job of making it seem like you do. I don't care for it myself and I don't intend to knock you (too much) for it. However, remember that this is a MLP fanfiction and, unless you plan to do a crossover (I pray you don't), keep the two separated as much as possible. You managed to fill over a quarter of your first chapter with a pony-fied version of a different story. I can understand trying to make Twilight show Spike that just because the story is bad, doesn't mean that the lore and mythology is bad as well. However, you could have done so much with this opener to perpetuate your own story, but instead opted out to vent your frustrations over people hating on something you enjoy.
In the end, while it may seem that I am judging your fic too harshly, I only do so because I see its' potential. If you need an editor, just message me and I'll try to help out.
This is a very good read so far. Your paragraphing and spelling are a bit off, and I'm sure you've heard about the whole italics thing before, but one thing I'd like to add is when you referred to Rainbow Dash, "the rainbow colored mane Pegasi" just sounds wrong. A revision might be "The rainbow maned Pegasus", because consider the fact that Pegasi are multiple Pegasus.
I hope you were ready for a few critiques, but now I'm gonna tell you some good stuff. You put great detail into every sentence, and made it come to life with adjectives and figurative language. The transitions were great and you put in a lot of sentence variety. It was truly a nice read, and I can't wait to see more.
~Diversity
In The Year Of The Wolf - Motörhead
What's with all the werewolf stories lately?
The Werewolf Idea came to me when I was looking on random pictures on Google, and the Twilight books, I dont really like them with fanatism, i just took some time to read the first chapter of Eclipse, wasnt that bad
and I thought I could make a big deal out of the hater/lover of the Twilight series Idea.
I do know i need work, my Prereader is not a brony so he killed half of the show references, and I am mexican and not very good at grammar
but whatever, I want this story to be great and If you people say so, I will work harder 
.
The summary is just one massive run-on sentence :l
414766
So?
Prepare the hate cannon!
I read through Twilight, but wasn't particularly impressed. It wasn't bland, but it wasn't worth the giant fandom either. Last but not least, vampires shouldn't be sparkly. Period.
That said, good chapter, going to enjoy the rest of the story
You don't need to have all of the speech in italics
426332
I know, but I am too lazy to fix it
.
426798 Use find and replace all
427898
Fine I removed them, Happy?
431071 Yes
I would like to see more.
Hm... few grammar errors here and there but its doing quite well so far.
Get on with the good part.
You know the irony of the Twilight Saga? People always say it's vampires vs werewolves, but there are no werewolves in the entire series. Just shapeshifters, who are often confused for them. They even mention the difference in-series.
WHERES THE WEREWOLFS
UPDATE THE FUCKING STORY
Continue please ! I love the story
verycreativenameforthestory